This Post: Is My Teen Normal? Top 10 Behavior Issues Most Parents Deal With
Written By: Marybeth Bock
When your kids were toddlers, chances are you found yourself feverishly reading books to make sure your kids were reaching major milestones at the right pace AND that their behavior was, in fact, normal. Fast forward and now that your child is a teenager, here you are… still questioning your kid’s development.
“Is he supposed to be spending that much time in his room? Is he okay?”
“Are all teen girls this snarky and sassy or is it just my daughter?”
“This can’t be normal… what’s wrong with my child?
Is My Teen Normal? Top 10 Behavior Issues Most Parents Deal With
What you’re experiencing with your teen including their (sometimes) confusing, exhausting, and exasperating behavior is quite often completely normal. And, yep… if find yourself mumbling under your breath, “This really sucks,” you’re not alone!
Here are ten common teen behaviors that most parents come face-to-face with at some point during their kid’s teen years.
1. Disrespect
Talking back, sarcasm, an out-of-nowhere sassy comeback, dismissiveness, or yelling – it might fire up your temper, but take (at least some) comfort in knowing it’s all very normal and we’ve all been there! A sense of entitlement or a lack of appreciation for what they have can also be a frequent behavior issue. You may find yourself sarcastically saying, “You’re welcome!” when you do something nice for your teen.
When you get frustrated by their rudeness, disrespect, or lack of appreciation, keep reminding yourself that their brains are not fully developed until their mid-to-late 20s!
READ: Help… My Teenager is So Disrespectful and I’m Worn Out Trying to Handle It
2. Pulling Away and Hiding Out in Their Bedroom
Your once social kid who loved spending time with the family now hangs out in their bedroom for hours on end. Sure, they come out occasionally for snacks or to ask for a ride somewhere, but the rest of the time they’re scrolling through social media, gaming, or FaceTiming friends.
To make matters worse, your teen doesn’t share as much about their life as they used to. They used to be so eager to give you every detail, now you have to pry it out of them.
Teenagers crave privacy and independence. They’re growing up and having that time and space to think, ponder, and figure out who they are is a necessary part of their development. And, as much as they do love you, they want to do things without you giving them step-by-step instructions.
3. Mood Swings
Hello, hormones! There are a whole lot of changes going on in your teen’s body and brain, some of which you can see and others well… you can smell. With such a major transition going on behind the scenes, you can expect some pretty dramatic mood swings, at times.
Hang on tight, parents, your teen might feel angry, sad, frustrated, or have a major outburst for no apparent reason. Remember… so often, they’re just as confused by their mood swings as you are, so try to be patient.
READ: 10 Tips for Dealing with a Moody Teenager
4. Lying
It’s quite normal for teens to lie, especially to their parents, to avoid punishment, gain more freedom, or hide something. They might lie about where they’ve been, who they’ve been with, or what they’ve been doing. Studies show that most teenagers lie to their parents, so don’t feel horrible if you catch your teen in a lie!
Teens who are most honest with their parents aren’t afraid of being harshly or unfairly punished, so it’s important to keep those lines of communication wide open and adopt fair and logical consequences if/when they break rules.
READ: Why Your Teen is Lying to You and How to Handle It
5. Low Self-Esteem
If we thought we struggled with low self-esteem back in our teen days, it’s far worse now with social media, filters, and media portrayals of beauty. Even with the body positivity movement that’s sweeping the nation, countless teens struggle (girls AND boys) with self-esteem and body image issues.
Make sure your teen knows they’re perfect just the way they are, that you love them just the way they are, and that they should strive to love themselves JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.
READ: 12 Powerful Ways to Help Your Daughter Love Her Body and Stop Being So Critical of Herself
6. Impulsive Behavior (Poor Decisions)
Yet another consequence of an underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex… impulsivity. Reckless driving, sexual risk-taking, breaking rules, or other impulse behavior without considering the consequences might be exasperating, parents – but it’s normal.
Additionally, (most) teens are big on instant gratification which can lead to even more poor decisions. Remember, there are many “teachable moments” during the teen years!
READ: 10 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Your Teen’s Brain
7. Caving Into Peer Pressure
Teenagers (not all, of course) want to fit in, be accepted, and be included socially which can trigger a powerful desire to conform. Whether it’s dressing like other teens or doing something far more serious like being talked into doing drugs or having sex, it can sometimes be very difficult for a teen to say, “No.”
Peer pressure (and caving in) is normal and tends to peak around age 15. According to Dr. Laurence Steinberg, a teen expert and psychology professor at Temple University, teenagers tend to get better at setting boundaries with friends by age 18. So, hang in there, parents!
READ: How to Handle Peer Pressure: 13 Genius Ways Your Teen Can Get Out of a Tight Spot
8. Academic Stress and Challenges
Not every teen experiences school stress and challenges, but many do! Let’s face it, cell phones, video games, and the mound of distractions they deal with certainly don’t help. Plus, the pressure to be a great student, land As, and someday “get into a good college,” is overwhelming for many kids. Heck, it’s stressful for parents, too!
READ: Stressed Out – How to Help Your Teen Deal with School Pressure
9. Experimentation
It’s all too common for teens to experiment with drugs, alcohol, or vaping as a way to fit in with friends, assert their independence, or merely cope with stress. Regardless, it’s more common than you might think.
It might be hard to digest the idea that your otherwise “good” kid is vaping or drinking but try not to panic. Blaming, lecturing, and criticizing can cause your child to shut down. Talk to them calmly and work the problem together. If you suspect your teen may be at risk for substance abuse, here are some intervention strategies.
10. Defiance
Sometimes a teen’s disrespectful attitude can turn into full-blown defiance, and they may just refuse to comply with your expectations and rules. It’s easy to lose confidence in your parenting abilities when you try to manage a defiant teenager. Even when you may be feeling totally overwhelmed and personally attacked, it’s important to keep a cool head.
Understanding why they are defiant is key to stopping it. The more you understand the root cause, the better equipped you’ll be to deal with it.
If you’re dealing with any of these common teen behaviors, keep this in mind:
- Establish consistent rules and consequences for your teens, while also allowing some room for negotiation and compromise.
- Encourage open and honest dialogue with your teenager about their feelings, challenges, and experiences, and remember that being a teenager is HARD. Practice patience and don’t forget what it felt like to be in their shoes!
- If your teen’s behavior becomes severe or is linked to mental health concerns, it’s never shameful to seek out help from a counselor, therapist, or psychologist.
If you’re convinced your teen is the only one acting this way… think again! Most parents aren’t out there publicly sharing their family problems. Find a trusted friend who understands or a family member who’s “been there, done that.” Having someone who says, “My kid does that, too!” can make all the difference in the world.
About Marybeth Bock
Marybeth Bock, MPH, is a Mom to two young adults and one delightful hound dog. She has logged time as a military spouse, childbirth educator, college instructor, and freelance writer. She lives in Arizona and thoroughly enjoys research and writing – as long as iced coffee is involved. Her work can be found on numerous websites and in two books. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
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