This Post: I Love My Teen, But Right Now He’s Kinda Hard to Like: 10 Things That Drive Me Nuts
Written By: Morgan Hill
Let me start by saying, nothing could ever make me not love my teenager. He truly is my heart, my love, and my world…
But as a Mom who’s found solidarity and comfort with other mothers by sharing my true thoughts and feelings and the struggles I’ve endured raising my kids, I have to admit… some days I don’t particularly like my son.
Don’t get me wrong!
He can be charming, delightful, and a joy to be around. However, he can just as easily be annoying, ungrateful, rude, and unpleasant. And, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it’s harder to enjoy him when the hormonal, snarky, “I know everything and you don’t” teenager emerges on the scene.
If you’re anything like me – you love your teen with everything you’ve got – but they drive you nuts, at times, this post is for you.
I Love My Teen, But Right Now He’s Kinda Hard to Like: 10 Things That Drive Me Nuts
1. The Snarky Facial Expressions
Like every parent, I think my kid is gorgeous. I look at him and think, “Not bad, Mama!” But now… oh now, his face can contort into a look of disgust in the blink of an eye.
Maybe it’s something I said, something I didn’t say, or something I did or didn’t do, (sometimes I just say “Hi” or Good morning,”) and there it is… that snarky look (sometimes accompanied by an eye roll and heavy sigh). Just wait, Mama (I say to myself)… this too shall pass.
2. He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
“I love you, Mom. Can I have a hug?” Oh, happy day! Affirmation and affection from my teenager! I race to respond and lean in for a long hug. He loves me! And then, just as fast, he loves me not. He’s cranky, annoyed by anything and everything I do, and certainly not open to an embrace.
Keeping up with his ever-changing emotions is exhausting… like a young child discarding daisy petals hoping to land on “He loves me,” I too am wistful and hopeful that each day will be one he says or shows me he loves me, and I get that unexpected hug.
3. How He Picks Fights… For NO Reason
Why is he picking a fight for what seems like no reason at all? Why is fighting me so hard on my rules and boundaries? Why is he doing the exact opposite of what I told him not to do?
Because he’s a teenager, that’s why. He doesn’t need a reason to get defiant and rebel, it just comes naturally at his age. I try not to take it personally and pick my battles. I know this is just him asserting his independence.
4. Backtalk & Disrespect
Even the smallest redirection, reminder, or request brings on the backtalk. “Why do I have to do everything around here!” “OMG, Mom… stop asking me… I SAID I’d do it later.”
It’s like trying to navigate landmines. You know they’re there. You try your best to avoid them by treading oh, so lightly. But every once in a while you accidentally step on one and BOOM! It explodes.
In my house, backtalk is never OK. But I’ve learned that when he’s in such a bad mood, it’s hard to point out. So, I wait to bring it up later and deliver consequences when needed.
5. Priorities (or Lack Thereof)
Dude? Have you thought about (insert what should be a priority here)? Maybe, it’s studying for an exam he has the next day, working on college applications with a hard deadline, or even just showering. I feel like a drill sergeant constantly checking in on him and the things he should be doing. (Shouldn’t he know better by now?)
Sometimes I can only shake my head. In many areas of his life, he’s pretty responsible. In other areas? Not so much!
6. Reminders, Reminders, Reminders
My kid is supposed to let me know when he changes locations when he’s out, via call or text. While this may seem controlling to him, I simply want to know he’s safe and where he is in case of an emergency. It’s not like I’d show up at a house party, I reassure him.
But every time he goes out, he forgets to do this, leading me to send worrisome, frustrated texts. Kiddo, don’t start a fight over something simple. It’s not that hard (or so I thought).
7. Oh, The Negativity!
“That’s lame.” “I’m not eating that.” I couldn’t care less about that.” My once upbeat, happy, positive-outlook kid only emerges every once in a while. The rest of the time I’m in the company of a kid who sees the world through a “the glass is half-empty” perspective.
I admit, I miss who my son was, but I know the boy I know and love will come through on the other side and so much of what he’s saying is fueled by swinging hormones and his desire to pull away and “be cool.”
8. Unwillingness to Try or Learn New Things
My son used to love learning new things – blowing bubbles, riding a bike, throwing a football. These days he wants to learn nothing from me (except how to learn to drive, which is somewhat self-serving). Is he lazy? Is he lacking confidence? Is he just stubborn? These are questions I wrestle with every day.
I really hope this is a phase that can be attributed to immaturity. But he’s headed to college soon enough and he’s lacking skills he needs to know STAT. Houston, we have a problem!
9. How Hard He Is On Me
Am I perfect Mom? Heck no. Do I fall short on certain days? You bet. But do I give it my all day in and day out? YES.
What’s frustrating is that quite often my son just doesn’t see or acknowledge how hard I’m trying to raise him right. He’s so hard on me when I make decisions or put rules in place that he doesn’t agree with.
So… I buckle down and take the hits (figuratively, that is) as they come. My goal is to raise my boy right. If that means making hard decisions that he fights me on, then so be it. One day, (perhaps when he’s a parent himself) he’ll understand.
10. He Can Be Self-Centered & Entitled
His world is centered around HIM. His life, his friends, his wants, his needs. I know this is ALL so normal (I read an article once that labeled this phase of our kids’ lives as cocooning where everything is about THEM), but it’s frustrating, to say the least.
Despite repeatedly pounding giving, gratefulness, and compassion into his heart, I worry. Will he come around? Will it eventually sink in?
Whether I teach him or the world tosses him a tough lesson, I’m quite sure he’ll learn soon enough that the world doesn’t revolve around him OR owe him a living.
I know this for sure, parents… it’s not uncommon for us to go through periods where we may not particularly like our teen’s behaviors or attitudes – so don’t feel guilty if you feel this way!
It’s important to remember that disliking certain behaviors or attitudes doesn’t mean we don’t love our kids. We have to hang on tight, parents, and brace ourselves for a bumpy ride. But in time, our kids’ teen years will be behind them and a wonderful, mature, caring person will be standing in front of us.
So sure, I may not like some of my son’s behavior, but he’s STILL (and always will be) my favorite teen around!
About Morgan Hill:
Morgan Hill is an essayist and humorist. She has written for many online and print publications including Insider, Your Teen Magazine, Revel, and MASK Magazine. She is the mother of freshman and senior sons in high school. When not writing, she can be found at flea markets, in her garden, photographing architecture, taking cooking classes, or eating the stinkiest cheese she can find. You can also find her on Twitter @MorganHWrites or Instagram @MorganHillWriter
If you enjoyed reading, “I Love My Teen, But Right Now He’s Kinda Hard to Like: 10 Things That Drive Me Nuts,” you might want to check out these other posts!
Help… My Teenager is So Disrespectful and I’m Worn Out Trying to Handle It
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Raising a Strong-Willed Teen: How to Survive and Help Them Thrive (Without Breaking Their Spirit)