This Post: For the Girls Who Want Something Real: 12 Friendship Tips That Matter
Written By: Hilary Afshary
To every teen girl who’s tired of surface-level friendships, endless drama, dealing with jealousy, or the pressure to fit in, these friendship tips are for you.
Our girls live in a world full of constant comparison, fleeting likes and thumbs-ups, and Snapchat streaks that disappear as fast as they started. It’s no wonder that finding a friendship that truly matters is like searching for a needle in a haystack.
It’s not just about sharing silly memes or hanging out after school. Building genuine connection is about building trust, respecting each other, and showing up for each other time and time again – even when things get tough.
Real friendships? They’re out there. And they’re worth the wait, the effort, and the sometimes messy moments along the way.
Whether you’re in middle school, high school, or even college, here are 12 powerful friendship tips to help you find, nurture, and keep those rare friendships that stand the test of time – because you deserve friendships that lift you up, make you better, and make your world a whole lot brighter.
For Teen Girls Who Want Something Real: 12 Friendship Tips That Matter
1. But First… You Gotta Love Yourself
Get comfortable with yourself and embrace WHO YOU ARE. Become your own best friend. Recognize all the amazingness of YOU. Whether you’re entering a new friendship or nurturing an existing one, celebrate your role in the friendship – your wit and wisdom, your silliness, your quirks (we all have them!), and what you bring to the table. Just be yourself and don’t change for anyone.
2. Choose Friends Wisely (And, For the Right Reasons)
Be honest with yourself. Befriending someone just to get into the popular crowd? Hmm…you may want to rethink that. Ask yourself: would you rather have one true friend who is your ride or die, or a handful of acquaintances who are just trying to reach a goal (and in the end, may just step over you to reach it)?
Real friendships blossom when they’re allowed to grow organically in their own way. Each one is different, and if you approach it without a motive, you may be surprised at what flourishes.
3. Understand (and Accept) the Ebb and Flow of Friendship
Friendships, especially during your teen years, aren’t always steady. Some days, you might talk nonstop, finish each other’s sentences, and feel totally in sync. Other days, you or your friend might pull back a little because of a packed schedule, stress, your mood, or just needing a little space – that’s perfectly okay and should be expected.
Real friendships allow room for those ups and downs without falling apart or tossing a guilt trip on the other friend. Maybe your best friend suddenly starts hanging out with a new group, or they go a few days without texting. Instead of assuming the worst, try offering understanding. Ask, “Hey, are you okay?” instead of jumping to “Why are you ignoring me?” The strongest friendships aren’t the ones without bumps; they’re the ones where both people are willing to ride the waves and keep showing up.
4. You Do You, I’ll Do Me, Respectfully
The reality is the other person is NOT you, and YOU are not THEM. They’re going to do things differently and have different perspectives. Unless they start doing something that you simply can’t get on board with (drinking, vaping, doing drugs, for example), give them the freedom to be, well… them!
Instead of trying to change them, strive to understand and learn something from your differences. As long as you treat each other respectfully, there is no “right” or “wrong” way – it’s just what works for each person.
5. Be the Friend You Seek
You’ve likely heard the saying: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Think before gossiping, criticizing, breaking commitments, sharing secrets, etc.
Challenge yourself to avoid behaviors that, if the tables were turned, would hurt you. Be the friend you need… one who listens and truly cares and is there for you through it all. Also, be inclusive – confident girls will always accept new girls into their friend group.
6. Not All Friendships are Created Equal
You’ll find that friendships may come and go. You’ll have some friendships that may last a lifetime, and others that last a couple of months or years. That’s okay. Not all friendships are meant to last.
You may outgrow one another. develop different interests, or find other friends who are more like the “changing you.” Give gratitude for the experience and learn from it. Upset that someone walked away? Don’t be. Change your perspective. It opened the door for a new friendship!
7. Spill Some Tea for Authenticity
Not the juicy scoop. Rather, have the courage to spill your feelings, emotions, challenges, and excitement. Be vulnerable enough to let you shine through. You don’t have to hide the weird, emotional, or real parts of who you are. The best friendships are the ones where you can cry, vent, laugh-snort, and be your full, unfiltered self.
One caveat – timing is everything. Before you spill your tea, give the relationship time to grow and bloom – trust, respect, loyalty, etc. Spilling too soon may end up in TMI.
8. Communicate! And Learn to Pause, Breath, and Reflect
Is something bothering you? Say it. Don’t pull back, ignore the problem, or make the other person guess what’s wrong. Be brave and discuss the issue. Focus on YOUR feelings, not what you perceive the other person has done.
If the conversation turns heated, agree to take a break. Come back together when emotions have cooled. And, if the other person asks for the same, grant that grace. Remember, even the best friendships experience bumps in the road.
9. I’m Sorry (Two of the Most Powerful Words in the Dictionary)
Two words that hold the power to diffuse a situation in less than five seconds. Use them often and mean them. If you messed up, own it. And, even if you didn’t, you can still be sorry that a situation got out of hand or that your friend is hurt, regardless of the circumstances.
Be open and listen to each other. Listen being the key word. With an open heart and mind, you can overcome even the worst arguments. Also, never ghost your friend if/when things get messy. It’s the ultimate sign of immaturity and meanness.
10. Celebrate Each Other’s Wins (Without Jealousy or Competitiveness)
A true friend doesn’t get weird when you succeed – they cheer the loudest. There’s room for you BOTH to shine in your own wonderful and unique way. Real friends lift each other up; they don’t compete!
11. Treat Your Relationships Like Your Favorite Stuffed Animal
Just like that favorite blankie or stuffed animal you had as a child, cherish your relationships. Nurture them. Keep them close. Put in the effort. Even the best friendships can dwindle in time if they’re not given the attention they deserve.
Remember, too, friendships can change. A friend might find new interests, new circles, and new goals. Let it evolve. Real friendship adapts and keeps cheering, even if the path looks different than what it used to.
12. Finally, Know When to Let Someone Go
If the relationship becomes toxic, let it go. Not all friendships are meant to last.
If you are finding that you are continually forgiving someone, overlooking slights, or not feeling good about yourself, then it may be time to create distance in the relationship. If you decide to do this, the most important nugget I can give is to replace it. Be open to making new friends!
About Hilary Afshary:
Hilary Afshary is Mom 
to Eva and Whiskey Jack, wife to Mr. Tony, and recently published Author with her first book, Dorm to Doorstep – Tips, Tidbits and Tales Every Young Woman Will WANT to Read, a color-filled guidebook for young women preparing for life way from home. As a #1 Amazon New Release, Dorm to Doorstep is the perfect gift for girls who are seeking independence while still needing meaningful motherly advice doled out in short, memorable snippets that will give pause, bring a smile, or even a full laugh out loud.
Hilary splits her time between Denver and Vail, Colorado, and loves hiking, skiing, traveling, yoga, meditating, reading, and spending time with friends and family. Find her on your favorite social channels, scooping up more tips, tidbits, and tales as well as on your favorite podcast channel hosting Your Daily Three, a 3-minute guided meditation focused on gratitude and intention setting. You can find Hilary on Instagram, TikTok or Facebook.
If you enjoyed reading “For Teen Girls Who Want Something Real: 12 Friendship Tips That Matter,” here are a few other posts you might like!
Is Your Teen Lonely? 6 Possible Reasons Your Teen Doesn’t Have Friends
Dear Teens: I Know it’s Hard, But Not All Friendships are Meant to Last