This Post: Teen Dating: It’s A LOT Different Than We Remember, Parents
Written By: Marybeth Bock
Back in my day, (just saying that makes me feel old, by the way), we actually dated.
If you wanted to ask someone out, you had to muster up the courage to speak to them in person or, if you were bold enough, give them a call on the landline – hoping their parents didn’t answer first, in which case you might be interrogated before they reluctantly passed the phone over.
The date itself typically involved two nervous kids heading to the mall, grabbing a pizza, or catching a movie, all while awkwardly holding (sweaty) hands IF you were lucky. Flirting was done through actual face-to-face interaction or passing handwritten notes in class. And finding out if someone “liked you” usually involved asking a close friend to play messenger.
Boy, have things changed…
Teen Dating: It’s A LOT Different Than We Remember, Parents
If you have a teen who’s starting to date, you might need a crash course on how teens “date” today. Because let me tell you, it’s nothing like it was when we dated.
While some aspects of the way we dated remain timeless, like the excitement of a first crush or a first kiss, or the thrill of going to your first big dance, dating today bears little resemblance to our younger days.
If you’re curious, (or maybe slightly confused) about how teens today “date,” here are 10 ways dating is a whole lot different for our kids than it was for us.
1. Connecting and Communicating is All About Tech and Apps
Texting, social media, and apps like Snapchat and Instagram play huge roles in how teens communicate and flirt. Instead of passing notes, they send memes, emojis, or TikToks. Asking someone out is as simple as sliding into their DMs or commenting on their Instagram story, “Hey, we should hang out sometime!”
In fact, a significant part of dating occurs online before they ever officially venture out on their “first date.” And, there’s no need to fear parents’ involvement since most conversations happen digitally, leaving us parents completely in the dark.
While dating in the 80s and 90s was all about face-to-face interaction, today’s teens navigate a digital landscape, juggling notifications and screens in ways their 80s and 90s counterparts could never have imagined!
2. It’s a More Casual Vibe with Teens Hanging Out in Groups
Teens today often hang out in groups both online and offline. Online, they get to know other kids (and potential future boyfriends/girlfriends) by playing online games together, streaming movies at the same time, or FaceTiming.
Offline, it’s casual “group dating” with a bunch of kids hanging out together at a fast food place, going to a concert together, or hanging out a someone’s house.
One 16-year-old girl I talked with said, “It’s so much less pressure. You get to hang out with someone, get to know them, and decide if you want to date each other without the formality or stress. It beats having to ask someone out not knowing if they’ll say ‘yes,’ or having to turn someone down because you’re not interested.”
3. Relationships Move at a Slower Pace
According to research, there has been a constant decline in dating among teenagers. Today’s teens aren’t rushing into full-blown dating or using labels like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” – they’re moving at a slower pace before they officially “DTR” – define the relationship.
They’re also using terms like, “situationship” which refers to a romantic or kinda-romantic relationship without a clear definition.
NOTE: Parents, try to be chill about pressing your teen if they’re interested in someone or for a “defined” relationship status. Your teen may not be ready to navigate the complexities of a romantic relationship. It can take time for them to find their emotional footing and sort out their interests.
4. Changing Gender Norms
Dating is much more diverse today, especially with more teens openly identifying as LGBTQ+. Teenagers are more conscious about respecting each other’s pronouns and identities, making inclusivity a key part of modern dating.
Teens today are also breaking traditional gender norms. The once popular role of boys always making the first move or paying for the date has fallen by the wayside. Today, relationships are far more equal, with both people taking part in the relationship.
5. Cheap or Free Dates are More Popular
With rising inflation and most teens being short on cash, cheap or free dates are extremely popular. Low-cost activities like Netflix nights, going on a picnic or a hike, or grabbing a coffee, instead of springing for an expensive dinner or event like a concert are the norm.
6. Greater Awareness of What a “Healthy” Relationship Looks and Feels Like
A wonderful thing about teenagers today is that they have become far more aware of the importance of emotional well-being in their relationships.
They’re mindful about maintaining healthy boundaries, discussing mental health issues openly, and being aware of the signs of toxic relationships, like gaslighting and emotional manipulation.
Greater emphasis (through education and awareness) is being placed on clear communication and teens are more educated about concepts like consent and respect in relationships.
7. The Stigma of Being Single Has Been Lifted
With fewer teens jumping into the dating world, being single is not only widely accepted, it’s even considered “cool.” Research conducted by psychologists published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that teenagers today are not only more likely to be single, but also happier about it compared to previous generations.
8. Added Social Pressure When the Relationship Goes Public
We all know teens like to fit in. We also know they watch their friends and acquaintances online like a hawk. If or when they see another couple looking “in love” or perfect online it can trigger feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and jealousy causing them to strive for that same public image.
There can also be the added pressure of how to navigate a relationship – whether they should publicize it or keep it private. Opening an “in a relationship” profile on social media can open the door to comments (both positive and negative) and potential scrutiny.
9. Online Dating Makes Ghosting, Breadcrumbing, and Catfishing More Prevalent
With online dating, it’s never been easier for teens to ghost someone (end a relationship suddenly without explanation withdrawing all online communication), catfishing (creating a false identity to lure people into relationships), or string someone along with breadcrumbing (sending intermittent and often vague messages to keep another person interested or engaged, without any intent of committing or entering into a relationship).
Talk to your teen about the perils of pursuing any online relationship – romantic or platonic.
READ: Why Do Teens Ghost Each Other and How to Handle It If Your Teen’s Been Ghosted
10. Online Safety is KEY
With so many teens pursuing online relationships, it’s SO important to talk to your kids about being SAFE. After all, interaction online opens the door for potential predators to target your teenager. (Although most dating apps have age restrictions – typically 18 or older – some teens will still find ways to work around the restrictions.)
Talk to your teen about online privacy, consent, sexting, and avoiding risky situations. Also, let them know they can come to you anytime about anything. Young teens, especially, can be naïve and too trusting when it comes to sharing personal information and photos.
We need to be respectful of how the dating norms have changed for our kids while helping them stay safe and be kind and respectful in relationships – whether they’re offline or online.
It’s a whole new world of dating out there, parents!
About Marybeth Bock
Marybeth Bock, MPH, is a Mom to two young adults and one delightful hound dog. She has logged time as a military spouse, childbirth educator, college instructor, and freelance writer. She lives in Arizona and thoroughly enjoys research and writing – as long as iced coffee is involved. Her work can be found on numerous websites and in two books. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
If you enjoyed reading, “Teen Dating: It’s A LOT Different Than We Remember, Parents,” here are a few other posts you might like!
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