This Post: “Mom! You’re Embarrassing Me!”
Written By: Raising Teens Today Community
No one can embarrass my kids better than I can. Without even trying, I’ve managed to embarrass them more times than I can count. I’m what you’d call an expert at embarrassing my teens.
Wave goodbye or say too loudly, “I love you! Have a great day!” at school drop-off … EMBARRASSING!
Cheer too loudly at their games… EMBARRASSING!
Take too many pictures at major events in their life like the first day of school, a dance, or a big championship win… EMBARRASING!
Move in for a big ‘ole hug (God forbid!) when they’re with their friends… EMBARRASING!
I’ve come to the realization that sometimes, my mere existence embarrasses my kids.
“OMG, Mom! You’re Embarrassing Me!”
Don’t get me wrong. My kids and I have a great relationship and I’m so grateful for that. In fact, so often when they’re home with me, they act nothing like they do when they’re “on” with their friends or at school.
They snuggle next to me on the couch and ask for a back rub. They ask me to lie down with them in bed so they can tell me things that happened in school that day. And, their stoic “I’ve got this… I’m cool” front they put up (which I’m sure is exhausting to keep up with) comes down and I get to see the wonderfully vulnerable, sweet, and transparent side of them, which I absolutely love.
But they ARE teenagers and teenagers’ (it seems) main goal in life is to look cool in front of their friends and in public. They’re always asking themselves “What will everyone think!?”
(Little do they know that no one is paying nearly the attention to them as they think they are!)
Well… darlin’, someday you’ll learn not to give a rat’s #ss what other people think. (That comes with time.) But for now, you care. In fact, you care a lot. And, that means just about anything I do embarrasses you.
Sure, I’m going to embarrass my kids from time to time… you might just say it’s payback for all the times they embarrassed me... like the time all three of my kids pitched a royal, uncontrollable fit in the middle of Target (I’m talking screaming so loudly that people across the store could hear them) because I wouldn’t buy them a $200 electric car. Or, the time my daughter was getting her vaccinations at the pediatrician’s office and she bit the nurse. (My face turned every shade of red.)
Seriously, though, a little harmless (mostly unintentional) embarrassment is fine. But there are some lines you’ll never see me cross.
My relationship with my kids is far too important to me to knowingly put a strain on it. I would never intentionally do anything that would trigger them to not trust me, keep things from me, or, WORSE, avoid me because they fear I’ll embarrass them.
Here are a few things you’ll never see me do that I KNOW would embarrass my kids:
1. Yell At or Reprimand Them in Public
Not long ago I was sitting in the waiting room at my dermatologist’s office along with at least 10 other people when we heard a woman screaming in the parking lot. Of course, we all turned to look outside to see what the commotion was and it turned out to be a mother of a 16 or 17-year-old boy yelling at the top of her lungs at her son. The son looked deflated, mortified, and humiliated. It was truly heartwrenching to watch.
Nothing can push our kids away faster than degrading them in front of their friends, classmates, or in front of perfect strangers. If we want our teens to respect us, we have to respect them. Of course, we all lose our cool, at times. We’re human and our teens sure know what buttons to push. But reprimand them in private – never in a public setting.
2. Post Embarrassing Pictures of Them on Social Media
Pretty much every teen I know is highly protective of their online image and finds it embarrassing when their parents post old, unflattering, or personal photos without their permission.
Social media is an important part of their identity and they want complete control over how they’re represented online. Plus, even one embarrassing image can make them feel self-conscious or even lead to teasing from friends.
Always ask your teen’s permission before posting anything on social media that might be questionable. They’re not babies or toddlers anymore… they’re young adults. They have a right to know (and approve) which images are posted on a public profile.
3. Share Personal Stories
We love our kids and, thus, sometimes we just can’t help ourselves – we end up sharing personal stories about things they did when they were a baby, how they failed that big test in math last year, or how nervous they were on their first date. Remember, teens are hyper-aware of how they come across to others, especially their friends. While sharing a story about how your teen used to be afraid of the dark might seem harmless to you, it can make them feel humiliated in front of their friends. Plus, they want to be seen as mature, not as the little kids they once were.
Instead, keep those stories among close family members or ask your teen if it’s okay to share certain stories. It shows respect for their feelings and their privacy.
4. Use Slang or Try Too Hard to “Be Cool”
It’s so tempting, isn’t it? Our intention is to bond or seem relatable to our kids and their friends, but trying too hard to act “cool” or using slang (especially when it’s used incorrectly!) often comes off as cringeworthy to teens. For our kids, it’s nothing more than awkward and embarrassing.
With my kids and their friends, I just try to be myself. I may not be the coolest mom on the block and I’m definitely not up-to-date on every new TikTok trend, but I’m authentic and caring and loving… that’s what helps me bond with my kids and their friends.
5. Criticizing Them in Public
“Geez, you wore that hoodie three days in a row, you’re wearing it again?”
“You need to come home early because you have that math test tomorrow and God knows you can’t afford to fail another test.”
“I told you I don’t like those shorts on you… they’re way too short!”
“Wow… your face is so broken out. Have you been washing it properly?”
As parents, we have plenty to say to our kids. And, oftentimes, it feels like we’re always “correcting” their behavior. But flat-out criticizing them (OR bringing up ANY sensitive subjects) in front of friends, neighbors, extended family or perfect strangers is not going to serve you or your relationship with your teen well in the long run. Even if it’s well-intentioned, it can make them feel self-conscious and scrutinized.
Instead, if you feel the need to comment on something, wait until you’re in private. Focus on offering them non-judgmental feedback behind closed doors OR pull your teen aside so others can’t hear you. Don’t unnecessarily embarrass them. How we treat our kids, often comes right back at us.
6. Over-The-Top Public Displays of Affection
If you’re anything like me, you always hug your kids before they walk out the door. For the most part, my kids are okay with it (they grew up with me lovin’ on them). But when they became teenagers I quickly realized that my public displays of affection weren’t always welcome.
Sure, they’ll let me give them a quick hug or quietly say, “Be careful, I love you,” when they’re hopping in the car with friends, but I’m more careful now to “read” my kids’ cues before I unleash my sappy “Momness.”
Our kids are navigating the complicated social waters of fitting in and mushy public displays of affection can make it awkward for teens and draw unwanted attention. We’re always going to love on our kids, but we have to a BIT more mindful of how much affection our kids are comfortable with in public and save the big hugs and kisses for home.
I’m always going to embarrass my kids to some extent… it comes with the territory.
But as their Mom, I remember what it felt like to be them. I remember the handful of times my parents embarrassed me and how awkward, uncomfortable, and self-conscious I felt. I don’t want to knowingly put my kids through that. My goal is to draw them closer to me, not push them away which means I’m going to do my best to avoid those “triggers” that embarrass them. I want them to want to be around me… not dread it.
If you enjoyed reading, “OMG, Mom! You’re Embarrassing Me!” here are a few other posts you might like:
The Invisible Barrier Between Parents and Teens (and How to Remove It)