This Post: From “Later, Mom” to “Can I Invite Friends Over?” Making Your Home the Hangout House
Co-written By: Marybeth Bock & Nancy Reynolds
Does it seem like your teen is always running off to someone else’s house to hang out? And when you offer to spring for pizza and snacks at your house for a fun friend’s movie night, your teen always has an excuse why they’d rather go to their friend’s house?
“Hey, why don’t you hang out here tonight? We can pick up wings or pizza at that place you like, and you and your friends can hang out and game or watch a movie?”
Teen: “Nah, we’re gonna hang at Jacob’s house. Maybe next time.”
From “Later, Mom” to “Can I Invite Friends Over?” Making Your Home the Hangout House
You can’t help but wonder what you might be doing wrong, or what other parents might be doing differently. Why is their house the designated “hangout house?”
- Is our house boring?
- Are we too strict?
- Are we hovering too much?
- Maybe we’re just not cool parents.
- OR, is it possible that other parents are far more lenient than we are, and kids have more freedom to do as they please?
Before you get too worked up worrying that your house is boring or that maybe you’re the most “uncool” parents on the planet, take a few minutes to ponder our suggestions on how you can draw your teen and their friends to your house the next time they’re “hanging out.” Trust me, parents… teenagers are actually fairly easy to please (and you don’t have to be super lenient to draw them to your home).
Here are seven easy ways to make your home the teen hangout house:
1. Stock Up On Snacks (The Good Snacks)
I wouldn’t go as far as to say that it’s ALL about the snacks, but let’s just say stocking up on good snacks in your fridge and pantry can be a BIG draw for “always hungry” teens. You don’t need to spend a fortune, just keep easy-to-grab favorites on hand like chips, frozen pizzas or chicken nuggets, granola or protein bars, soda, and bottled water.
If you want to really step it up consider letting the kids make their own fruit smoothies, serving taco chips with salsa and queso dip, having a popcorn bar with fun seasonings and add-ins for them to choose, or letting them make pizzas with French bread and various pizza toppings – have a little fun with it!
Check Out These Snack Ideas: 32 Cheap and Easy Snacks to Serve When Your Teen’s Friends Come Over
2. Create a “Chill” Zone
If the only spot in your home for your teen and friends to hang out is a common area where you’re working or younger siblings are playing, they likely won’t want to stay for too long.
If you can provide a relaxing spot where they have some privacy, like a basement, a porch area, or a TV room, they’ll feel more comfortable and will want to hang out there more often. It doesn’t have to be fancy. A comfy couch, bean bags, blankets, a gaming system, or a good playlist can turn any living room or basement into a hangout haven.
3. Say Hi, Then Step Back
No teenager wants to hang out at a house where the parents are constantly hovering. While you might be curious about what they’re up to, you have to allow your teen and their friends a respectful amount of privacy. (That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t check up on them occasionally.)
Try embracing the “potted plant” parenting concept popularized by psychologist and author Dr. Lisa Damour. When a group is hanging out at your house, be intermittently present without being intrusive or asking questions about what they’re watching or doing. Make it a quick “vibe check” to ensure everything is OK and nothing sneaky is going on.
4. Add One or Two “Bonus Features”
Think: gaming system, projector, ping-pong table, karaoke machine, a fun movie selection, a variety of board games, Bluetooth speakers so they can crank up the music, etc.
Even an ice cream maker can make hanging out at your house fun! It doesn’t have to be expensive – just a few things that draw them in. Fun outdoor options include a fire pit (did someone say s’mores?), basketball hoop, football, scooters, skateboards, a sprinkler, or balloons so they can have a water balloon fight.
5. Consider Lightening Up (Just a Bit!)
Laughter, music, a kitchen with a few crumbs on the counter – let’s face it, teenagers can be loud and messy. As long as they aren’t being disrespectful, doing anything illegal, hurting anyone (or themselves), or breaking anything, try to embrace the chaos.
Make sure your teen knows that if their friends make a mess in the house, they are responsible for cleaning it. Whether they solicit the help of their friends to pitch in (which they should) is up to them. But it’s not your job to clean your teen/friend’s mess.
6. Know Their Names (and Favorite Drinks & Snacks)
One thing I know for sure, teenagers love it when you treat them special and remember the little things. Remember the one who loves root beer, who’s allergic to peanuts, the one whose favorite food is pepperoni pizza, or the one who just went on a cruise with their family.
“Hey Lindsay! I know you love ice cream sandwiches – I bought them just for you!”
“Jason… do you still drink Celsius drinks? I bought a few for you!”
“Rebecca… I’ve been meaning to ask you! How was the cruise you went on with your family?”
Trust me on this one, you’ll have a friend for life! Knowing that you went out of your way to make them feel welcome and special, or that you cared enough to remember something they told you… They’ll never forget it!
7. Offer Freedom – But With Boundaries
Let them stay up late watching movies. Let them make pizza or snacks. Let them sprawl out on the floor and chill. Just put boundaries in place. For instance, always expect respectful behavior, they should clean up their mess, and everyone leaves by your set time.
Remember, parents, it’s not a personal rejection if your teen chooses to hang out at a friend’s house.
- Maybe it’s just a phase.
- Maybe they just enjoy the change of scenery at their friend’s house, and it feels good to get away from their norm.
- Maybe they’re like a lot of other teenagers and they fear you MIGHT say something that will embarrass them, so they avoid the situation altogether.
- Maybe their friend’s house has cooler “toys” than yours does.
- Or, maybe, they just don’t realize that you’d actually welcome their friends, so they don’t even ask.
Either way, talk to them openly and ask why they’re choosing their friend’s house over yours. There might be a simple, fixable reason!
Above all, when you can create a space that balances comfort, fun, independence, and some structure, you can make your home a place where your teen and their friends feel welcome and safe. It’s a great way to stay connected with your teen and get to know who they’re hanging out with. It also provides peace of mind knowing where they are and who they’re with.
About Marybeth Bock
Marybeth Bock, MPH, is a Mom to two young adults and one delightful hound dog. She has logged time as a military spouse, childbirth educator, college instructor, and freelance writer. She lives in Arizona and thoroughly enjoys research and writing, as long as iced coffee is involved. Her work can be found on numerous websites and in two books. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
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