This Post: How to Build Self-Confidence in Your ADHD Teen
Written By: Marybeth Bock
If you’re the parent of a teen with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), you know all too well the unique challenges and daily frustrations both you and your child face every single day.
Are you constantly trying to help them stay on task with their homework?
Do you feel like they’re always interrupting you and not listening to you when you talk to them?
Do you feel like you’re constantly repeating yourself?
Are you tired of them always losing their homework, phone, or wallet?
You’re not alone… sometimes, just getting a grip on the most mundane tasks can be an immense challenge.
How to Build Self-Confidence in Your ADHD Teen
These challenges can occur whether your teen has been clinically diagnosed with ADHD, or if they just exhibit some of the common characteristics of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.
According to a 2024 report from the National Center for Health Statistics, approximately 11% of children and teenagers between the ages of 5 and 17 have been diagnosed with ADHD, with the prevalence even higher in kids between the ages of 12 and 17.
What many parents may not realize is that ADHD symptoms can morph and change over time as their child ages. The National Institute for Mental Health says, “In young children with ADHD, hyperactivity-impulsivity is the most predominant symptom. However, during kids’ teen years, hyperactivity seems to lessen, and symptoms may change to include feelings of restlessness or fidgeting, but inattention and impulsivity may remain. Also, many teens with ADHD struggle with relationships and antisocial behaviors.”
Is it any wonder that so many teens with ADHD struggle with self-confidence?
Here are some of the key factors that contribute to low self-confidence in teens with ADHD, even for those who take medication and/or receive therapy.
1. Academic Challenges
ADHD can affect a teen’s ability to process information, leading to frustration and feelings of being less capable than their friends and fellow students. You might find your teen is struggling with attention, organization, and time management, which can lead to poor grades. Ongoing difficulties in school, such as low grades or negative feedback from teachers, can damage their self-esteem, especially after years of being called out or reprimanded.
2. Social Difficulties
Having ADHD makes it harder for teens to pick up on social cues, control impulsive talking and behavior, and maintain attention during conversations.
These communication struggles can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, or even social rejection, which can be painful and damaging to a teenager’s self-confidence, especially when fitting in and being accepted is so important to teens.
3. Negative Feedback
Teens with ADHD are frequently labeled as “lazy,” “careless,” or “irresponsible,” (especially undiagnosed teens). Sadly, they can internalize these labels, leading to a reduced sense of self-worth. Also, teens who are criticized by teachers, coaches, friends, and even parents, (even if it’s well-intentioned), can erode their self-esteem over time, and trigger feelings of anger that are often directed at us – their parents.
4. Emotional Regulation
While all teens can be overly emotional at times, those with ADHD often suffer from an increased level of emotional sensitivity, meaning that they may experience even more intense emotional reactions. Frequent feelings of frustration, anger, or sadness can impact self-confidence, especially if they feel they can’t control their own emotions.
5. Comparison to Friends
Like being a teenager isn’t hard enough! It’s natural for teens with ADHD to compare themselves to their friends, mainly those who don’t face the same challenges. Watching others succeed in areas where they struggle, such as in school or social situations, can make them feel inferior. The pressure can be overwhelming and it’s brutal to deal with a teen who might be repeatedly calling themselves a “loser.”
6. Daily Challenges
ADHD can make managing daily life, like keeping track of personal items, following schedules, or completing chores, much more difficult. Struggling with simple tasks can make teens feel overwhelmed and incompetent. All this constant “daily management” stress oftentimes leads to feelings of being always behind or inadequate.
7. ADHD Stigma
It’s sad but true that many people often view ADHD as a “deficit” rather than recognizing the unique strengths and qualities of individuals who have it. This negative perception can lead teenagers to feel that there is something inherently wrong with them that they need to hide from others. They often feel shame for being different.
So how can you help boost self-esteem in your ADHD teenager?
1. Celebrate Their Strengths
Help your teen focus on their strengths and talents.
Many people with ADHD are highly creative and intelligent and can hyperfocus on tasks that interest them, which can really play in their favor. Playing sports can be great for teens with high energy levels. Encourage your teen to look for and pursue activities where they excel. That “can do” attitude can transfer over to other areas of their life!
2. Focus on Positive Reinforcement
Offer your teen regular positive feedback and reinforcement for their efforts, progress, and achievements, no matter how small they might be. It’s important to counteract the negative messages they might receive from others and the negative thoughts they likely have swirling around in their head.
3. Encourage a Growth Mindset
Help your ADHD teen to understand that their challenges are opportunities for growth, and that making mistakes is simply a natural part of learning. When they embrace a growth mindset, they’ll be kinder to themselves and accept that their efforts may take longer to succeed – but they can overcome almost any challenge with time and commitment.
READ: Teach Your Teen to Have a Growth Mindset: Why It Matters and Powerful Strategies That Work
4. Foster Independence and Self-Advocacy
Allow your teen to take on responsibilities and make decisions for themselves, which can build confidence in their ability to manage their own lives.
It can be tough to do and might take some time but allow your ADHD teen to advocate for their own needs, whether in school, social settings, with doctors, or at home. This will empower them and help them get comfortable taking control of their life (and unique challenges) before they head off to college or begin a career.
5. Reach Out for Support, If Needed
In addition to the decision to medicate your teen or not, consider therapy or counseling to help them develop coping strategies, improve self-esteem, and address any underlying emotional issues. It’s important to be mindful that teens with ADHD are more likely to experience depression, so if you suspect your teen is also feeling depressed, finding professional support can be very helpful.
As a parent of an ADHD teen, I found it very helpful to also seek out stress management techniques that can help increase my own patience and ability to deal with frustration. That way, I’m better equipped to respond calmly to my child’s behavior.
For parents, consider joining a support group to connect with other family members with similar struggles and concerns. The National Resource Center on ADHD, a program for Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) has great information and many resources.
About Marybeth Bock
Marybeth Bock, MPH, is a Mom to two young adults and one delightful hound dog. She has logged time as a military spouse, childbirth educator, college instructor, and freelance writer. She lives in Arizona and thoroughly enjoys research and writing – as long as iced coffee is involved. Her work can be found on numerous websites and in two books. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
1 comment
I really thought all your tips for building self-confidence in a teen with ADHD were very helpful. I also found it to be true that helping myself manage my stress respond with calm is an important thing.