This Post: Confessions of a Sports Mom: Nothing Brings Out My Crazy More Than Watching My Kid Play Sports
Written By: Jessica Manning
I could barely speak to my friends sitting next to me in the stands. My mind was racing. I was seething, actually; I couldn’t cheer or clap or even feign a smile. I was so ticked – annoyed at the sight of my son standing on the sidelines (again) and angry at myself for allowing it to ruin my mood. I tried positive self-talk:
It’s OK, he’s young, his turn will come.
It’s just a scrimmage.
The coach is doing what’s in the best interest of the team.
There are so many great athletes at this school.
But my negative inner dialogue spoke louder:
He’s going to be so disappointed and upset about this.
How can the coaches put (so-and-so) in ahead of him?
Why does the coach always seem to play favorites? It’s SO unfair to my kid and other kids.
My son will never be able to show his true capabilities or improve his game if he doesn’t get playing time.
Confessions of a Sports Mom: Nothing Brings Out My Crazy More Than Watching My Kid Play Sports
NOTHING brings out my crazy like watching my kids play sports, and I strongly dislike that about myself. I know better…
I know all the rational things to say to myself. But squelching the persistent urge to be angry when my kid gets benched or doesn’t get enough playing time or things don’t go his way on the field – it’s all so very challenging when it comes to our kids, isn’t it?
After all, the desire to protect their hearts is fierce and we feel everything they feel.
I know at least some of you are with me. I can feel it in the air in the stands. I hear it from parents who are so frustrated they can’t help but verbalize their thoughts, and I can see it on the faces of other parents like me, trying to suppress their disdain.
In all honesty, in the past, I’ve judged parents I’ve deemed to be over-the-top.
The ones going to great lengths to ensure their kids are stars – sending them to expensive camps and training, or the ones yelling and waving their fists in the air making poorly-paid coaches’ lives miserable.
They’re the crazy ones, right?
But then why do I feel so unhinged when I sit in the stands? If I’m having the same feelings and thoughts as many of the other (crazy sports) parents, am I really much better just because I don’t act on my thoughts?
Here’s what I’ve learned…
Our love for our kids can make us ALL a bit fanatical, at times – both on the field and off.
Don’t get me wrong – I never lecture my son about his performance on the car ride home. I don’t complain or pitch a fit to coaches or wish ill-will on other players. But if I’m being honest here, watching my boys play (or in some cases NOT play) brings out the worst in me.
I want to be the Mom who sits calm and collected during a game and shrugs off my kids’ athletic disappointments because I’m bigger and wiser than that. Trust me; I’ve done much self-analysis when it comes to my inner Mama Bear raging in the stands.
Perhaps it’s my own competitive nature that stirs within. But sadly, I think it’s more about my desire for my kids to shine…in someone else’s eyes. I want others to see what I see. I want them to realize my kids’ talents. I want them to see how hard they’re trying, and their desire to be truly good at the sport they love.
I guess it just hurts to see my kids hurting.
And that, bottom line, is what makes me mad at myself – after all, this is merely a game, right?? Who my kids are on the field has no bearing whatsoever on who they are inside or who they’ll become.
So, here is my solemn vow to myself: I refuse to ride this emotional roller coaster at every single one of my boys’ games. I’m committed this year to NOT being a crazy sports mom and trying with everything I have to emulate the few parents I know who navigate their kids’ athletic careers with grace.
Because here’s what I know about my boys and the sports they play:
Their athleticism nor a score on a board will ever define them.
They’re learning how to be team players and that skill will translate positively in ‘real life.’
Sadness, disappointment, frustration – it’s okay for them to feel all these emotions.
They don’t need to prove their worth through sports.
I don’t need them to be recognized. They’re wonderful in my eyes already.
This is so small in the whole scheme of things.
Their coaches aren’t trying to emotionally hurt them.
Despite recognizing all these truths, turning off the crazy desire to protect my boys is so much easier said than done. I have to be intentional about the way I think about sports and my kids’ experiences. I never want to look back with regret on how I handled these years or set a poor example for my boys.
So… here are the commitments I’m making to myself:
1. I’ll Focus On the Life Lessons Sports are Teaching My Boys
Whether it’s patience, disappointment, humility, sportsmanship, or work ethic – sports are teaching my boys critical life lessons that can’t necessarily be emulated outside the highs and lows of competition.
2. I’ll Learn to Trust the Process
This includes respecting the coaches enough to understand that they know things I don’t know, that perhaps there is a needed role for my son different than the one we hoped, and knowing that in many cases, their time will come.
3. I’ll Show Humility and Keep It In Perspective
I don’t need my kids to shine in anyone else’s eyes; I know their hearts better than anyone, and I will choose them every second of their lives whether they warm the bench or start. I’ll also remember that they’re having fun doing something they love and that playing sports is a fleeting time in their lives.
4. I’ll Attend Every Event With Gratitude
How fortunate am I to have healthy boys who can play sports, coaches in my community who truly care, a supportive school district that provides the resources, and friends and family who come to cheer on my kids? The blessings are endless when you slow down long enough to recognize them.
5. I’ll Be the Mom Cheering for ALL Kids
I’ve watched most of my sons’ teammates grow up, and I truly care about them. I have enough love in my heart to be happy for them (and their parents) when they succeed, and plenty of heartfelt empathy when a game doesn’t go their way.
6. I’ll Find Joy in Every Sporting Event
Socializing with my friends and other parents around me, engaging in being a fan of the competition, appreciating the weather during outside events, etc. When you’re looking for it, there is much joy to be found in a school athletic event. Is there anything more Americana than high school sports?
We have to recognize that our experiences as sports parents directly correlate to our mindsets.
Seething in the stands is a choice, as is worrying about their playing time, statistics, and recognition. So this year, I am committed to choosing peace of mind as I watch my boys compete, because more than likely, I only get seven more years of it. What a shame it would be to spend them in a state of chagrin.
About Jessica Manning
Jessica is a high school counselor with over 20 years of experience working with teenagers. She earned an M.A. in school counseling and a B.A. in English and secondary education. Jessica is married to a high school principal and has three teenage boys; her current life revolves around all things teen. When not working or following her sons’ sporting events, Jessica appreciates any opportunity she gets to veg at home with her family and her dog, Phyllis.
If you enjoyed reading, “Confessions of a Sports Mom: Nothing Brings Out My Crazy More Than Watching My Kid Play Sports,” here are a few other posts you might like!
The Time Suck and Expense of Youth Sports: How One Mom Weighed the Pros and Cons
Your Teen Isn’t Keen on Sports? Here Are 28 Other Cool Activities & Clubs They Might Love