This post: When our kids become overwhelmed and stressed in life, sometimes the best remedy is to take a mental health day.
It had been a long day. My daughter was up at the crack of dawn for cheerleading practice, spent seven hours at school and then had a meeting after school with a few kids from her science class who were working on a group project together.
To top it off, she was given far too much homework for any one human being to complete in one night, and by the time ten o’clock rolled around she was completely spent.
She was irritated, exhausted (both physically and mentally), and unmotivated to do anything.
And, as much as I wanted to support her, it’s not like I could do much to help her with her science or math homework. Unless I was helping her write an essay or helping her memorize vocab words for a test, my kids pretty much lost me in the seventh grade – at least as far as math and science are concerned.
All I could do was be there for her and offer my emotional support.
As I leaned up against her while she sat on her bed with her computer propped on her lap, I could see she was reading the same paragraph over and over.
She had reached the point where she had tried so hard and paid attention for so long that she had nothing left to give.
Life had gotten the best of her – the relentless responsibilities that pelted her like little stones for days, weeks and months on end, had finally left their mark.
I could see it in her eyes… she had reached her breaking point.
With tears welling up in my daughter’s eyes, I knew she needed me.
She needed me to tell her it was okay to slow down. She needed me to tell her it was okay to take a break, that her mental health was far more important than her grades and that the world wouldn’t come to an end if she just stopped.
I gently put my hand on her laptop and closed it shut.
“Baby… that’s enough,” I said.
“You’ve given it all you’ve got. It’s time for a break.”
Letting out a heavy sigh of relief, I could almost feel the palpable sense of calm come over my daughter. All she really needed was my permission to slow down.
But, what she didn’t realize is that she didn’t need my permission.
Only she knows how she feels. Only she understands the stress she’s under.
When life gets too hard and she feels overwhelmed, she needs to have the freedom to put her hand up to the world and say, “I’m checking out for a day to refuel.” Her mental health is fragile. If I don’t teach her how to protect it, who will?
After a few minutes sitting on her bed together, I quietly whispered to my daughter, “let’s take a hooky day tomorrow – just you and me.” Staring at me with just enough of a smile that I could see her dimple on her cheek, (something I hadn’t seen in a while), she said, “a hooky day?”
“Yup,” I said. “Sometimes, we all need a hooky day.”
“Let’s sleep in, sit on the porch, eat scrambled eggs and blueberry muffins and listen to the birds chirp. Let’s go out to lunch at that little café downtown that serves the best rocky road ice cream. Let’s go to the mall, buy something we don’t need and spend the evening binge-watching Netflix and eating junk food.”
Although my daughter viewed our plans for the next day as a chance to escape the sometimes suffocating walls of school and responsibilities, I saw it for what it was… a mental health day.
When I was growing up, I missed school far more than my kids ever miss school. The mindset was different back then. If it was snowing and we wanted to build a snowman in the backyard, we took a hooky day. If my mom wasn’t feeling well and she didn’t feel like driving us, we took a hooky day. If we had a doctor’s appointment in the morning, my mom would give us the green light to take the rest of the day off.
And, it wasn’t just me. My friends missed school just as much as I did. It wasn’t considered taboo. School administrators didn’t frown on it as much as they do today. Parents didn’t freak out. And, we didn’t miss what seems like today, a week’s worth of make-up work, simply because we missed one day.
Although I’m not quite as lax as my mom was about missing school, I’ve come to realize that maybe I should be…
We were mentally healthier back then. We took breaks when we needed them, slacked off occasionally just for fun, but we still worked hard and put in the necessary effort when the chips were down. There was a healthier balance between work and play – far more than there is today.
And, considering how unrelenting the academic pressure is for middle, high school and college students these days, they need an occasional mental health day more than ever. Sure, a perfect attendance record is an amazing accomplishment and having the determination and will to keep going without skipping a beat is admirable, but even the toughest shells crack over time. And, not every child is equipped to handle the pressure.
When life gets to be too much, our teens look to us for answers. If we continue to push them and turn a blind eye to their stress thinking “they’re young, they can handle it,” we’re inadvertently instilling the belief that much-needed mental breaks are for sissys, and that only the weak can’t handle the pressure.
They need us to give them the answer to a question they don’t even know to ask… that their mental well-being should always come first.
For my daughter, it had been months of early alarm clocks, studying for tests, group projects, essays, final exams, clubs, extracurricular activities, volunteering and working at her part-time job as a waitress. And, when the weekend rolled around, she didn’t stop. She’d be busy studying for her upcoming ACT test, researching colleges, juggling more extracurricular activities and family obligations and, of course, doing more homework – all while trying to squeeze in a few precious hours with friends.
So tomorrow, you won’t find my daughter sitting in a classroom, going to practice or staying up until midnight cramming for a test.
Tomorrow, my daughter is taking a break from it all.
She’s giving herself a day to regroup, de-stress, laugh a little and lessen the weight of the world on her shoulders.
As she gets older, when I’m perhaps not quite as involved in her life as I am today, she needs to know that it’s not only okay to put herself first at times, it’s necessary. Her emotional, mental and psychological health, as well as her peace of mind, are all part of her overall well-being and vital to her happiness.
After tomorrow, my girl will jump back into reality with projects and labs, essays and homework, and activities and clubs, but hopefully with a fresher perspective, a more rested body, and a clearer mindset. I can’t do much to control her stress every day, but today, I’m giving my girl the freedom to give her mind and body the break that it needs.