The older I get the more I talk to myself… and, I’m not talking about the millions of random thoughts that pass through my brain that I keep to myself.
I’m talking about sudden, inadvertent, impulsive thoughts I blurt out, typically at inopportune times like when I’m in a bathroom stall at the mall.
I wish I could explain it. I used to be so normal.
When my kids were young I was extremely self-aware and never had random conversations with myself in public. I mean, really? People would have thought I was nuts!
But, here I am…
Maybe when my kids were young and chatty – constantly tugging on me, asking questions and throwing fits that required verbal intervention – I was all talked out and didn’t feel the need to talk to myself.
But now that my kids are teenagers and communication with them has dropped off the side of a cliff (mostly with my son), I now feel the need to have conversations with myself. You know… to sort of keep myself company since no one else will.
“These damn kids are eating me out of house and home,” I mutter under my breath while I’m standing in line at the grocery store.
“Ahaa, there you are. I thought I lost you!” I say to my keys (like we’re friends or something) when I’m checking out at Target.
In the bathroom stall at the mall where other women can hear me and probably think I’ve lost my mind, “He wants name brand sweatshirts? Well, that kid needs to get himself a job.”
“Heck, yeah! Way to go, baby, you got an A!” I blurt out a little too loudly when I’m out to lunch with a friend and get a text from my daughter.
Sometimes I think I’m going crazy.
Sometimes my kids think I’m going crazy, especially when they overhear me talking to the cat when I’m making dinner (who by the way, has become quite accustomed to being my sounding board),
“Where are all my damn spoons? Huh? Where??”
Sometimes even my husband looks at me, shakes his head, and wonders what happened to the sane woman he married.
But, don’t they know they did this to me?
When you’re a parent of teenagers you deal with a ton of emotion and stress. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of good and wonderful involved in raising teens as well. But let’s be real, it’s definitely the most challenging seven years for most parents.
I figure talking to myself (although occasionally I surprise myself and offer up a few quiet musings no one can actually hear), is my way of dealing with all that pent up emotion and frustration I have to deal with on a daily basis.
The funny thing is, I’ve gotten to know myself so much better. Sometimes I even shock myself. I’ll be standing there having no idea what I’m actually going to say when BAM! I’m blown away by my totally together “inner self” who steps in to reel me back from the brink of insanity or help me reason more wisely.
So, for all the moms like me, NO… you’re not going crazy!
Whether you’re spouting out mini conversations with yourself in public (kudos to you, by the way, for not giving a crap what other people think) or whispering random musings in private, you’re doing yourself a huge favor. You need to be your own best friend.
As for me, here are just a few of the musings and (not so quiet) utterances I’ve found myself saying since I became a parent of teenagers:
“What is that smell?”
“Since when did I become the neighborhood chauffeur?”
“Damn, I need a vacation. Cancun… Cancun would be nice.”
“Where the hell is my charger?”
“Where the hell are my scissors?”
Where the hell are my keys?”
“These cats would be dead if it wasn’t for me.”
“These kids would starve if it wasn’t for me.”
“If I put 15 hampers in my kids’ bedrooms, they’d still manage to find a spot where there wasn’t one.”
“Did a bomb go off in here?”
“Did an F-5 tornado come through here?”
“I definitely know which one of my kids came through here.”
“Who knew the toughest part of parenting was figuring out what to make for dinner for the rest of your life.”
“Am I the only one in this house who takes out the garbage?”
“Am I the only one in this house who empties the dishwasher?”
“Am I the only one in this house who folds laundry?”
“Speaking of laundry, would anyone notice if I just burned it?”
“Guess what kid, you’re not the only one who’s moody.”
“Did they forget how to talk?”
“I know they’re listening.”
“Why hasn’t someone invented padded bleachers?
“Why are all these moms so weird? Am I weird? Maybe I’m weird.”
“I’m tired of being so nice.”
“I’m tired of trying so hard.”
“I’m tired of my kids.”
“I’m tired of cooking.”
“I’m tired of everything.”
“I’m SUCH a good mom.”
“That’s it, I’m going on strike! Yeah, right… like I actually have a choice.”
“Yeah, right… a $1500 laptop? Who does he think he’s kidding?”
“My kids are killing me.”
“My kids amaze me.”
“My kids definitely take after me.”
“My kids are my everything.”
“I’m the luckiest mom in the world.”