This Post: The Car Rides, the Late Talks, the Tiny Moments – They Matter More Than You Know
Written By: Nancy Reynolds
I was exhausted… it had been a long, hard day, and I had just slipped into bed when I heard the soft knock on my bedroom door. My 17-year-old lanky son stood in the doorway with his messy (moppy) hair, wearing his favorite fleece plaid pajama pants despite them being way too short on him. “Hey, Mom… you awake?”
I wanted to say, “Whatcha need, hon? Can it wait until tomorrow? I’m so tired.” But I didn’t. I expected he might toss out a quick question, a goodnight, or that he might remind me of a project he had coming up and how he needed to get supplies. But there was something in his eyes that was unspoken. Something that quietly whispered to me, “My son needs me.”
“Can we talk for a sec?” he said.
“Sure, babe,” I said, while pulling back the covers, patting the bed, and watching him take a running leap and plopping next to me like he did when he was five.
The Car Rides, the Late Talks, the Tiny Moments – They Matter More Than You Know
With a gentle smile on my face, I waited for him to snuggle in amongst the covers and get comfortable, and that’s when I knew this was one of those moments – the rare, completely unplanned and wonderful moments when he was choosing (on his terms) to invite me into his world. And, you better believe I was “all in.” So, I propped up my pillow behind me and sat prepared to listen with all my heart (even though I needed toothpicks to keep my eyes open).
He talked. And, he talked. And… he talked.
About his stress in school. About a girl he was interested in. About how pressured he felt to have it all figured out, and how his counselor and teachers in school were deep diving into the college conversation, and how overwhelming it all was.
I listened. Not so much to fix his problems or solve anything, but rather, just to be there by his side so he knew he wasn’t alone in his feelings, fears, thoughts, or struggles. It was clear to me that he wasn’t looking for answers, just validation and maybe a few comforting words, which, of course, I was happy to offer.
“You know, hon, I get that life feels like it’s moving too fast for you. I also understand how overwhelming it all feels and how easy it is to feel behind the eight ball, especially when you’re not certain what you could or should be doing next. But it’s important to know you’re not alone – I’m here for you and we’ll figure this out together. We’re a team.”
I could see the relief in his eyes, and I knew that’s exactly what he needed to hear.
As the minutes turned into an hour, I realized: these are the sacred spaces. The unplanned, unpolished, in-between moments that I’ll carry in my heart forever and that hopefully, my son will remember, too.
Parenting teenagers isn’t always about the big milestones. It’s about the quiet car rides where they open up just enough to let you in. It’s about the late-night kitchen chats over leftovers. And, the moments in passing that feel so insignificant and small at the time, but carry weight far beyond what we realize.
These in-between spaces are where connection hides. And we have to be ready for them – even when we’re tired, distracted, or unsure of what to say.
The Power of the Car Ride
There is something so wonderful and magical about driving in the car, sitting side by side, staring straight ahead at the road with your teen. When we’re not face-to-face with our kids and life feels less stressful and more casual, the distractions seem to fall away. Even the silence somehow feels like connection. And suddenly, they gently open their heart about something that’s bothering them, a funny story they heard, or how a friend said something that hurt their feelings.
Whether it’s a twenty-minute errand or a three-hour car ride to their away game, the car becomes a sanctuary – a place where questions, answers and heartfelt feelings flow so much more easily.
We don’t need grand speeches, parents. We just need to be there. We just need to be the one who lets them sit in silence with their earbuds in or the comforting listening ear if they want to talk – even if it’s for miles and miles.
Late Nights and Open Doors
Our teens don’t operate on our schedules. While we might be up at the crack of dawn getting a jumpstart on our day, they’re hitting the snooze button 15 times. While we’re crawling into bed at 10 pm (or earlier!), they’re starting to come alive.
But what I’ve learned is that some of the best conversations with my kids always seem to happen when the house is still and the rest of the world is fast asleep.
I know… we’re exhausted. And finding that inner strength to be alert and listen when we’d rather settle into our slumber is so hard. But sometimes, that soft knock at the door is an invitation to their inner world. It won’t always come. It might not happen very often. But when it does, it’s worth everything.
Because those moments build trust and connection and a bond that’s like no other. They say, “You can come to me. Even late. Even when it’s hard. And, I’ll be here for you.”
Tiny Moments That Matter
It’s all too easy to spend the bulk of your time reminding, asking, and lecturing your teen and not enough time just “being.” I know I’ve certainly been guilty of it.
“Did you turn in your assignment?”
“I need you to clean your room this weekend. It’s a disaster.”
“Don’t forget. Dad needs help cleaning the garage this weekend.”
Sure, those reminders and questions are important, but our connection with our kids matters more. Sharing a meme. Laughing at a silly inside joke. Tossing snacks into the grocery cart that they didn’t ask for but love. Listening to the music they like, even if you don’t get it. These little things say, “I see you. I know you. You matter.”
And they add up.
It’s Easy to Miss It
We get so caught up in the big stuff – grades, responsibility, discipline, boundaries, life lessons. And yes, those things DO matter. But they aren’t where our relationship lives. It lives in the way we show up again and again in the everyday, ordinary moments. It lives where we find ourselves laughing and sharing, and being curious about their lives.
When we put down our phones. When we say yes to driving them somewhere. When we ask how their day was, and then wait to hear the long answer. (Because moms always want the long version.)
These are the bricks that build trust. The building blocks of a bond that lasts.
Why It Matters More Than You Know
Because they’re growing up. Because one day, they won’t be living under our roof. Because every time we laugh or share or have another heart-to-heart with our teen, we’re building memories that will last far beyond their teen years.
They might not remember what we said about algebra or curfews. But they will remember the way we made them feel. They’ll remember the car rides where they cried, and we didn’t try to fix it. The late-night talks when we didn’t have the answers, but we listened anyway. The quiet gestures that told them they were loved.
These are the moments that become their inner voice. The warmth they carry into adulthood.
So, Here’s to the In-Between.
To the drives, the talks, the tiny ways we show up… they matter. They may not look like much. But they matter more than we know. And they matter more than our teens will ever be able to say. Until, maybe, one day, they’re parents themselves – and they’ll know exactly what we meant.
If you enjoyed reading “The Car Rides, the Late Talks, the Tiny Moments – They Matter More Than You Know,” here are a few other posts you might like:
To My Teenage Son, You Can Shut Me Out But I Know You Still Need Me
Letting Go… The Hardest Part About Parenting Teens and How to See the Upside