This Post: Parenting Teens: 4 Tips When You Feel Alone on Your Parenting Journey
Written by: Ali Flynn
Do you ever have one of those days (or weeks, or months, or years) where you wonder, “Am I the only one struggling to navigate life with a teen?”
Raising teenagers is amazing and beautiful and wildly unpredictable. It’s filled with an energy and excitement I had yet to experience prior to my kids’ teen years, but it’s also hard.
Really hard at times.
There are days the water is calm and tranquil when my kids and I get along and truly connect and life seems to run smoothly, and then there are days I’m nearly sure the boat is about to capsize. There are days the sun gently kisses my cheek, like when I’m able to sneak in a long, unexpected hug with one of my kids that somehow nourishes my soul, and the following day, I’m exhausted from the day’s heat and burnt to a crisp, even after applying sunscreen and doing my best to protect myself.
One thing I know for certain that never seems to change when you’re parenting teens. The days continuously ebb and flow.
Every day challenges us in new ways.
Every day makes us wonder if we’re getting this right or getting this all wrong.
Every day makes us question ourselves, our children, our parenting.
Every day has its highs and lows, peaks and valleys, laughter, and, yes, sometimes tears.
It comes with the territory. It’s the path we chose. It’s the life we live and the beautiful view we get to enjoy – even if there are a few stormy days and bumps in the road we must endure.
It’s motherhood…
We just need to allow the tide to guide us, rather than resisting, while we ride the spectacular wave of raising our teenagers. We need to dive in with both feet, tread the turbulent water as it comes, be flexible and also realize that we have to lean in on one another – other moms who are navigating the unpredictable seas just like us – for support at times.
Because as we know, raising our teens is truly difficult at times.
For every mom who feels alone, here are a few tips from my heart to yours…
Parenting Teens: 4 Tips When You Feel Alone on Your Parenting Journey
You Are Not Alone…
Through the challenges and blessings, you are not alone.
Through the moments of elation or pure agony, you are not alone.
I’m not alone, nor are you.
We are on this journey together.
The more you believe it, the more you will feel it.
We may not know one another, but our bond is strong. It’s a common denominator we all share.
It’s being a mom.
It’s the gift of motherhood which forever connects us.
But friends, let’s be honest.
Despite the deep connection of motherhood we share, sometimes, we do feel alone.
We feel we are the only mom saying no or the only mom receiving eye rolls and heavy sighs for simply breathing.
We feel we are the only mom setting boundaries, holding our ground and enforcing consequences.
Maybe we feel left out of the mom social circle, taking us back to our insecure middle school days.
Maybe we have placed in our minds an idealistic view of what momhood is meant to be and we strive each day to attain it over and over again but simply set ourselves up for failure because perfectionism isn’t attainable.
As a mom currently raising four teenagers, I can confidently tell you this… no mom has it all together.
The second-guessing. Check.
The mom guilt. Check.
The heartache at times. Check.
The loneliness. Check.
For every mom who feels alone, remember, you are not alone. So take my hand as we ride this wave together.
Full Transparency with Other Moms You Trust is a Game-Changer
It may seem scary and I’m not saying share every nitty-gritty detail of your personal life but the fine details, which we often harbor and push down deep inside, can be refreshing to let out.
Share it.
Share, with grace, the argument you had with your teen which is eating you up inside or the proud moment without hesitation.
Share the worries that engulf you, the fears that keep you up at night and the well-intentioned mistakes you’ve made along the way… just share it.
This doesn’t mean you cross privacy boundaries for your child, or go into full detail of the play by play, but feel an ease and an openness to share.
I have found when I’m feeling alone and thinking no other mom has dealt with a particular topic, I am always wrong.
It’s amazing how the day turns around when I open up with honesty and authenticity and receive validation for my feelings, a sudden sense of true belonging and camaraderie, and a different perspective that is so often refreshing and needed.
Full transparency has also opened me up to friendships that are real, rather than investing time in friendships that place a buffer on the truth.
We begin to invest time in friendships that offer deep conversations about life rather than mindless chatter. We start to learn more about the art of raising children and teens and see life from a new vantage point rather than just our own. And we begin to truly be our authentic selves.
Ask For Help
Yup! You read that right.
Ask for help.
I know for some of us, this is truly difficult and can almost make us choke, but the more comfortable we get with asking for help, the easier our day-to-day lives can become.
If you are feeling overloaded or overwhelmed, ask your family to help.
If the household chores are beginning to feel like a weighted backpack holding you down, ask your husband for help.
Ask a friend to pick up a carpool shift.
Ask your teen to pick up dinner on their way home.
Ask a neighbor to go on a walk for fresh air to clear your mind.
Ask yourself for some grace on the hard days.
It’s not a sign of weakness, mama… it’s a sign of strength.
Be There For One Another
We are each other’s lifeline and each other’s gifts.
If it’s a hard day, send a silly GIF, drop off a coffee and add in a muffin.
If you know another mom is struggling with her teen, pick up the phone to chat, validate her feelings, maybe share your own journey and what worked for you.
Just don’t forget, we need each other on this journey.
Parenting teens is amazing and emotional and beautiful and brutal at times, so let’s remember to share our stories as a reminder we are on this motherhood journey together and that we’re never ever alone.
About Ali Flynn:
Ali Flynn is excited to share with you the joys and hardships of motherhood with an open heart, laughter and some tears. Ali is a monthly guest contributor for Westchester County Moms and has been seen on Filter Free Parents, Grown and Flown, Today Parents, The Mighty, Her View From Home and His View From Home, where she shares inspirational stories about motherhood while keeping it real. You can also find her on Facebook or Instagram.