This Post: Forgetfulness and Teens: Why I’m Not Bailing My Kid Out This Year
Written By: Amannda Maphies
“I forgot…”
If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a million times from my son.
Whether it’s forgetting his laptop when he’s rushing out the door for school, forgetting to turn in his homework, or forgetting about a project that’s due the next day, it’s a battle we seem to fight… often.
At 14, he looks like a man, (he towers over me at six feet tall), but this I know for sure… my son is still very much a child. He may be one year from high school, two years from driving, and four years from going to college, but at 14, we still need to work on several things before he’s ready to launch into this world without me.
One of those is his forgetfulness.
Forgetfulness and Teens: Why I’m Not Bailing My Kid Out This Year
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I get it. Forgetfulness and teens go hand in hand…
My son (like so many other teenagers) has A LOT on his plate. Between school, homework, sports, chores, friends, and family obligations, it’s easy for some things to slip through the cracks.
And, all those raging hormones and his developing brain certainly don’t help matters. In fact, focus, planning, and memory can become hit or miss during the ongoing evolution of his teen brain.
However, as his mom, I feel like I’m always bailing him out.
“Mooom, can you please bring my laptop to school? I left it on my desk!”
“Mom! OMG, I’m supposed to bring in supplies for a group project tomorrow! Can you drive me to the store, pleeeasse?”
“Moooom!” OMG, I forgot we have a game tomorrow! Is my jersey washed?”
It’s all pretty darn exhausting.
Honestly, I try to be patient with him, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t insist he learn the all-important lesson – the art of remembering.
Whether it’s keeping track of stuff or remembering what has to be done, chances are you won’t see progress overnight (these things take time), but here are 6 things you can do to help your teen remember – things that are working with my son.
1. Help Them Get Organized
Research has shown that a cluttered space = a cluttered mind. Therefore, one of the things you can do to clear your child’s mind and help them more easily remember things is to get them organized.
Dedicate time to getting their bedroom, closet, desk area, and backpack organized. (Ahem… no telling how long it will stay organized – we’re talking teenagers here, but it does help!)
They’ll be far more likely to remember their laptop if they can see it on their uncluttered desk. And, they won’t have trouble finding their favorite hoodie if it’s not lost in the sea of clothes on their bedroom floor.
Also, consider investing in an academic planner to help them stay on top of all their homework, practices and games, extracurriculars, to-dos, and responsibilities. These student planner stickers make getting and staying organized fun so they don’t feel like it’s such a chore.
2. Train Them to Think Ahead
I’ve reminded my son of so many things so many times I wonder if he feels the need to think at all. After all, with me as his dedicated wingman, who the heck needs to remember anything? That’s why I’m stepping back from reminding him constantly, (which seems to go in one ear and out the other), and instead encouraging him to think ahead AND consider the consequences of his forgetfulness.
“If you forget your jersey on Friday, you know your coach won’t let you play.”
“Your friends are going to be disappointed if you can’t attend that big party Friday night and you won’t be going if you don’t tackle your chores.”
According to Dr. Denny Coates, an expert in parent-child communication and adolescent brain development, we have to help our kids become future thinkers. “Parents need to encourage kids to think about the future, because without considering possible outcomes, how are they supposed to learn from mistakes, foresee unwanted consequences, solve problems, make good decisions, set goals, or start and finish projects?”
3. Set a Routine and Focus on Time Management Techniques
It’s not always easy to stick to a steadfast schedule, but I have found that my son likes knowing “what’s next” and he thrives on having a (somewhat) predictable time management schedule. He knows in our house homework is done before dinner, no gaming until chores are done, and after practice or a game, he needs to finish up any homework he didn’t get done earlier.
With busy teenagers, sometimes, a set routine just ain’t gonna happen and we need to offer grace and flexibility to both our teens and ourselves, but I’ve learned that even a “soft” schedule can make all the difference in the world in helping teens manage and prioritize their time more efficiently and remember what needs to be done. Check out these 8 Time Management Techniques for Students.
4. Calendars, Whiteboards, To-Do Lists, and Post-It-Notes Can Be Lifesavers
There’s nothing more satisfying than checking something off a to-do list. Sure, you can use technology (we’ll talk about that next), but research has shown that writing something down is the equivalent of reading it six times… which means there’s a far greater chance your teen will actually remember it.
Invest in a great organization calendar, a whiteboard that they can hang in their bedroom, or even small sticky notes. Encourage them to write down homework assignments and when they’re due as well as their practice, game, and work schedule in the calendar or on the whiteboard. And use those sticky notes for little reminders (whether your kids write them or you help them out and leave them on their bathroom mirror in the morning).
“Don’t forget your jersey today…I can’t wait to see you play!’” or “Bring your instrument home…. I want to hear how much you’re improving!” or even: “Please put your clean laundry away…I love YOU!”
Heads Up, MOMS: The Mom’s No-Nag To-Do list shown here is a great tool to help your teen remember appointments, dates, school-related stuff, and other things. Plus, a lot of parents agree it’s helped alleviate their need to constantly remind (or nag) their kids! Check it out on AMAZON!
5. Take Advantage of Technology
If your teen isn’t into writing things down and they’re more “techy,” try leveraging digital tools like smartphone apps, alarms, and reminders – they can do wonders to help them remember everything from homework they need to turn in to an upcoming game to grandma’s upcoming birthday party. Check out these amazing organization apps!
Encourage your teen to set reminders for upcoming deadlines, appointments, and daily tasks. Many apps offer customizable alerts so important things won’t be forgotten.
6. Let Them Deal with the Natural Consequences
I’ve received plenty of calls over the years from my son’s teacher…. and from my son. “Mom, I left my laptop at home” or “Mom, my homework is in the car, can you drop it off?” It’s exhausting just writing about it!
This year, I vow (I may fall short, moms have a learning curve as well) to not bail him out. If I always rescue him, how on earth will this kid learn? (I know, parents… this is SO much easier said than done!)
NOTE: If your teen’s forgetfulness is a major issue in their life, it could mean some life changes are in order. Changes like an earlier bedtime, less screen time, perhaps a homework tutor is in order, or there may be a specific issue that requires additional help from a therapist or doctor.
Being a teen is hard!
This is the first time in our kids’ lives that they’re being treated like adults in many ways and still a child in others. No wonder they seem consummately confused and forgetful!
Rome wasn’t built in a day and your teen likely won’t have it all figured out even with these helpful hints. Stay consistent, practice what you preach, and leave some wiggle room for those inevitable mess-ups. In time, your teen will become less forgetful, more organized, and far more responsible.
About Amannda Maphies:
Amannda works at the UMKC School of Pharmacy, is a boy mom to Liam (13) and Waylan (11), and enjoys freelance writing based on her travels, life adventures, and pretty much anything that stands out as ‘story-worthy’. Manndi contributes to several online and written publications varying in content from single motherhood, raising teens, biblical perspectives, and inspirational/overcoming stories based on her unique life journey. She also enjoys a slice of journalism, writing for two local publications: Ozarks Farm and Neighbor and Connections Magazine. Manndi is proud to be published in Chicken Soup for the Soul Believing in Angels (January 2022), and her first book was published in September 2022, Tales From My Mummy. Her writing is lovingly filled with inspiration, encouragement, and always a touch of humor. “Live a life worthy of writing about,” is her life motto, which she strives to emulate daily.
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