This Post: Dear High School Seniors, You’re Not Supposed to Have It All Figured Out
Written By: Marybeth Bock
Let’s just come right out and say it – being a high school senior isn’t easy. If you have a senior near and dear to your heart, you know firsthand that the days and nights are long and full of anxious feelings, what-ifs, and plenty of “Am I even ready for this?” thoughts. And, it’s not just our seniors who feel stressed… as parents, we’re just as apprehensive about this new phase of our teens’ lives as they are!
Dear High School Seniors, You’re Not Supposed to Have It All Figured Out
The last year of high school is easily one of the most stressful times in a teenager’s young life. For many teens, it feels like the official end of childhood.
Suddenly, they’re thrown into adulthood and forced to make big decisions long before they’re ready. Then, to really send their stress soaring, they’re being bombarded with questions from their parents, teachers, coaches, relatives, and other well-intended adults.
“So… what are your plans after college”
“You ARE going to college, right?”
“Which colleges are you applying to?”
“What will you major in?”
“Oh… you’re not going to college? Will you be taking a gap year? Why?”
“Are you going to a trade school?”
“Will you be joining the military?”
It’s ALL so exhausting…
Why has the pressure to have it “all figured out” for our teens gotten so intense and how can we as parents help alleviate some of this stress for our kids?
First, let me shout this message from the mountaintops to every teenager who’s feeling like they need to have life completely figured out – take a deep breath.
It’s okay not to have all the answers right now. In fact, it’s normal! There’s this pressure to know your future, map out your dreams, and be certain of your direction, but here’s the truth: life isn’t a race, and there’s no finish line you have to cross by the time you turn 18.
Your senior year isn’t the end of the road; it’s just the beginning of your journey. It’s okay to question your path, to explore different interests, and to feel uncertain about what comes next.
Some of the most inspiring and successful people didn’t have it all figured out when they were your age and that didn’t stop them from becoming who they were meant to be. Growth takes time, and so does discovering who you are and what you want.
Instead of trying to have it all planned out, focus on what excites you, what interests you, and what makes you feel alive. Follow those little sparks. They’ll lead you to where you’re meant to go. And if you change your mind along the way? That’s not failure; that’s learning!
The world is full of possibilities, and you don’t have to have all the answers right now to step into it. Give yourself permission to take things one step at a time. Trust that with time, experience, and a little patience, your direction and all those questions you have looming in your head will be answered with more clarity. You’ve got a lifetime to figure things out AND, little do you know, you’re already doing better than you think!
And parents, if your teen is feeling pressured to have it all figured out, here are 6 ways you can help them:
1. Listen When They Want to Talk OR Vent
Let them share their worries, fears, and apprehensions without offering a barrage of solutions or judgment. I know… it can be so hard after spending more than a decade “fixing things” in your kid’s life. Instead, ask them, “Do you just want to vent, or are you looking for advice?” So often, what they really want and need is a sounding board and to have their feelings validated. Saying something like this can go a long way, “I get it… you’re in the midst of big changes in your life. It’s normal for you to be feeling overwhelmed. I felt the same way when I was your age. But I promise, things really WILL work out.”
2. Help Them Break Down Overwhelming Tasks into Manageable Steps
It’s easy for seniors to want to give up when faced with complicated tasks that have so many moving parts. Rather than watch them flounder, help them break those tasks down into bite-sized pieces. For instance, when completing college applications (which can stress seniors out!), have them create a list of potential colleges they’re interested in, write down all the deadlines so they know the time frame, gather materials, draft necessary essays, complete the application, request recommendations, etc.
The more they have those tasks (whatever those tasks may be) broken down, the easier it will be for them to feel a sense of accomplishment when they check them off their list. Just seeing their progress can keep them motivated to keep moving forward.
3. Encourage Them to Keep Things in Perspective
Make sure your senior understands that it’s normal to feel overwhelmed, that it’s okay if their decisions don’t come easy, and that potential setbacks are part of the journey. For every college acceptance letter they receive, for instance, they might receive a rejection letter.
More than anything, make sure they know that quite often things really do work out the way they’re supposed to (even though it may not feel like it at the time). Encourage them to trust the process, and have faith that everything WILL work out.
4. Stand Ready to Jump in and Help When They Need It
You can’t take over and do things for your senior, but you can certainly lend an ear, offer advice, proof an essay for them, make a phone call to a college, do some research on a college major or a career they’re interested in, or do other tasks that can take the pressure off of them.
Not only is this time in their lives overwhelming, it’s crazy busy and your teen can use all the help you’re willing to give.
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5. Give Them Plenty of “You Got This!” Reassurance
They’re bound to have days when they feel like it’s all too much to handle. They might be also convinced that all their friends have everything mapped out to a “T” based on what they hear and see on social media. But remind your teen that people are notorious for posting the “highlight reels” of their lives… they don’t post the challenges or struggles.
Remind them, too, that so many kids end up changing majors, colleges, and their direction within the decade following high school. Nothing is set in stone. They have a lifetime ahead of them and plenty of time to shift gears if they feel they’re moving in the wrong direction.
6. Take the Pressure Off at Home
Your child’s senior year is when you’re likely to argue more than you ever have. They’re stressed which makes you stressed. Try not to contribute to your OR your teen’s stress by taking things in stride. If their bedroom is messier than usual… think about letting it slide. If they’re a bit more moody and sensitive than usual… try to be understanding. Just know your teen is at a major crossroads in their life and they need all the patience and grace you can offer.
My dear high school seniors, (and parents), please… take a deep breath.
It’s okay not to have everything figured out right now. Focus on what excites you and take it one step at a time. The future isn’t a race, and you’ll find your way as you go. Trust yourself—you’ve got this!
About Marybeth Bock
Marybeth Bock, MPH, is a Mom to two young adults and one delightful hound dog. She has logged time as a military spouse, childbirth educator, college instructor, and freelance writer. She lives in Arizona and thoroughly enjoys research and writing – as long as iced coffee is involved. Her work can be found on numerous websites and in two books. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
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