This Post: 6 Lessons Our Teens Teach Us About Life, Love, and Ourselves
Written By: Jennifer Witten
Teens. The word itself conjures up images of slamming doors, eye rolls, and monosyllabic responses. Society often paints a picture of teenagers as sullen, entitled, rebellious creatures focused solely on themselves, the latest trends, and social media drama.
But here’s a secret most of us don’t realize until long after our kids leave the nest…
If we open our eyes and hearts, our teenagers can be our greatest teachers. Yes, the teenage years can be challenging. But within those challenges lie profound lessons about life, love, and ourselves.
As a conscious parenting coach, I’ve witnessed firsthand the transformative power of these lessons, not just for our children, but for ourselves.
6 Lessons Our Teenagers Teach Us About Life, Love and Ourselves
Lesson 1: The Power of Vulnerability
Teenagers wear their emotions on their sleeve. They slam doors in frustration, cry openly over lost friendships, and lash out with hurtful words in the heat of the moment. This raw, unfiltered expression can be uncomfortable (and exhausting) for us parents, can’t it? We want to shield our kids from pain, offer solutions, and fix their problems. But this very discomfort holds a valuable lesson – the importance of expressing our own emotions authentically.
Somewhere along the way, you may have learned it was better to suppress the very emotions that make you human and make you vulnerable. But is life better without that vulnerability?
Witnessing our teens’ vulnerability can serve as a powerful reminder to connect with our own feelings and express them in a healthy way. Vulnerability cracks open the shell, revealing the jewel of human connection. It’s in sharing our authentic selves that we truly connect.
Lesson 2: Embracing Risk and Change
Teenagers are hardwired to crave new experiences, push boundaries, and sometimes, take risks that make us hold our breath. Any parent of teens knows this can be scary. But taking chances and risks is how they learn about themselves and what they’re capable of.
Whether it’s stepping out of their comfort zone to try something new, pursuing a dream, or simply going out of their way to make a new friend – witnessing our teens’ courage can inspire us to do the same!
So sure, while our kids’ risk-taking behavior can be scary, it teaches us a powerful lesson: that perhaps the walls we’ve built against risk, change, and novelty-seeking are too insulated. What if our teenagers could show us that taking risks and making changes could actually be a good thing?
NOTE: I’m not advocating that we should allow our teens to do things that put them or others in harm’s way, but we must start to recognize that some risks are healthy – and in fact, shake up our stagnancy and help us grow as humans.
Lesson 3: Letting Go of Perfectionism
Teenagers make LOTS of mistakes. And, they’re not perfect by any means. They forget to do their homework, lose the car keys, they’re messy and sometimes, fall short of our expectations. This can be hugely frustrating, especially for parents who are quiet perfectionists (hello, you’re talking to a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist here)!
What I’ve learned, though, is that more often than not, it’s my own yearning for flawlessness that makes me worry that my kids don’t measure up to some unseen standard – that somehow I’m not doing my job as a parent. When I feel the “not good enough” monster rearing its head, I tend to put pressure on my kids to strive for perfection… it’s a trap!
However, within the chaos and imperfection of raising teens lies a beautiful truth that our teens are teaching us: The importance of learning to accept ourselves, flaws and all, and the beauty of embracing the messy, the ordinary, and the chaos of life – that’s what makes us human.
HINT: Our kids don’t crave a perfect parent. They want a parent who’s present, connected, and willing to make mistakes alongside them. That’s where real connection thrives.
Lesson 4: Finding Joy in the Present Moment
One of the things I love most about teenagers is how they exist in the here and now. They find raw and wonderful joy in spontaneous adventures, laugh wholeheartedly at silly jokes, and have a preciously unique way of slowing down to smell the roses.
What a powerful reminder!
The joy and connection we crave can only be found by joining them in their world. If your relationship with your teen feels strained, know that you have the power to start anew, right here in the expansive space of the present moment.
Lesson 5: Navigating Grief and Loss
The teen years are a rollercoaster of “firsts” often involving loss – first heartbreak, the loss of a friendship, loved one, or pet, or even the first time they get rejected for an internship, job, or college of choice. Though painful, these experiences offer valuable lessons in navigating grief and loss.
As parents, we experience a parallel cycle of grief, something that quite often catches us off guard. We’ve spent well over a decade guiding a child who once relied on us for everything – a scraped knee, a bad dream, a simple hug. Now they’re a distant, taller, more independent version of that same child. Experiencing them pulling away can be difficult, and we grieve the moments that have passed.
Witnessing our teenagers grapple with their own emotions reignites our capacity for compassion and reminds us that pain is an inevitable part of life – not something to avoid, but embrace. Grief, too, can become a bridge of connection with our teens. As they encounter heartbreaks, we can certainly relate, for our hearts ache, too.
Lesson 6: Appreciating Every Stage of Childhood
Looking back, we can’t help but appreciate the earlier stages of our kids’ childhood – the cuddles, the bedtime stories, the simple joys of exploring the world through our kids’ eyes.
This appreciation isn’t about romanticizing the past, but rather, recognizing the preciousness of time spent with our children at each stage.
As you settle into the reality that time goes by too fast (weren’t they a toddler learning to walk just yesterday?!), their teenage years are the perfect time to learn to savor the present moment, knowing that these fleeting moments will soon become cherished memories.
Life is about seasons. As our teens prepare to one day spread their wings and fly out of our protected nest, we have an opportunity to get excited about the next chapter of our lives. Just like our teens have their whole life ahead of them, the same is true for us!
Teens are our teachers…
Our teenagers, with all their messiness, imperfections, and emotional intensity, offer a powerful mirror to our own lives. They challenge us to grow, to be more present, and to embrace the beauty of vulnerability.
They remind us of the importance of taking risks, navigating loss with grace, and letting go of the need for perfection. They teach us to find joy in the present moment, build strong and lasting connections, and appreciate every precious stage of life…
So, the next time you find yourself feeling exasperated because your teen slammed their bedroom door or offered an emotionally charged response, take a deep breath. Remember, your teenager isn’t just your child; they’re a mirror reflecting wisdom that is here to teach us and make us better. Embrace the journey, the lessons, and most importantly, embrace the love that continues to bind you together.
About Jennifer Witten
Jennifer Witten is a certified Conscious Parenting coach and Somatic Breathwork practitioner, who guides individuals through the journey of parenthood. Jennifer uses breathwork mindfulness alongside the Conscious Parenting Method to create a space where both parents and children can thrive.
If you enjoyed reading, “6 Lessons Our Teens Teach Us About Life, Love, and Ourselves,” here are a few other posts you might like!
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