There are some mornings in my house where everything seems to go off without a hitch. The kids hop out of bed without any serious prodding or nagging on my part (or a crane, for that matter). They grab a quick breakfast without any major delays or catastrophic events and they’re able to find all their schoolwork and backpacks just in the nick of time to make the bus.
Other mornings feel far more like a train wreck… this happened to be one of those mornings.
The kids were running late for school, I was exhausted from (once again) staying up too late trying to get caught up on laundry and a bunch of other seemingly insignificant things that no one ever seems to notice that I do (until I don’t do them, of course) and, to top it off, the toaster completely died, my son couldn’t find his homework, my daughter was complaining about her frizzy hair and my sister called wanting my pot roast recipe.
Normally, I go with the flow and juggle mornings like this pretty well, but this wasn’t one of those days. I was tired and worn out. Despite giving it my all day in and day out, I felt as though it never seemed to be enough and I was just plain tired of trying. The house, the cooking, the cleaning, the errands, the dog, my kids, my marriage, the chaos – it was all too much.
There was a stack of dishes in the sink I never found the energy to clean the night before, a pile of crumbs on the kitchen floor, mounds of clothes that had to be put away, and my kids’ bedrooms… well, let’s just say they looked like a small (okay, a big) bomb went off. To say I was feeling overwhelmed was an understatement.
As I held the phone up to my ear with my sister on the other end patiently waiting for my pot roast recipe, I found myself apologizing to her for yelling in her ear.
“Forget your homework! You can turn it in tomorrow. Just get moving or you’ll miss the bus!” “Stop messing with your hair; it looks fine! No, it’s not frizzy at all! Just put it in a braid today!” “Will you stop playing with the dog and get your shoes on?”
Normally I would have asked my sister if I could call her back since it was clearly annoying for her to have to listen to all the chaotic background noise. But for some reason, having her on the phone brought me the comfort and solidarity I think I needed on that particular day.
Not only is she my big sister, she also “gets” where I am in life. With three (now much older) kids of her own, she remembers all too well those crazy, chaotic, exhausting days.
Hearing the chaos in the background and the stress in my voice as I scrambled to get my kids fed and out the door on time, my sister said something that made me rethink a few things in my life.
Chuckling under her breath she said, “Boy, what I wouldn’t give to have a day like that again.”
Laughing, I said “Miss these days?” I don’t think so!”
“Oh, but you will,” she said. “I know you can’t imagine missing any of it when you’re in the thick of it, but you’ll miss every bit of it – the mess, the chaos, the noise.”
Later that morning after I finally got my kids off to school and sat down on the couch for a brief moment with my then ice-cold cup of coffee, I thought about what my sister said.
I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined what life will be like when my kids are grown, when they have lives of their own and when it’s just my husband and me alone in the house. I have to admit, for a minute the idea of a quiet house sounded like sheer heaven. But, I soon came to the realization that the small slice of silent heaven wasn’t quite as appealing as it sounded… the fact is, I really was going to miss this.
I’ll miss how my kids’ chatter and energy bring such vitality to my life and to my home.
I’ll miss the rush of dinners on busy weeknights and hearing about the latest drama in their lives or their complaints about how much homework they have and how they’ll never get it all done.
I’ll miss wondering who left all the freaking cabinet doors open in the kitchen, what that sticky stuff is on the floor, and who spilled a drink on the couch and didn’t fess up.
I’ll miss driving them (and all their friends) to Timbukto, sneakily listening in on their conversations, and getting an inside glimpse into my kids’ tender lives.
I’ll miss the pile of laundry that I never seem to catch up on, the messy pantry, the overflowing shopping cart, our ridiculously high food bill and my kids’ constant complaints that there’s never anything good to eat in the house.
I’ll miss hearing their laughter when they watch silly YouTube videos, the way they sprawl out on the couch to watch their favorite Netflix show and the casual, unexpected drop-ins from their friends whom I’ve known since they were babies.
I’ll miss the pile of shoes by the back door, the backpacks and papers on the counter, the wet towels on the bathroom floor, and the cups and bowls left on their nightstand from the night before.
And, just the thought of seeing my kids’ bedrooms spotless (and lifeless) makes me realize how much I’ll miss that, too.
I’ll miss all the late-night conversations with my kids about nothing of particular importance, making their favorite dinner when they’ve had a bad day, and sitting on their bed quietly studying their profile while they barrel through another night of homework.
I’ll miss wondering why my son takes such long showers, wondering why my daughter changes clothes six times a day, hearing them blast their music, and being there to dry their tears when life gets them down.
Mostly, I’ll miss the comfort of knowing they’re all safe and sound under my roof, I’ll miss precious family time when it’s just us and simply being part of their daily lives and routine.
As I sat there, it really sunk in that this doesn’t last forever. When our kids are young, we feel as though we have all the time in the world with them.
But we don’t.
When you’re in the midst of everyday life, when you’re deep in the throes of the chaos and you’re muddling through the exhausting days that wear you out and weigh you down, you don’t realize how quickly and quietly the days are slipping by.
You don’t realize how your kid’s face is slowly changing, how your son’s voice is deepening, how big his feet are growing or how quickly your daughter is turning into a young woman.
You don’t realize that they’re slowly pulling away, that with each passing day they need you just a little less and that your hard work of raising confident, capable kids is finally paying off.
When they finally do spread their wings and venture out on their own you have the peace of knowing you did your best, the memories you’ll always hold dear and the beautiful promise of the next phase of their lives (and yours.)
But, for now, mama, just take it all in. Try not to let the little things get to you. Put things into perspective – the mess, the chaos, the noise, the hectic schedule. This won’t last forever… one day your house will be quiet, your kids will be building a life of their own and there won’t be any messes to clean.
If you enjoyed this post, here are a few others you may enjoy reading:
Here’s Why You Should Fight to Build a Relationship with Your Teen
10 Things Teenagers Love (Even If They Don’t Admit It)
10 Triggers That Are Setting Your Teen Off Big Time