This Post: 25 Things Your Teen Daughter Isn’t Telling You (Probably)

Written By: Raising Teens Today Community

I ran into the mom of one of my daughter’s friends at the grocery store the other day. Standing in the frozen food section we struck up a conversation that covered everything from the cost of groceries these days to her upcoming family vacation.

Of course, like most mom conversations, we eventually started chatting about our kids. 

That’s when she said, “I think the boy your daughter is dating is adorable! They’re so cute together!”

Shocked and completely caught off guard, I thought to myself, “Wait… my daughter is dating someone????”

After chatting with my daughter, it turns out she’s not actually dating him, but she’s definitely crushing pretty heavily on this boy. That’s when I realized that even though my daughter and I have a pretty tight relationship, there are probably plenty of other things she’s keeping to herself. 

25 Things Your Teen Daughter Isn’t Telling You

Of course, every teen girl is different. Chances are your teen daughter isn’t sharing at least a few of these “honest truths” with you. From silly and sassy to sappy and serious, here are a few things your teen daughter isn’t telling you (probably).

1. She thinks about dating, kissing, and sex more than you think

She lays awake at night wondering what her first kiss will be like. She wonders what it’s going to be like to actually date ONE person and even though she may not be ready to have sex yet, she thinks about it, she’s curious about it, and she and her friends talk about it a lot more than you think they do.

2. She’s crushing on someone

She might not let on, she might feel embarrassed to talk about and it might change monthly, or even weekly, but she’s definitely got her eye on someone who makes her heart flutter every time they walk by. Sure, she’ll share that kind of info with her besties, but chances are, she’ll leave you in the dark.

3. She thinks her thighs are too big

Or that her nose is too big or her boobs are too small or her butt isn’t round or firm enough like the fitness influencers she sees on TikTok.

She looks in the mirror and criticizes herself way more than you think she does. She can’t help but see perfect bodies on social media and she secretly wishes she could be more like them.

4. She loves all the ways you silently say “I love you”

When you pick her up food or her favorite smoothie on the way home from the grocery store. When you text her and tell her to have a great day at school. When you prop yourself up in bed and listen to her go on and on about her day when she knows you’re dead tired. When you surprise her by doing her laundry, tidying up her bedroom, or taking something off her plate that’s stressing her out. She may not show as much appreciation as you’d like, but she feels loved when you do it. 

5. She’s afraid of disappointing you

She really IS trying, but sometimes her best just doesn’t feel good enough. Like when she bombed that test, didn’t get that job she wanted, and missed the goal at her last game. She wants to make you proud, but she fears you’re comparing her to other kids. More than anything, she wants you to love her just the way she is.

6. She keeps you in the dark to avoid your long lectures

She’s not telling you that one of her good friends had sex. She’s not telling you that she caved in and cheated on that big test because she knows she never would have passed otherwise. And she’s definitely not going to tell you that she tried vaping a few weekends ago. In her mind, it’s all no big deal, but she knows you’ll flip out, so for your own good (and hers) she keeps you in the dark… at least about some things.

7. She loves it when you give her space

There’s so much stuff swirling around in her head, so many deep emotions she’s feeling and so many hormones she’s trying to deal with. Knowing she can retreat to her bedroom for a couple of hours to think, regroup, chill out, and just “be” is exactly what she needs.

She may not say it, but she loves that you let her close her door and that you’re not constantly making her feel guilty for needing alone time. 

8. Some days she hates the world… but doesn’t know why

It might seem like she hates you, at times. It might seem like everything you do annoys her. But it’s hormones. “Why are you asking me so many questions? Ugh, you’re chewing so loudly!” Just back away slowly – it may take a few hours or a few days, but she’ll come around eventually. Just remember, it’s not you.

9. She put the empty cereal box back in the pantry

She’s also the one who piled more trash in the trash can and now it’s overflowing (and, of course, she didn’t empty it). She’s also the one who threw the wet towels on the floor, made herself a snack and left the kitchen a mess, and left every cabinet door wide open. She tries to remember these things, but it’s just not that important to her. That’s Mom’s job.

10. “Leave me alone!” doesn’t always mean she wants to be alone

She doesn’t always know what she wants. And, sometimes, her hormones get the best of her. Sometimes she says she wants to be alone, but what she really needs is a hug. What she really needs is you.

Don’t take it personally. And don’t be surprised if after she slams her bedroom door, she comes wandering out to see you (and maybe even apologize). 

11. She gets frustrated when you tell her to clean her room

She knows it’s a disaster. She knows she needs to clean it. She knows how much you hate it when it gets out of hand. But she wants to clean it when SHE wants to clean it. When she has time. When she’s in the mood. When she can’t stand it anymore. In her mind, it’s her own little corner of the world and she should have at least some say in when she cleans it (even if it IS your house).

12. Some days she feels all grown-up; other days she wants to be “babied”

She’s in this weird place right now. She’s expected to act mature and all grown up, but deep down inside she still wants to cuddle with her stuffed animals, watch cartoons, and have you make her favorite snack. She’s dipping her toes in adult life, but she’s not ready yet and she needs you to understand how hard it is for her to let go of her childhood.

13. She really does love family traditions (yep… even the corny ones)

Easter baskets and Easter egg hunts, the elf-on-the-shelf, cookie-baking days before Christmas, and even the annual trip your family takes to pick apples (that she complains about). She may never admit it, but she secretly loves all those family traditions that remind her of her childhood – especially the corny ones.

14. “Teenager-ish” things are happening to her body

She’s feeling clumsy because she’s growing so fast, she’s waking up with gross pimples on her chin and her period cramps are making her cranky and miserable. Her hormones are raging. Chances are she won’t keep you in the loop when puberty kicks in (even though there are some telltale signs), but she needs you to know that there’s a whole lot going on in her body right now. (Now is a good time to cut your daughter a little slack – growing up is HARD.)

15. She cares more about her friends than she does her GPA

All that talk about getting good grades, maintaining her GPA, and crafting the perfect resume so she can get into a “good” college is exhausting.

Sure, she knows college and the next phase of her life are approaching faster than she’d like which is exactly why she wants to enjoy life, laugh, and make amazing memories with her friends. Her friends are the center of her world right now – little else really matters. 

16. She wants more one-on-one time with you

Life is busy for her and you. In the midst of her always-on-the-go schedule, she craves spending time with you… even if she does pretend she doesn’t and wears Airpods half the time. It comforts her to know you’re there if she needs you and it makes her feel loved knowing you’ll carve out special time just for her. 

17. She’d tell you more… if you listened 

She wants to tell you there was alcohol at that party or that her best friend tried weed. She wants to share her life with you – the good and the bad. She just doesn’t want you to pound her with questions, freak out when you disapprove, or think she’s a bad kid. As tempting as it is, quiet down and let her fill the silence. It’s her turn. (Save the lecture for later.)

18. She wants a dog (or a cat)

You know how she’s always asking if you can go to the Humane Society to pet the dogs and cuddly puppies? She really really wants a dog. A sweet puppy to snuggle with at night, who can bring her comfort when she’s sad or left out or feeling low. I know… you’ve said “No” a million times for legitimate reasons, but deep down inside she wishes you’d say, “Yes.”

19. She hates most of the clothes in her closet

Yep, her closet is stuffed and she can barely close her dresser drawers, but she STILL feels like she has nothing to wear. Nothing cute, nothing trendy, nothing hip.

She wants to go shopping... again, but she’s pretty sure she’ll get a lecture from you, “Geez… how many leggings do you need?” Or, “Don’t you have a top at home that looks just like that?” Here’s the thing, Mamas… go shopping with your girl. It’s not about the clothes. It’s about spending time together doing something she loves. 

20. Her self-esteem is fragile

She cares whether she fits in. She cares how she looks. She cares if she’s invited. She wants to be accepted. She wants that guy she’s crushing on to notice her. And, she really worries about that pimple on her face that showed up out of nowhere. She may act all cool and pretend stuff doesn’t bother her, but it does. 

21. She wants you to trust her

She knows she’s messed up a time or two. But she doesn’t want you to hold that over her head. She’s trying… she really is. 

22. She wishes you did more things together as a family

It seems like every weekend the family goes in different directions. Between keeping up with the house and errands and grocery shopping, you’re always busy. And, pile on sports and other stuff and she doesn’t get that family time she craves. (Even if it’s once a month, plan something fun as a family – whether it’s a trip to the lake for the day, a hike, going out to lunch or just having a fun movie night – your girl needs that.)

23. She loves it when you treat her friends like family

Right now, her friends are her world. So when you let her invite her friends over and treat them like one of your own, little do you know you’re bonding with your girl, too. So, buy a few extra snacks and drinks next time you’re at the grocery store and casually say to your girl, “Why don’t you invite a few of your girlfriends over for a sleepover this weekend?” She needs that “girl time” with her besties.

24. She doesn’t want to talk about it ’til it’s late and you’re ready for bed

She won’t talk much at 8 am, 11 am, 3 pm, or 6 pm, but around 10 or 11 o’clock at night, she’s ready to open up. She knows you’re tired. She knows you have to get up early the next day. But this is her time to share her world with you so she comes bouncin’ in your room just about the time you’re ready to fall asleep. (Embrace it, parents… these are the best conversations!)

25. She needs you…  A LOT

She really DOES need you. And, she needs to know you’ve got her back. She may act indifferent at times. Heck, she may even act like she doesn’t like you, at times. But there’s a lot going on in her life right now and the future scares her. She feels like she knows a lot (maybe more than you do about some things), but she also (deep in her heart) knows she has a ton to learn. Stick close to your girl and be her wingman in life… she needs your support, guidance, and unconditional love now perhaps more than ever. 

Oh, parents… there are so many thoughts and feelings swirling around in your daughter’s head. She may not share it ALL with you, but she’ll share A LOT if you let her.

Be her rock, be her sounding board, be her safe place to land when life gets hard confusing, or painful. You matter in her life so much more than you realize. 

If you enjoyed reading,  “25 Things Your Teen Daughter Isn’t Telling You,” here are a few other posts you might like!

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