This Post: 25 Questions Your Teen Secretly Wishes You’d Ask
Written By: Nancy Reynolds
When you’re in the thick of raising your teen, deep in the daily grind of school, homework, practices, activities, and driving them to Timbukto and back, it’s easy to slip into the habit of asking them the same questions every day:
“Did you finish your homework?”
“What time do you have to be at practice?”
“When is your project due?”
“Did you clean your room and pick up your wet towels on the bathroom floor?”
Having had countless conversations with teenagers, I’m here to tell you that most teenagers are longing for deeper conversation. They want us to know them, not simply manage them. The truth is, when we take the time to ask the right questions, the kind that go beyond grades and chores, we open the door to their hearts, and that’s where real connection with our teens lies.
25 Questions Your Teen Secretly Wishes You’d Ask
So, when you’re hanging out in the kitchen, running a quick errand together in the car, or taking a walk around the block after dinner, toss a few of these questions your teen’s way. Their honest answers might just surprise and enlighten you.
Here are 25 questions your teenager secretly wishes you’d ask – because they want to share what’s in their heart, they want to feel close to you, and they want to feel seen, understood, and loved for who they are.
1. “What’s one thing you wish adults (and me) understood about teenagers today?”
Your teen is growing up in a world that can be hard to relate to. Let them open up so you can view life through their lens.
2. “If you could change one rule in our house, what would it be?”
Get curious about your teen’s perspective on your rules. Who knows? If they make a strong enough case, maybe you’ll reconsider one.
3. “Is there something you wish we did together more, either as a family or just you and me?”
Maybe they want to hang out more, plan a trip to the beach, eat dinner together, or go on more family adventures. Until you ask, you’ll never know what makes your teen feel connected to you and your family.
4. “Is there anything in your life that feels like you’re carrying it alone?”
School, homework, friendships, teachers, chores, pressure – whatever it is, let your teen know they’re not alone and you’re right beside them, ready to carry the heavy weight of what’s burdening them together.
5. “Is there anyone in your life who brings out the best in you? Who is it and why?”
Dive into their world and get to know who brings out your teen’s authentic self. The one they feel comfortable laughing with, sharing their inner thoughts with, and being “raw” in their emotions. If they don’t have that “someone” in their life, strive to become that person.
6. “What’s one thing I do as your {Mom or Dad} that makes you feel loved?”
Because whatever that is – making them their favorite snack, listening to them talk, share, and vent at 11 pm when you’re exhausted, or just taking the pressure off by doing their laundry or running an errand for them, that’s your cue to do more of it.
7. “Do you ever feel pressured to be perfect or worry that I won’t be proud if you’re not?”
Expectations can feel awfully heavy for your teenager. Let them know that you love them beyond the grades, GPA, or points on a scoreboard. They’re loved exactly for who they are… not their performance.
8. “What do you hope your life looks like 5 years from now?”
What does your teen think about late at night? Do they have any long-term goals or dreams? How do they envision their life a few years from now? And, if they haven’t considered it, perhaps it will get them thinking about what steps they need to take to get them there.
9. “What’s the best compliment someone’s ever given you?”
Because whatever compliment made your teen’s self-esteem soar or made them feel truly seen is something you should attempt to say more often.
10. “What’s something small that always seems to make your day better?”
Sometimes, it’s the tiniest things that bring joy to our kids’ lives. If we know what they are, we can bring more happiness to their lives!
11. “If you had to give me parenting advice, what would it be?”
Your teen has a front row seat to your parenting. This is your chance to listen… their feedback might just surprise you.
12. “Who do you feel most comfortable talking to when life gets hard?”
You hope it’s you, but maybe it’s a sibling, a friend, or even a coach or teacher. Knowing who helps them carry the big stuff in life is a window into their world.
13. “If you could plan the perfect weekend, what would it look like?”
Short of packing up and traveling clear across the globe on an adventure, if your teen’s “perfect weekend” is doable, surprise them by making it happen.
14. “What music are you really into lately?”
What your teen listens to can tell you a lot about how they’re feeling and what brings them comfort. Listen to the lyrics… sometimes they’re very revealing. Then, listen to their music in the car when you’re together.
15. “Do you feel like I listen enough, or do you need me to do better?”
Even if it stings to hear it, parents, listen to what your teen has to say. You may think you’re a great listener, but your teen may feel differently. There’s always room for improvement. We’re not perfect.
16. “What’s your favorite memory we’ve had together?”
It’s wonderful knowing what fond memories have stuck with your teen! Knowing what matters to them makes it easy to make more memories just like them.
17. “Is anything stressing you out in your life that I might not see?”
Let your child know they don’t have to carry it alone. You want to be their safe place to land… make sure they know they can come to you no matter what.
18. “What do you wish I said to you more often?”
Maybe it’s “I love you,” maybe it’s “I understand,” or maybe it’s “I’m with you every step of the way.” Whatever those words are, let your teen be your guide and say them more often.
19. ‘What makes you feel most loved? Hugs, words, time together, or something else?”
The goal is to find out your teen’s love language. If you know that your teen feels most loved when you offer words of encouragement, or perhaps when you do small acts of love for them, like picking up the slack with their chores or perhaps spending quality time together, you can do more of it and fill your teen’s “love bucket” to the brim.
20. “What’s one risk you’d take if you didn’t have the fear of failure holding you back?”
Big or small, bring your teen’s dream out into the open, help them pull back the layers of fear, and go for it!
21. “What’s something you’ve learned about yourself this year?”
Maybe they found out they’re more capable than they imagined. Or maybe they realized what an awesome friend they are. Sometimes, the biggest (and more important) lessons aren’t from school; they’re more about figuring out who they are.
22. “What’s the hardest part about being your age right now?”
Every age and stage of growing up has its share of challenges, but what’s difficult for your teen right now? The more you understand what your teen is thinking and feeling, the more you can be there for them when they need you most.
23. “If you could describe yourself in three words, what words would you choose?”
We see our kids one way, but oftentimes, they don’t view themselves the same way. Get a glimpse into how they see themselves, and if it happens to be negative, work to shift that perspective.
24. “Where do you feel you need more freedom in your life and why?”
We want to give our kids age-appropriate freedom, but sometimes, what we view as “age-appropriate” and what they view as “age-appropriate” don’t align. Hear it from them… what area or areas of their life do they wish they had more freedom in? If it makes sense and you feel they’re mature enough to handle it, loosen your grip.
25. “Do you know how proud I am of you? Do you need me to tell you more often?”
Because they don’t just need you to think it, they need you to say it. They need to hear it over and over again to begin believing it.
If you enjoyed reading “25 Questions Your Teen Secretly Wishes You’d Ask,” here are a few other posts you might like!
101 Conversation Starters for Teens to Connect, Laugh and Get into Their Head