This Post: 13 Parenting Teens Shortcuts That Will Backfire In Time
Written By: Nancy Reynolds
As a mom of three, I’ve taken a few more “shortcuts” with my kids than I care to admit. Am I proud of it? Heck no! But there were times I felt like I was in sheer survival mode, and taking the path of least resistance was ALL too tempting.
Why? Because parenting teenagers can be exhausting.
Sometimes, you’re just so tired of reminding 27 times, negotiating with someone who seems destined to be a lawyer, arguing over ridiculously stupid things, explaining over and over again, AND wondering if anything you’re saying is actually getting through. I mean, sometimes, you just want the chores done, the room cleaned, the argument over, and a little peace in the house.
So, when an easier way presents itself — when you can quietly do it yourself, say yes (when you know you should say no), fix the problem, or cave in on the consequence — it’s incredibly tempting to take it.
The problem is, the easy road might solve today’s problem. But it doesn’t prepare our kids for tomorrow.
13 Parenting Shortcuts That Will Backfire In Time
Here are 13 parenting shortcuts that may make life easier now, but can quietly backfire over time.
1. Doing It Yourself Because It’s Faster
You ask your teen to unload the dishwasher. An hour later, half the dishes are still sitting on the counter, and the other half are in all the wrong cabinets and drawers. Instead of calling your teen back and having them finish it right, you do it yourself. Understandable? Absolutely. Helpful in the long run? Not necessarily.
I know it’s tempting, but every time we take over because our teen isn’t doing something “our” way, fast enough, or thorough enough, we miss a golden opportunity for them to become more responsible. We all do it sometimes, but making it a habit robs our teens of the chance to become more capable.
2. Rescuing Them From Every Consequence
They forgot their homework… again. They left their uniform at home. They didn’t study hard enough for a test. They missed the deadline on their history project. And suddenly, you’re emailing their teacher trying to get them out of a tight spot (you might even be bending the truth a bit).
Let me be the first to say, I’ve definitely rescued my kids at times. Honestly, we likely all have. But we have to remember that consequences are life’s most effective teachers. If we repeatedly swoop in, our teens might learn an unintended lesson: “Someone else will fix it when I mess up.” Instead, give them a chance to learn from the experience while the stakes are still relatively low.
3. Giving Them the Answer Instead of Making Them Figure It Out
Teen: “Hey, Mom, what should I do?”
Parent brain: “I have 48 years of life experience. Allow me to solve this problem in approximately 14 seconds.”
But sometimes the best response is: “What do YOU think you should do?”
Your teen needs practice thinking through problems. If we constantly solve all their problems, we’re not giving them a chance to develop the confidence they need to manage even bigger problems later.
4. Thinking, “They’ll Grow Out of It”
This is a BIG one. The attitude. The disrespect. The eye rolling. The excuses. The way they keep putting things off. And sometimes they do grow out of certain phases. But sometimes they don’t.
Instead of waiting for them to outgrow it, ask yourself, “Is this something they actually need to learn?” If it is, address it. Set the expectation. Hold the boundary. Our kids don’t need us to make every phase a big deal—but they do need us to notice when a phase is becoming a pattern
5. Saying “Yes” to Avoid the Argument
“Yes, I’ll drive you.”
“Yes, you can stay out a little later.”
“Okay, you can skip cleaning your room so you can hang out with your friends.”
Peace restored, right?
But little do we realize that we’re teaching them THIS lesson: “Persistence pays off when Mom and Dad are tired. If I push hard enough, I can get them to say yes.”
The boundaries that matter should remain boundaries, no matter how persistent your teen is.
6. Letting “Everyone Else Is Doing It” Make the Decision
“But Mom… everyone gets to stay out later.”
“Every other parent said yes!”
“Everyone has one but me!”
It’s one of the oldest teen arguments in the book. But parenting isn’t a popularity contest. Don’t get caught up in what “every other parent” is doing.
Your teen needs you to make solid, thoughtful decisions based on your family’s values, their maturity, and the situation at hand. Being the “only” parent who says no isn’t easy, but sometimes, it’s precisely what your teen needs.
7. Avoiding Difficult Conversations Because They Feel Awkward
Sex. Alcohol. Drugs. Vaping. Peer pressure. Relationships. Online behavior. Mental health. Consent. Failure. College. It’s so tempting to back off and think, “They’ll figure it out.” But I assure you, when you’re silent, someone else is filling in the blanks, and it may not be accurate or represent your values as a family.
You don’t need one heavy “talk.” Instead, strive for smaller conversations that happen naturally over time.
Remember: Awkward is temporary. Not knowing can have much bigger implications.
8. Making Excuses for Their Behavior
I’ve done it far too many times to count… They’re tired. They’re stressed. They’re hormonal. They’re overwhelmed. They’re just having a bad day. And sure, it might all be true. And that’s okay. We all have our moments, don’t we?
But just because our teen is having a crummy day or is in a crummy mood, it doesn’t give them the green light to treat us (or others) poorly. They need to learn to be held accountable for their words and actions. Having compassion for your teen while holding them accountable can and should coexist.
9. Checking Everything Instead of Teaching Them to Check Themselves
“Did you pack your soccer bag?” “Did you turn in your homework?” “Did you talk to your coach about Saturday’s practice?” “Did you remember you have an orthodontist appointment tomorrow?”
Here’s the thing: The problem isn’t reminding your teen occasionally (we ALL do); it’s becoming their personal assistant in charge of all their to-dos, deadlines, and calendar. If you back up a bit and LET THEM forget a thing or two, you might be surprised how quickly they start remembering.
10. Paying for Everything and Not Letting Them Work For It
For the longest time, I paid for everything for my kids. And why not? I’m their mom. But once they got older (and had part-time jobs), I realized that if my kids never have to think about what things cost, how can I expect them to develop sound financial judgment?
Of course, I covered all the essentials, but I let them pay for the expensive athletic shoes they wanted or the new hoodie that cost $80. They needed to learn to save for something they wanted and face disappointment when they realized they couldn’t afford something. Those lessons teach more than any lecture ever could.
11. Protecting Them From Disappointment
We hate seeing our kids hurting, don’t we, parents? So when they don’t make the team, don’t get invited, or don’t get accepted, we make excuses that we think will ease their pain. “They’re just jealous of you.” “The coach had his favorites.” “They don’t like you because you’re smart.”
These excuses won’t serve our kids well in the long run. They need to learn that not only is disappointment part of life and yes, it truly stinks, but they CAN survive it.
12. Letting Them Quit Whenever It Gets Hard
They’ve lost interest. They’re frustrated. They don’t like the coach. It’s not fun anymore. Or it’s just too hard. And honestly, letting them quit seems a whole lot easier than the agony of pushing them to finish. So… you let them off the hook.
Sometimes quitting is absolutely the right decision. But when we let them quit every time things get hard, we’re sending the message that: “If I don’t like doing something, I can just quit.”
Soon enough, life will put them in hard jobs, tough relationships, challenging classes, and situations that aren’t easy. They need to learn the difference between knowing when to walk away and walking away simply because something got hard.
13. Always Letting Them Choose the Easy Way Out
I’ve certainly been guilty of this from time to time. We let them skip the uncomfortable conversation. We let them take the easier class. We end up emailing the teacher or coach because “they simply don’t want to.” And, in the moment, we think we’re being compassionate and understanding.
But if we consistently help our kids avoid discomfort, they might start believing that hard situations are something to escape rather than something they can handle. I’ve found that the most loving thing we do is not necessarily making those hard things easier (although it’s okay from time to time!), but to help them become brave enough to face them head-on.
Parenting teenagers is full of moments when shortcuts are incredibly tempting. But if we make a habit out of making life easy for our kids, we’re removing something they desperately need:
PRACTICE.
Practice making decisions.
Practice solving problems.
Practice handling disappointment.
Practice taking responsibility.
Practice speaking up.
Practice trying again.
Because the goal of parenting isn’t to make sure our teenagers never struggle; it’s to make sure they can handle those struggles when we’re not there.
If you enjoyed reading “13 Parenting Shortcuts That Will Backfire In Time,” here are a few other posts you might like!
12 Simple Mistakes Most Parents Make When Talking with Their Teens
Raising Teenagers Will Push You to Your Limits: 12 Things Strong Parents Do to Get Through It
