This Post: 10 Things Teens Wish Their Parents Would Quit Making a Big Deal About
Written By: Nancy Reynolds
We have all good intentions, don’t we, parents? We worry, we care, and we want to prepare our kids for the real world. But sometimes, in our effort to be “good” parents, we turn the smallest thing into something far bigger than it needs to be.
A sigh suddenly becomes an attitude problem.
A messy bedroom turns into a full-blown lecture about responsibilities.
A closed bedroom door turns into a “something must be wrong” interrogation.
We read into our teens’ behavior and jump to conclusions, oftentimes without taking the time to understand what’s really going on behind the scenes. Sure, there are certainly times when our teens need correction, boundaries, and accountability; but not every little thing needs to become a big deal.
10 Things Teens Wish Their Parents Would Quit Making a Big Deal About
What if our teens could tell us exactly how they felt (respectfully, of course) without worrying about hurting our feelings, getting a lecture, or triggering an argument?
Having had countless conversations with teens about this very subject, here are a few things they might tell us to stop making such a big deal about… (and, no, they’re not asking us to stop parenting them; they’re just saying that sometimes, a little less pressure and a little more understanding would go a long way.)
1. Our Facial Expressions
I can walk into the kitchen totally preoccupied about the three assignments I have due tomorrow, and somehow my face becomes the biggest problem in the room.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Why are you so grumpy all the time?”
“Are you mad at someone?”
Mom, Dad, I’m not mad. I’m not upset. I’m literally just standing here. Sometimes, I’m just tired, or I’m thinking about something that happened at school today, or maybe I just don’t feel like smiling. I can’t walk around looking like I won the lottery every second of the day. And honestly, it’s exhausting when you keep asking what’s wrong when nothing is wrong.
I mean, yeah… sometimes, something really is bothering me, and I want you to notice. But don’t make every sigh, grunt, or my normal (okay… grumpy-looking) resting face turn into a whole conversation about my attitude.
2. When We Answer Questions With “I Don’t Know”
“What do you want for dinner?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you have plans Friday night?”
“I don’t know.”
I know it drives you nuts. I know you want answers. But sometimes, I just don’t have an answer, and sometimes I just don’t feel like answering.
I spent all day at school being “on,” answering questions, dealing with teachers and friends, and keeping up with schoolwork. When I get home, I really don’t want to answer ANY questions. I know you’re asking because you care, but when one question turns into 10 before I’ve even had a chance to take my shoes off, it can feel like a lot.
Just give me a little time and space. I’ll come around. I’ll tell you. I just need time to process things.
3. Wanting to Be Alone in Our Rooms
I know it’s frustrating, but it’s my little corner of the world. It’s not just my room; it’s where I chill out, text my friends, listen to music, and just exist without someone telling me what to do.
I know you worry, and if I spend too much time in my room, you should worry. I know you miss me. But most of the time I’m not intentionally avoiding you or being antisocial, and there’s nothing wrong; I’m just trying to figure a few things out on my own. Don’t take it personally. Just give me a little time alone… I’ll come to you when I’m ready. Usually when I’m hungry (I always do). Just don’t assume that my closed bedroom door means I don’t love you. I DO. I’m just growing up.
4. Not Telling You Everything
There was a time I told you everything. Remember? I’d come home from school and bend your ear about my teachers, the kid that passed out in the cafeteria, and why I hate math. But things are different now… I’m getting older, and I just don’t want to share every little detail of my life with you.
Don’t take it personally. I’m not on a mission to keep you in the dark. My life is moving fast, and sometimes, I just can’t remember everything that’s going on, or it just seems like too much effort to spill it all out for you. So… you get my one-word answers: “Meh,” “I dunno,” “Fine,” or “Good.”
The funny thing is, I’ll probably tell you everything later (like when you’re half asleep). Timing matters a whole lot more than you think.
5. Changing Our Minds
One minute I want to play basketball and the next I hate basketball, and I want to try out for the Lacrosse team. One minute I love those expensive protein bars you bought in bulk at Costco, and the next, I can’t stand them. And let’s not even talk about my future… I know I’m all over the place.
I’d be frustrated too, especially since you put money into the sport I played for six months or the name brand I loved for one season.
But here’s the thing: I’m still trying to figure out what I like, what I don’t, what matters to me, and what in the heck I want to do with my future. I don’t think I’m supposed to have it all figured out at my age. I’m gonna make decisions and change my mind. I’m gonna try things and realize they’re not for me. I’m gonna love something one month and hate it the next.
Just give me a little room to learn who I am without making every changed decision feel like a failure. Right now, I just need your patience, not more pressure to get it all right the first time.
6. Being Quiet in the Car
You know those car rides when I’m staring out the window, listening to music, or scrolling through my phone instead of talking? I can feel you wondering what’s wrong.
So, you start asking questions.
“Is everything okay?”
“Did something happen at school/practice/your job that you want to tell me?”
It’s all really annoying. Can’t I just sit in silence for a minute? Little do you know that if you just let me be, I’ll probably start talking. Let’s stop at Chick-fil-A or run through a Starbucks or pick up a smoothie somewhere. Just give me a little downtime. You might be surprised to see how much I open up when the pressure is finally off.
7. Our Messy Rooms
Okay, I’ll be the first to admit, my room can get MESSY. I throw my clothes on the floor, my closet is a total disaster, and I have a pile of empty water bottles on my nightstand that’s been there so long it’s basically part of the decor.
I get it. It bugs you. And I WILL clean it. I just can’t keep it clean all the time. So if nothing’s gross and the mess isn’t taking over the rest of the house, can’t I just let it get messy sometimes? It’s just not a priority in my life. Just give me a deadline to clean it, and I’ll get it done…eventually.
8. Not Being in the Mood for EVERY Family Activity
I like spending time with the family, but I guess I’m getting a little more selfish with my time. I want to have a say in when, what we do, and for how long. It’s not that I don’t love my family; I do. It’s just that I have friends I want to spend time with and places I want to go. And sometimes, I just don’t feel like spending time with the family.
My world is getting a little bigger, and my family’s place in it is getting a little smaller. I still want to hang out, watch a movie, grab dinner, and take part in all those silly traditions I secretly love, but honestly, it’s a lot easier to actually enjoy time together when it doesn’t come with a big guilt trip about how one day I’ll be grown, and I’ll miss this. (That gets really old.)
9. When We Have a Crummy Day
Guess what, Mom… sometimes I’ll have a really awful day. Maybe I got a crappy grade on a test I studied hard for. Maybe I didn’t get invited to a party. Maybe I got into a fight with my girlfriend or boyfriend. OR maybe my hormones are out of whack, and I’m just cranky. Can I puh-leeease have a bad day without getting a full-blown interrogation?
What I really need is to come home, grab a snack, put on my comfiest hoodie, and just chill in my room. What I don’t need? A 30-minute lecture about coping skills, resilience, and, oh… my favorite… how everything happens for a reason.
Believe it or not, just knowing you’re there without feeling pressured to talk makes me more likely to open up when I am ready.
10. Making One Mistake Feel Like the End of the World
I forgot to take out the garbage. I missed a deadline in one of my classes. I forgot to text you back. I made a bad decision. You might think you’re failing me, that maybe I’ll never learn to be an adult, or I’ll somehow ruin my life because I made one bad choice.
But you don’t give me enough credit… I WILL get there. For now, though, I don’t need every mistake I make to turn into a whole speech about how irresponsible I am and how I’m never going to make it in this world. I messed up… don’t slap a big “he’s a failure” label on my forehead.
Sure, hold me accountable, just don’t make me feel like a big failure when I’m still learning. It doesn’t teach me. It robs me of my confidence and puts a wedge between us.
One Last Thing We Want You to Know
Mom and Dad, I know being my parent isn’t easy. I know you worry about my safety, my friendships, my choices, and whether I’m going to be okay when I’m out in the real world.
But here’s something I wish you knew: I hear more than you think, and notice more than I say.
I notice when you listen instead of lecture. When you give me another chance when I’ve messed up. When you give me time to answer a question. And when you trust me… even just a little. I’m not asking you to stop setting boundaries, or to let me do whatever I want. I’m just asking you to remember that I’m still growing up. I won’t get everything right. In fact, I might get A LOT wrong.
Just keep loving me and help me get through this time… I might not always say it, but I need you.
I really do.
If you enjoyed reading “10 Things Teens Wish Their Parents Would Quit Making a Big Deal About,” here are a few other posts you might like!
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