This post: 9 powerful reasons why your teen’s moral character matters
Imagine if we had the comfort of knowing that during our teen’s most influential years they would do the right thing when faced with a tough decision or peer pressure.
Imagine knowing that they would hold their promise to clean their bedroom (just imagine) because they gave you their word or that they would stand up for a classmate who was being bullied because it was the right thing to do.
Doing the right thing, having perseverance, standing up for what’s right, being fair, honest, compassionate and showing genuine gratitude isn’t always easy – especially for teenagers who have a tendency to be self-absorbed (it’s really not their fault) and who haven’t quite mastered the art of viewing life through a mature, “for the good of all,” lens.
Having solid moral character – defined as having the disposition and aspiration to think, feel and behave in an ethical versus an unethical manner – doesn’t happen overnight.
It’s something we need to instill in our teens. Something we need to practice with our teens through example. Something we need to communicate, educate and reiterate with our kids. They need to hear it from us, learn it from us and practice it so they can begin to feel the difference when their moral character steps in.
The fact is, your teen’s moral character matters. It matters a lot.
When your teen slowly begins to develop a strong moral character, they’ll begin to reap the benefits that go far beyond being an ethical person or inherently knowing the difference between right and wrong.
Here are 9 Powerful Reasons Why Your Teen’s Moral Character Matters
Establishes a Solid Foundation
Moral character is the foundation of personal acceptance and growth, healthy relationships and success. Without it, our kids will have great difficulty achieving true peace of mind, making morally-driven decisions, building solid, long-lasting relationships or finding true success in their endeavors or career. If we can instill an “honor code” in our kids that fortifies moral character, we can send them into the world as competent, ethical and contributing members of society.
Instills the Mindset That it’s Not ALL About Them
Our kids need to learn that it’s not all about them, their needs or their wants. They need to learn that their words and actions impact the world around them, that in order to build lasting relationships and succeed they need to make a contribution and that they are part of something much bigger than their small world. Instilling moral character in our kids helps them reach the mindset that they hold the power to positively influence the outcome based on their words and behavior and that they can make a difference.
Keeps Them on the Right Path
Face it, our teenagers aren’t perfect. They’re still learning, making mistakes and figuring out right from wrong. Our kids will make mistakes, and they will disappoint us. (Mistake-based learning is actually a beneficial way of learning.) But, that doesn’t mean we can’t do our part to steer our kids clear of making poor decisions or venturing off onto a slippery slope.
By instilling moral character, we can help build a buffer between us and our kids that “speaks” to them when we’re not around.
“No, that’s not a good idea, I shouldn’t do that.”
“That’s cheating and it’s wrong.”
“I might put someone in danger, I better not.”
“Even though I don’t feel like it, I’m going to because I said I would.”
The moral character we instill in our kids becomes their inner voice. A quiet voice that keeps them on the right path whether we’re sitting in the same room with them or they’re 1,000 miles away at college.
Greater Self-Acceptance and Self-Esteem
There’s a certain peace of mind (and pride) that comes from saying and doing the right thing. When they put their moral character to the test, our kids can rid themselves of regret and emotional “baggage” and become far more comfortable and confident knowing that they’re a good person (or at the very least, trying their best).
No more lying, making up excuses or heavy guilt from not accepting responsibility for their actions or words, or making crummy decisions. Even if they mess up, they have the comfort of knowing that their intentions are honorable, and they’re giving it their all. And, with that comes far less anxiety and stress, and far greater acceptance and self-confidence.
They Become a Role Model to Others
We’d probably call them all-around great kids. Some kids, on the other hand, might call them “goody two shoes,” “rule followers” or “teacher’s pet.” But, be under no illusion, those naysayers and critics of the kids with moral character are watching.
They might be too cool to admit it, but deep down inside they respect the kids who fight to stay on track in a world that’s hell-bent on derailing them. When our kids demonstrate moral character, they inadvertently teach important life lessons to others and inspire them to re-evaluate and re-direct their own moral compass.
Stronger Friendships
Kids with moral character enjoy meaningful (and often long-lasting) relationships based on mutual respect, honesty and openness. They put forth the effort to do their best to be a good friend, return favors, maintain trust and stand beside them when life gets hard. Their heart is in the right place and their word is as good as gold, which makes others gravitate to them.
A “Can-Do” Attitude
Finding the strength, courage and determination to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and try again after a loss isn’t easy, but that’s one of the benefits of having strong moral character. When our kids have a solid moral foundation, they don’t waste time making excuses, complaining or blaming others for their problems or shortcomings, they know their words and actions hold the power to alter the outcome of anything they aspire to achieve, which empowers them with a positive, “I can do this, even if it’s hard” attitude.
Humility
Having moral character builds a layer of humility that allows our kids to keep their egos and self-absorbed interests in check. They have a stronger “for the good of all,” ideology and are willing to see past the typical teenage haze of synthetic realism. They don’t feel the need to make themselves larger than life on social media, they don’t feel the need to prove themselves to their friends or the world and they take their losses in stride knowing they’ve got the bandwidth to try again – next time with greater drive and enthusiasm.
Pride of Knowing They’re Living a Purpose-Driven Life
When our kids begin to feel the rewards of having moral character, they’ll begin to live a more purpose-driven life – a life they can be proud of. When they’re driven to do the right thing, treat others (and themselves) well and with respect, and to make a difference in the world around them through their actions and words, they’ll begin to have pride… and, pride is a powerful motivator.
Examples of Moral Character:
Acceptance: of ideas, others, opinions and practices
Compassion: feeling and showing concern, empathy, sympathy, understanding and kindness to others
Cooperation: willingness to help, assist, be part of a team and help others – even when receiving nothing in return
Courage: being brave in life, having valor and spirit even when it’s difficult
Equality: having the mindset that everyone is your equal, that no one is below you, treating everyone with respect
Fairness: being open-minded, reasonable, impartial and non-discriminatory
Generosity: willing to give of yourself, time or resources to help others
Gratitude: showing genuine gratitude and appreciation to others
Honesty/Integrity: being truthful, sincere, ethical and having values.
Kindness: being gentle, kind, sympathetic, considerate and thoughtful
Perseverance: having strong resolve to push through a task or difficult challenge even when it’s hard.
Politeness: being civil to others, courteous, respectful and well-mannered
Respect: holding a high opinion or admiration of others
Responsibility: being accountable for your words or actions
Self-Control: having self-discipline, strength and restraint
Tolerance: being accepting of others, ideas, opinions, being open-minded
Trustworthy: being dependable, truthful, honest and reliable
If you live your life as if everything is about you… You will be left with just that. You.
(author: unknown)