Things Teenagers Wish They Could Say to Their Parents

This post: Things teenagers wish they could say to their parents 

Teenagers are notorious for being tight-lipped. As much as we’d love for them to open up to us and share every nitty-gritty detail of what’s lurking in their minds, they’re good at keeping things to themselves.

But that doesn’t mean our kids don’t have plenty to say.

Given the opportunity, there are things teenagers wish they could say to their parents providing they had the safeguard of knowing that they wouldn’t get the wrath of their parents for saying what’s really on their mind. 

Getting your kids to open up is all about knowing what questions to ask.

One of the questions I’ve tossed out to my kids through the years is, “If there is one thing you could tell me (particularly about the way I parent) without the fear of me overreacting or getting upset, what would you want me to know?”

The answers I’ve received from my kids have been honest, raw and sometimes painful. But they’ve helped me recognize things I was doing and saying (or perhaps not doing or saying) without even realizing. More importantly, their answers have helped me to become a better parent and, ultimately, create a deeper, more meaningful bond with my kids. 

Here are 6 things teenagers wish they could say to their parents.

#1  Does Everything Have to Be a Life Lesson?

You see a story on the news about a child abduction and you end up turning it into a full-blown life lesson about what steps your child needs to take to avoid being abducted.

Your teen tells you about a kid in his school who’s been hospitalized due to a drug overdose and you immediately seize the opportunity to start drilling your teen about why he should never do drugs, why he shouldn’t hang around kids who do drugs, and why he should never go to parties where there might be drugs.

We have so many lessons we want to pass along to our kids – important lessons that are definitely worthy of passing along. But, timing is everything when it comes to teenagers.

If they can’t talk to us freely without us constantly teaching, drilling, reminding, or worse, nagging, what’s their motivation to talk to us at all?

As hard as it is, we need to lecture less and listen more. The time with our kids is fleeting. Use the time with them wisely to connect, laugh and make memories – not drill them on every “what if” scenario.

#2  Can’t You Just Admit When You’re Wrong?

One of the things teenagers struggle with is the feeling of always being wrong in the face of their parents who always act like they’re right.

But heads up, parents, we’re not always right. We don’t always have all the answers. And, we’ve all messed up a time or two (or more).

Rather than stoically standing on our pedestals of parental perfection, we need to face up to our shortcomings, let our teenagers see us as imperfect human beings and parents, and admit (or, better yet, apologize) when we’re wrong.

Next time, try admitting when you overreacted or apologizing for harping on your teen when they were undeserving. You’ll be doing your child and your relationship with them a huge favor.

#3  Can You Please Stop Being So Serious?

Sometimes we forget that deep down inside our teens are just little kids in big bodies. Given the freedom and opportunity, they’d die to have a little more carefree fun in their lives.

But life is serious. And, quite often as parents, we pile on a few extra pounds of “seriousness” without even realizing it.

If they knew they could say it without getting in trouble, nearly every teen I know (including my own, at times) would love to say to their parents, “Geez… I’m stressed out enough. I don’t need you adding to my stress. Can you please try being a little less serious?”

Add a little more laughter, carefree fun and downright silliness in your child’s life. Not only will a few stress-free hours do a world of good for your teen, it might also do you a world of good as well.

#4  How Come You Never Praise Me When I Do Something Right?

Have you ever looked at a field of dirt or a concrete parking lot and saw nothing but cracks? But, then, off in the distance, is a small flower pushing through the cracks, just waiting to be noticed by someone… anyone.

When you’re raising teenagers it’s all too easy to focus on the cracks in the pavement. But what we need to be doing is focusing on the good.

Instead of focusing on your child’s messy bedroom (a classic parent frustration), the wet towels they left on the bathroom floor or that they forgot to wear deodorant again, pay attention to the subtle positive changes in their behavior.

Praise them for showing true appreciation for something you did, that they helped you take groceries out of the car without asking or that they landed an “A” on a hard test. Our kids need to be noticed, they need to feel appreciated and they need to hear our praise to thrive. Constant negativity will only deflate their self-esteem, enthusiasm and motivation.

#5  Can I Be the Smart One for a Change, Please?

We have decades of life experience under our belt. We know things our teen couldn’t possibly know in their young life. We’ve felt the burdens and hardships of life and we can spot an “accident waiting to happen” a mile away. Bottom line, we’re pretty darn smart.

But just because we’re smart about life, doesn’t mean our kids are stupid. Our kids are far smarter than we often give them credit for. And, don’t forget, they’ve been watching us, learning from us and taking it all in (even if they don’t admit it).

The next time you get into a discussion with your teen, try giving them the floor. Let them be the smart one for a change. Let them weigh in on the subject with their own thoughts and perspectives. Let them teach you a thing or two.

Say things like, “Wow, you’re right!” “Really? I had no idea.” “How did you learn that?” “That’s amazing, you taught me something new!” They need to know we value their thoughts and opinions and they need to know we recognize them as smart, intuitive and bright.

#6  Don’t Dismiss My True Feelings for Moodiness

Your son walks into the kitchen in the morning grumpy and sassy and you immediately chalk it up to normal teenage moodiness. Your daughter tosses her backpack on the floor when she walks in the door after school, mutters something under her breath, goes into her bedroom and slams the door and you assume she’s in “one of her moods” and you move on with your day.

But quite often (not always, of course) our teen’s moods are directly linked to their feelings. Perhaps your son received a text that a girl he likes is now dating another guy. Perhaps your daughter found out her friends deliberately didn’t invite her somewhere on Friday night.

Yes, teens can be moody. But we shouldn’t dismiss their moods as normal teen angst without diving in a little deeper. We owe it to them to give them the benefit of the doubt. We owe it to them to listen to what’s in their heart. We owe it to them to not jump to conclusions. 

There are so many things teenagers wish they could say to their parents if they had the freedom and opportunity to share what’s really in their heart. We need to listen. We need to learn. And, it might just be that we need to change.

Other posts you may find interesting or helpful:

The Teenage Years: 10 Struggles Only a Teenager a Would Understand

8 Things Your Teenage Boy Desperately Needs You to Teach Him

Mentally Strong Teenagers Have Parents Who Refuse to Do These Things