10 Things “Chill” Moms of Teens Do Differently

Because no matter how hard you try, you can't control everything...

by Nancy Reynolds

This post: 10 Things “Chill” Moms of Teens Do Differently

Here’s a little secret… every mom is stressed out about something at least some of the time. (I know I certainly am.)

But, there are some moms who have the beautiful ability to take life with their teens in stride, who don’t overthink every situation, and who have a seemingly effortless way of riding the ups and downs of parenting their teens with a healthy dose of optimism, patience, and grace. You can’t help but truly admire mamas like this (and secretly wish you could be more like them).

If you’re wondering what “chill” moms have in common, I reached out to the chillest of the chill and found we could all learn a thing or two from them.

With a little self-reflection and a willingness to tweak our parenting, here’s how we can all learn to let go of some control, be more of the parent our kids need and maybe just let some things BE. Here are things chill moms of teens do differently.


10 Things “Chill” Moms of Teens Do Differently


They Keep a Sense of Humor About It All

Moms who’ve figured out the art of being “chill” (at least most of the time, anyway) know that finding the humor in everyday life with their teens is the key to keeping their sanity. They realize this phase of their kids’ development is another mile marker on their road to adulthood and that whatever challenges they might be facing now certainly won’t last forever.

They focus on the bright side of raising teens, they don’t react to every annoying thing their teen does (or doesn’t do), they look for ways to use humor to connect and, when the days are long and hard, they chalk it up to a crummy day, pour themselves a glass of wine, avoid overanalyzing it and move the h#ll on. 

They Realize Their Teen is a Work in Progress

When chatting with a good friend of mine the other day (whom I admire for her relaxed, “it’ll be okay” attitude), she confessed that her 17-year-old son was floundering in school and struggling with his direction in life. Then she said, “It’s hard right now, but he’ll get there… he just needs time to figure some things out.” 

Both a confession and concession, I loved how she showed faith in her son and acknowledged that he was, essentially, a work in progress. I mean, aren’t we all? She wasn’t getting riled up about it. She wasn’t putting heavy pressure on her son to figure it all out now. She was just gently guiding him, giving him the time he needed, and loving him through it all.  

They Schedule 1:1 Time with Their Kids

Blanket “group parenting” might work some of the time, but spending quality one-on-one time with your kids is money in the bank when it comes to building a strong relationship and fending off future behavioral issues. 

In fact, it can stave off resentment and rebellion, curb sibling rivalry and bring you and your teen closer.

Chill moms know this. They crave harmony in their life, so they work to build strong connections with their kids by carving out special time with each of them. Whether it’s taking a long drive, grabbing a quick Starbucks on a Saturday afternoon, playing a video game together, or hanging out in their bedroom catching up – they know that to a teenager, TIME = LOVE. And, the more loved they feel, the more peaceful life will be.

They Steer Clear of the Comparison Trap

When you have teenagers, it’s all too easy to get caught up in what every other kid is doing and how every other parent is parenting. But comparing triggers you to wonder if you’re getting this parenting gig right and worry whether your teen is on the right path.

Moms who are chill don’t focus on the highlight reels of everyone else’s teens and instead focus on their own teen’s strengths, goals, and unique path. Sure, their teen might be a little slower than some or be on a different path than most, but they pay little attention to that and offer the support, guidance and love their teen needs to reach their full potential. 

They Understand that Their Teen’s Brain and Body are Under Massive Construction

Chill moms have done their homework and they know that SO much of what their teen is going through – the crazy hormonal swings, the pushing of boundaries, the fact that they (sometimes) do dumb things or take risks they shouldn’t – is so often a result of their growing brains and bodies.

They do their best to take it all in stride, try extremely hard not to take their teen’s behavior personally, and know that in time, their teen will come back around. And, when they do, it’s going to be pretty freaking awesome. 

The View Their Relationship with Their Teen as a Partnership

Instead of swimming against the current and fighting those 10-foot waves solo, chill moms grab a big (sturdy) surfboard, ask their teen to jump on and they ride those tumultuous teen waves together.

They’ve realized, too, that a “my way or the highway” dictatorship doesn’t work with teens (in fact, it breeds resentment and rebellion) so instead they adopt a more “fluid” parenting style knowing that they have to compromise, change and adapt their parenting ways as their teen grows and matures. 

They Live in the Moment

Most moms of teens are living life in constant overdrive trying to juggle far too many things at once. But more relaxed moms make it a point to turn off distractions and put less important tasks on the back burner (they know they’ll be there when they get back) so they can focus on and relish in the things that will have the biggest positive impact in their life. 

They slow down, turn off their phone, and prioritize quality time with their kids like family dinners and vacations, and movie nights with big bowls of popcorn. They focus on what’s really important – connecting with their kids and making lasting memories.

They Have a Strong Support System

Good friends who are in the same lot in life. Supportive family members who have their teen’s best interest at heart. Coaches, teachers, counselors, pastors, and even online parents they’ve never met… moms who try hard to keep life in perspective seek out a strong support system to help them through the rough spots of parenting their teen.

They find solace in knowing they’re not alone. They’re not afraid to ask for advice or insight. They use the lessons learned by other parents as a roadmap. And, they harness all that information to fortify their relationship with their teen and make positive changes in their parenting. 

They Prioritize Their Own Happiness and Well-Being

Mamas love their babies… no matter how big they get. And, nothing matters more to us than our kids’ happiness and well-being.

But truly happy, chilled moms know that their happiness and emotional health impacts everything – from how they feel about themselves and the quality of their relationships with people they love to how they deal with and manage life’s ups and downs and their overall outlook and temperament. 

They do their best to eat healthily, exercise, and take guilt-free time to rest and relax. When they feel good and avoid (at least some of the time) putting everyone else’s needs, happiness, and well-being above their own, it keeps resentment at bay and puts them in a better position to show up as their best self for their kids. 

They Ask for Help When They Need It

Nothing can be harder than having to go it alone when you’re struggling with your teen. Smart mamas who fight for peace in their life don’t wait until the volcano erupts and their stress is off the charts. They look for warning signs and reach out for help before things get out of hand. They talk to their teen about the issues they’re facing, craft a plan together and seek the professional help they need. (They’re also strong enough to keep moving forward even IF their teen isn’t on board.)

It’s not always easy, I know. But one big “chill pill” might be all we need to de-stress, put life in perspective, and improve our relationship with our teens. 

If you enjoyed reading, “Things More “Chill” Moms of Teens Have in Common,” check out these other posts you might like:

10 Things Teenagers Love (Even If They Don’t Admit It)

What Teenagers Really Need From Their Parents

The Four Cs of Parenting: The Key to Raising a Strong, Capable Teenager

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