This Post: Dear Teens, If You Want Your Parents to Trust You, Here Are 10 Things You Should Do
Written By: The Raising Teens Today Community
Trust is a big word. It’s something that takes time to build but can be lost in a moment.
When my 16-year-old daughter told me she was going to a close friend’s house for a sleepover (something she’d done numerous times before), I trusted her.
My daughter never gave me any reason not to trust her… until later that week when the mom of my daughter’s friend called to apologize. She confessed that she, too, trusted the girls, but that she found out they had snuck out late at night to hang with a few boys in the neighborhood.
In the blink of an eye, the trust my daughter had built with me was lost.
Dear Teens, If You Want Your Parents to Trust You, Here Are 10 Things You Should Do
Months following the incident, I found myself asking detailed questions, following up on her, and reminding her about the consequences of lying to me and breaking my rules. For her, it was a brutal crawl to gain back the freedom and trust I once so willingly offered.
When you’re a teenager, trust is crucial if you want more freedom, responsibility, and a whole lot less hovering and cross-checking your every move from your parents.
But how do you actually earn that trust?
Listen, teens, we know you’re young. We know you’re learning and have a lot of growing up to do so you can’t and won’t be responsible and trustworthy every moment of every day. But if you at least try to do a few of these things, your parents will be far more likely to trust you.
So teens, to earn your parents’ trust, here are 10 things you should start doing today:
1. Answer Your Phone
Heads up, teens, your parents worry about you! It’s a fact of life. One of the biggest reasons for mistrust is a lack of communication. So teens, if you want your parents to trust you, answer your phone. A quick “I’m fine” or “I’m at Dillon’s house, don’t worry” can go a long way in easing their worry. Don’t make them feel like they have to hire a private investigator just to track you down.
Also, if they text you, text them back as soon as possible. When your parents know they can count on you to keep them in the loop, they’ll be more willing to offer you more freedom.
2. Be Honest, Even About the Small Stuff
If you lied about whether you finished your homework, your parents are going to wonder, “Hmm… what else could he/she be keeping from me?” When you lie, even about the small things, it chips away at your parents’ ability to trust you which will trigger them to hover over you and question you, which only makes matters worse.
Be truthful, even when it’s not easy. Even if you made a mistake, or you think the truth might get you in trouble, it’s better to be upfront about it. Trust me, your parents may not love hearing the truth, but they’ll respect your honesty.
3. Follow Through with Your Promises
“Mom, I’ll be home by 10:00 pm.”
“I promise I’ll do my chores later today.”
“I’ll clean my room by Saturday… promise!”
Want more trust? Start following through with your promises. Start doing your chores without having to be reminded 10 times. Surprise them by actually cleaning your room when you said you would.
When you tell your parents you’ll do something, whether it’s cleaning your room, helping with the yard work on the weekend, or finishing your homework, do it. Following through on your promises shows responsibility and reliability.
4. Stick to Your Curfew
I know… it’s one of those annoying things about being a teenager – curfew. But guess what? It’s one of the main ways your parents gauge your responsibility. If you can’t respect your parents enough to be home when you say you’re going to be home (within reason, of course… things do happen), then how can you expect them to trust you in other areas of your life?
5. Communicate Your Plans
Leave a note on the counter, shoot them a text, or call them – just let them know where you are, where you’re headed, and what time you think you’ll be home.
Remember we said how your parents worry? Well, the more reasons you give them to worry, the higher the chance they’ll tighten the ropes on your freedom and hold back on fully trusting you.
6. Take Responsibility for Your Actions
Did you fail your big test because you blew off studying? Is the big dent in the side of the car your fault? Did you cave into peer pressure and vape, skip class, or cheat on a test? Don’t make excuses or try to deflect the blame onto someone else. Own up to it!
Let’s be real… everyone messes up at times. It’s OKAY to mess up, just be honest about it. When you do, your parents will be more likely to forgive you and move on.
7. Show Initiative
Instead of waiting for your mom to remind you (again and again) to pick up your dirty clothes on your bedroom floor, take initiative and do it before she asks. (Just WAIT until you see her reaction!) Whether it’s doing your homework, helping your sister or brother with their homework, or pitching in around the house, taking action without being asked shows your parents that you’re responsible, reliable, and mature.
It also shows you’re willing to contribute to the household, and that you’re thinking of others and not simply focused on yourself and your needs – all of which goes a long way in earning your parents’ trust.
8. Drive Safely (and Don’t Push the Limits)
You may not realize it, but one of your parent’s biggest worries is your safety when you’re driving.
So, teens, ease their worries… no speeding, no texting, and definitely no trying to impress friends with risky moves. If you want the car keys, show them that you can handle the responsibility.
Also, if your parents extend your curfew by 30 minutes, don’t push the limit and come home an hour late just because you can. If you show your parents you can manage the freedom they’ve given you without taking advantage you’ll be earning their trust.
9. Try Your Best in School
No one expects you to be perfect. School is HARD. Much harder and more demanding than it was when we were your age. But keep in mind that your grades are a reflection of your effort and responsibility. If your parents see you trying … really trying (even if you land a B or a C in a class), they’ll be more inclined to trust you in other areas of your life. What that means is simply, DO YOUR BEST.
10. Make Good Choices with Friends
Who you hang out with matters. If your friends have a reputation for making bad choices, your parents might worry that you’ll cave into peer pressure and get dragged into trouble, too.
Show your parents that you’re capable of making good decisions by surrounding yourself with friends who are trustworthy and responsible. Bottom line, don’t do dumb stuff.
Parents: Trust is a Two-Way Street
As important as it is for your teen to gain YOUR trust, they have to trust YOU, as well.
You can achieve that by being your teen’s safe space so they know they can come to you no matter what, being an intentional and compassionate listener, regulating your emotions so you’re not always flying off the handle, and being a trustworthy parent yourself.
Trust isn’t something you can demand; it must be earned. It’s something our teens AND we have to earn through actions and decisions. The more responsible, honest, and reliable our kids and we are, the more confident we become in trusting each other with the things that matter. Building trust takes time, but the payoff is worth it – mainly, a much stronger relationship between our children and us.
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