This Post: Want Your Teen to Enjoy Being Around You? Start With These 10 Things

Written By: Nancy Reynolds

When was the last time your teen asked you to hang out? Not because they needed a ride to their friend’s house, wanted a few bucks for food, or needed you to sign off on a school form. I’m talking genuinely wanted to spend time with you? 

Maybe they asked you to go to the mall with them. Maybe they plopped in your bed at 10:30 at night to tell you about something funny that happened at school that day, or maybe they asked, “Hey, there’s this new Netflix series… wanna watch it together?”

If those moments happen in your house, consider yourself lucky! If not, well… you’re certainly not alone.

Want Your Teen to Actually Enjoy Being Around You? Start With These 10 Things

When our kids become teens, our relationship shifts big time. Our sweet child who once followed us room to room now spends far too much time behind a closed door. And those days when our “little buddies” wanted to go everywhere with us? Well, getting them to willingly spend time with us can feel like pulling teeth.

But here’s something we need to remember: Our kids might be craving more independence, but they still want and need us, just in quieter ways. And make no mistake, they’ll never stop wanting a parent they genuinely enjoy being around. 

Of course, we can’t put the hammer down and force our kids to enjoy our company, but there are a few things we can do to make being around us a whole lot more enjoyable. Here are 10 places to start!

1. Look for the FUN in Parenting Your Teen

Try not to let the responsibilities of parenting your teen crowd out the fun. Look for the lightheartedness, find a reason to laugh, and stop being so stinking serious. 

It’s okay to remind, correct, and keep your teen on track, but that’s not where real connection is built. It’s built in the everyday moments when you laugh at silly TikTok videos, grab a coffee, run through a drive-thru together, hunker down and watch a movie together, and just hang out. In fact, the best thing you can do for your relationship is to simply have fun together.

Because when life gets tough, when tension runs high, when your teen gets frustrated because you said “No” to them driving downtown with friends at midnight on a Saturday night, they’ll fall back on your relationship, the memories you shared, the respect they have for you, and the value they place on the relationship. 

2. Learn to Laugh at Yourself, Too

Our kids surely aren’t perfect… they’re a work in progress. But sometimes we forget we’re not perfect either! 

Looking for your glasses when they’re on your head? Forgot to set the timer on the roast in the oven and now it’s fried? Made a ridiculous mistake that makes your teen roll their eyes? Laugh it off! I promise you this: Teens love it when their parents don’t take themselves too seriously. They genuinely want to see the human side of you, not just the authority figure who tosses out rules. 

3. Let Them Know You Truly Enjoy Them

Your teenager knows you love them… but do they know how much you love being around them? Because there’s a difference. 

Set aside (for a moment, anyway) the teen who misses curfew sometimes, who forgets to turn in homework assignments, and who seems perfectly okay with throwing every piece of clothing they own on their bedroom floor. There’s a time to “correct” them on all that and a time to let them know how funny they are, how kind they are, and a time when you look them in the eye and say, “You know… I  really love hanging out with you.” 

Ask them to go places with you (even if it’s a 20-minute errand), smile and say, “Hey babe, how are ya?” when they walk in a room, make plans to spend time together – whether it’s an afternoon at the mall, a weekend getaway, or getting a date on the calendar to try out that new Mexican restaurant in town. 

4. Show Interest in Their World (Even If You Don’t Get It)

Your son might spend hours playing a video game he loves. Your daughter might spend endless nights looking up makeup tutorials on YouTube. Or your teen might love music you really can’t stand. That’s okay. You don’t have to love everything they love to stay connected. 

You just have to show up with genuine curiosity. Play the video game with your son occasionally (even if you totally stink at it), or sit beside your daughter when she finds a YouTube video she loves. Ask them about their friends, what shows they’re watching, and why they love that song they’re playing on repeat. Making an effort to understand what they love can make your teen feel closer to you. 

5. Stop Making Every Conversation About What They Need to Do

“Did you finish your homework?”

“Did you clean your room?”

“Have you taken the trash out?”

Somehow, we think we’re failing as parents if we don’t keep our teens on track every moment of the day. But put yourself in their shoes. Would you want to be around someone who constantly asked you:

“Did you go grocery shopping?”

“Did you finish the laundry?” 

“Did you clean your bathroom? It’s a mess!”

I mean, sure, our kids are kids, and they need reminding, but if this is all they hear, it’s easy to understand why they might start avoiding you. Let some interactions be about absolutely nothing important. Your relationship needs room to breathe outside the daily checklist.

6. Give Them Space Without Making Them Feel Guilty

This is a BIG one, parents. Your teen needs downtime, privacy, and space to just “be.” And when they crave that space… respect it. 

If your teen occasionally wants to spend an afternoon in their room or chooses to hang out with friends instead of joining the family, let it go and try not to take it personally.  The more your teen feels that you respect their independence, the more comfortable they’ll be choosing to spend time with you.

7. Don’t Turn Every Conversation into a Life Lesson or Lecture

One minute your teen is confiding in you that their friend is drinking, and the next you’re off and running, giving them a full-blown lecture about the perils of drinking. 

We all want to seize those opportunities, don’t we, parents? I’m certainly guilty of it! But from our teens’ perspective, it’s exhausting. Instead, listen. There will be plenty of opportunities to offer guidance. But when your teen learns that they can talk to you without automatically having everything turn into a boring teaching moment, they’ll be far more likely to keep talking.

8. Every Now and Then, Ask Them: “Am I Being the Parent You Need?”

This might get a little pushback from some parents: “Why would I ask my teen that? I’M the PARENT, they’re the CHILD.” But hear me out…

Your teen is growing up. And with each passing day, they’re viewing you less as the once-perfect parent they thought you were and more as a person. When they get older, you need to view your relationship as a partnership, not a dictatorship, which means giving your teen a chance to weigh in on how they feel the relationship is going… what’s working AND what’s not. 

You might hear, “Mom… you nag a little too much,” or “I really hate it when you overreact,” or “Why do you always talk about my grades and GPA? I feel like that’s all you care about?” 

Pure gold, right there. 

Because here’s the truth: Your teen needs to know their voice matters, their feelings count, and that you’re never too proud to do better as a parent. (Because there’s always room for improvement.) That’s how you build a relationship with staying power.

9. Remind Yourself DAILY: “My Teen is a Work in Progress”

Your teen is dealing with a lot of pressure – school, friends, expectations, and figuring out who they are. The LAST thing they need is you reminding them of how they’re falling short. One parent said to me, “My teen isn’t fully cooked yet… my job is to help them adjust the burner so they can learn slowly without burning them out.”

Wow… powerful analogy right there! 

Notice their efforts. Acknowledge their accomplishments, even the small ones. Compliment their kindness, their sense of humor, or the way they handled friend drama. Let them hear ALL the ways you appreciate them just as often (if not more) than what you want to see them improve upon.

10. Make Time for the Little Moments

Some of the best opportunities to connect with your teen happen in the most ordinary places: grabbing food at a drive-thru, running errands, making a late-night snack, or chatting while they’re getting ready to head out.

Don’t underestimate those moments.

It might be 15 minutes for you, but those 15 minutes can be carried in your teen’s heart for days. And when they need a little “refueling,” they’ll be back. Just keep those doors open. 

Your teenager isn’t expecting you to be endlessly entertaining, agree with everything they say, or let them do whatever they want.

They need you to be their parent. But they also need a parent who knows how to relax, laugh, listen, apologize, and enjoy the person standing in front of them. And perhaps most importantly, someone who makes them feel good about themselves when they are together.

Make sure the time you spend with your teen reminds them they’re loved, accepted, respected, and genuinely enjoyed. That’s how you build a relationship your teenager will want to carry with them long after the teenage years are behind them.

If you enjoyed reading “Want Your Teen to Actually Enjoy Being Around You? Start With These 10 Things,” here are a few other posts you might like!

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