This post: 5 Reminders for Parents as the College Process Begins
Written by: Melissa Pyrch
For some kids, the college process is finally over. They pushed through the application process, made their final decision on which college to attend and paid the deposit. For others, the process is just beginning…
If you’re the parent of a soon-to-be high school senior, it might be surreal that your child is about to embark on one of the biggest transitions of their lives. In fact, it might feel like you just took that kindergarten picture in front of a bright yellow school bus and tearfully sent your baby off to school with a new backpack and a homemade lunch for the very first time.
Yet, here you are thinking about high school graduation next fall and helping your child prepare for the next phase of their life – college.
This can be such an exciting and scary time for you and your teen. It can also be a time when tension is high – especially considering how many important decisions need to be made.
To keep things on a positive and even keel, here are five reminders for parents as the college process begins to help you play a positive role in your child’s life and make the college process not only smooth, but memorable.
5 Reminders for Parents as the College Process Begins
#1 Support, Don’t Smother
Facing the stress of post-high school plans and applying to colleges can be stressful, (both for our kids and us). With so many important decisions to be made and, soon enough, so many critical deadlines to be met, it’s easy for us to become less of a support to our kids and more of a nag
Remember, there’s a good chance your child is getting reminders in their inbox on a daily basis. Instead of being another point of pressure and pushing worry and fear onto your high school senior, focus on being the steadfast support they need. Try gently asking if there is anything they need or if they can use your help. Sometimes, just your physical presence or comforting words is all they really need.
#2 Focus on the Wins
There are so many checkpoints during the college process that are worth celebrating. College visits, narrowing down the selection of colleges your teen will apply to and the excitement of buying everything they need to set up their new home away from home – their dorm. There is also the huge sigh of relief when they’ve finally completed their college essay (a big stress point for college-bound kids) and the weight that’s lifted off of them when they submit the final application(s) after months of planning and preparation.
Throughout the process, try to focus on the “wins.” Take it day by day and lean into the positives. Soon enough, your son or daughter will be venturing off on their college journey. Don’t waste this precious time wrapped up in stress or frustration.
#3 Leave Your Ego Out of It
It’s tempting to want our kids to follow in our footsteps. We might even want our kids to attend the same college we did or pursue the same major we did. But heads up, parents, the college process is a personal journey. What’s right for one child may not be right for another. And, what was right for us, may not be in the best interest of our kids.
This is a time for you to take a deep breath and step back a bit. The most important goal should be that your child chooses a college that meets their individual needs and wants, and pursues a post-high school education that serves their unique career goals. Ultimately, every parent wants their child to be happy, both in their decision of which college to attend and their future career path. This is a time to put your ego on the back burner and help your child assess their true passion, help them weigh the options, and be a strong support as they decide which path is best suited for them.
#4 Remember, The Days are Fleeting
We’ve all heard the saying, the days are long, but the years are short. Well, it couldn’t be truer, especially when it comes to your child’s senior year of high school. The year, which seems to fly by at rocket speed, is brimming with excitement, many special moments and, (I think most parents of high school seniors will agree), plenty of stress, and far too many big decisions to count.
Soak it all in, even if your senior does come down with a case of senioritis, (which, by the way, is fairly normal). Stop and look around. Make time for gratitude as you watch your now, not so little, child transition into a high school graduate who’s preparing for the next big milestone in their life.
Try not to trudge through this special time simply by checking “must-dos” off your list. Instead, relish the time with your child on college visits. Enjoy the shopping excursions to prepare them for dorm life. Sure, the college process can be stressful (and bittersweet for many parents), but it also offers so many fleeting moments to connect with and truly enjoy the special person you’ve poured your heart and soul into for nearly two decades.
#5 This is Their Time
Choosing which college to attend and choosing a major (should your child decide to) is not like choosing what to eat for dinner. These are important decisions that will impact your child’s life for the next four years and quite possibly, their life. While it’s always important to help guide your child – especially when it comes to major decisions in life – it’s also important to recognize the fact that these are, ultimately, decisions your child needs to take ownership of.
If your child is like a lot of soon-to-be college kids, they’ll seek input, approval and validation from those they love – friends, siblings, teachers, and, most of all, parents. Although it’s fine to take the opinions of others into consideration, encourage your child to take the lead and make their own decision. Support them. Guide them. Love them unconditionally. But, give them the freedom to blaze their own trail.
Take a good look at that kindergarten picture. That sweet, timid little five-year-old is now ready to take on the world. Before you know it, you’ll be clicking that graduation picture! Buckle up and enjoy the ride. You’re almost there!
About Melissa Pyrch:
Melissa has been teaching English and public speaking in New York for more than 20 years. She is currently working on a self-help book for teens titled, Beyond the Bell: Lessons High School Failed to Teach. You can follow Melissa’s journey to publication on Instagram@pyrchgetspublished or on her website www.melissapyrch.com