This Post: The Moment It Hits You: We’re Friends Now

Written By: Nancy Reynolds

It’s never planned or announced; it just kind of sneaks up on you. 

Maybe it’s when you’re driving in the car together. Maybe it’s when you’re sitting at Starbucks on a Saturday afternoon, enjoying lattes. Or maybe it’s when you’re hanging out in the kitchen, making a snack, and sharing about your day. 

Suddenly, you realize that your conversations sound less one-sided. You’re not constantly tossing out parental advice, nagging them about cleaning their room, or offering long-winded lectures. Instead, your conversations sound more like two equal adults sharing life… and it’s a wonderful transition.

The Moment It Hits You: We’re Friends Now

For me, it happened on an ordinary Friday evening…

My 21-year-old daughter and I were snuggled up on the couch, drinking a cup of tea, wrapped in warm blankets. She was telling me about college life, sharing a few hilarious stories that almost made me spit my tea out, and how it felt knowing she would be graduating soon and entering the “real world.”

As I sat there listening, nodding and laughing, I waited patiently for the moment when I’d have to shift into my typical “mom mode”… but that moment never came. She didn’t need my advice (at least at that moment), she didn’t need me to map out her “next steps,” tell her what to do, or lecture her about something (I felt) she was doing wrong. 

She just needed me to listen. 

And that’s when I realized, we weren’t in a parent-child moment; we were in a friendship moment. Not the kind built on rules and boundaries, curfews and mom lessons, but on respect, trust, a beautiful history, and so many shared memories. The kind where you see who your child was (because you were there every step of the way), but also the amazing, kind-hearted, capable adult they’re becoming. 

The Long Road to Get Here

I heard other parents talk about it. I prayed the day would come when I, too, would experience the beauty of my relationship with my daughter evolving into a friendship. I have to admit, though, I had my doubts…

The eye rolls, the heavy sighs, the slammed doors, the “You don’t understand me!” and the battles of the wills we endured – I can’t say with certainty that my relationship with my daughter was any more turbulent than other mom-daughter relationships I knew. But when you’re deep in the throes of raising young tweens and teens, it sure feels heavy and dramatic. It’s easy to believe you’re the only one going through it. In those tumultuous moments, you find yourself wondering if you’ll ever be friends with your child. But then, somehow you do… 

I guess I earned the amazing privilege by doing more things right than wrong – by standing strong when it would’ve been easier to cave, by loving her hard, even on her worst days, and being the steadfast reminder in her life that I was there for her and nothing she could ever do would make me love her less. It’s not something that can happen when your kids are young. It happens slowly (sometimes, agonizingly slowly) over time.

Of course, I’ll always be her mama… she’ll likely always look to me for my advice and guidance, but this felt different to me. For me, it was the wonderful reward that followed all the hard parts of parenting my daughter. 

When Control Fades and Connection Grows

I used to orchestrate her days. I used to have so many rules in place to protect her. I used to talk relentlessly about school, homework, curfews, and family rules. But that started to fade. Instead, I started watching her build a life that was uniquely her own.

I started listening to her thoughts, opinions, and dreams about her future. It’s a shift that happens almost imperceptibly… You stop managing their every move and you start cheering for them from the sidelines. 

The rules fade, the lectures begin to quiet, and what’s left is a relationship based on trust and mutual respect. She still comes to me for advice and guidance – I don’t think that will ever truly fade, but what’s different now is that I find myself going to her for advice and guidance. I trust and value her opinion, like a friend. She knows me, and I know her. We have each other’s backs, and the beauty of that kind of connection is hard to put into words. 

The “Gift” of Them Choosing You

There’s nothing quite like the moment when your child calls you just to say “Hi.” They don’t need a ride or money or permission; they just want to vent, share news about their day, get your take on something, or they just want to hang out with you for a while while they’re driving home. (I’m definitely my daughter’s “travel buddy.”) 

The beauty of it all is that they come to you – not because they have to, but because they want to. And being “chosen” by your child is literally the best feeling in the world. They’ve chosen you as their confidante and their safe place when life gets chaotic. It’s a full-circle moment when, finally, after raising your child, they choose to spend time with you, share with you, and laugh with you. It’s one of the greatest gifts of parenting… when you’re invited in as a friend. 

A Gentle Reminder for Moms (and Dads) Still in the Thick of It

If you’re still in the heart of parenting your teens, take heart… It’s coming. I know it doesn’t always feel that way when the house feels heavy with tension and your teen’s (sometimes) sharp words sting.

But everything you’re putting in, including the late-night conversations, the millions of miles you’re driving them (and all their friends), the meals you’re cooking for them, the high fives and praises you offer, the rules you’re putting in place (even when they fight you) – they’re small seeds you’re planting. 

Your teen is taking it all in, they’re paying attention, and one day, they’ll look back and smile. Because those seeds you’re planting will blossom in your teen’s heart, and they’ll leave behind the moody, sassy teenager, and a wonderful, mature, caring young adult will emerge. The wait is worth it, parents… I promise. 

One Day…

You’ll look across the table… not at the young teen you raised who sometimes acted like they didn’t care or need you, but as the friend you made along the way.

And in that quiet, wonderful, ordinary moment – over dinner, in the car, at your favorite restaurant, or just sitting on the couch wrapped in blankets – your heart will truly understand how it feels when motherhood comes full circle. 

If you enjoyed reading, “The Moment It Hits You: We’re Friends Now,” here are a few other posts you might like!

I Know I’m Not Supposed to Be My Teen’s Friend, But Sometimes That’s Exactly What He Needs

Meet Them Where They’re At: The Secret to Building a Powerful Connection with Your Teen

101 Conversation Starters for Teens to Connect, Laugh and Get into Their Head