Written by: Cindy Price / Contributing Writer
Ask any teenager and they’ll probably tell you that “self-love” is buying themselves the newest and coolest tech toy, going on a mini shopping spree or splurging on tickets to a concert they’ve been dying to see.
And, in some ways, they’d be right. Self-love really is about doing things for yourself that make you feel good.
But, there’s more to it than that.
Self-love isn’t simply a state of feeling good. It’s about making the right choices that help our teens become the best they can be. It’s about blocking out the white noise (including social media perfectionism, negative self-talk, and unrealistic expectations), focusing on their own well-being and finding the delicate physical and mental balance so they can truly accept and love themselves exactly as they are.
Let’s Talk About the Rise of Depression
Teenage and childhood depression are on the rise. When you consider the stressors so many kids face today, it’s really no surprise. The world seems scarier thanks to the constant news stream coming from social media and 24/7 news networks. Social and academic pressures brought on by social media and the competitiveness of the college application process are taking its toll on our teens and the rising cost of higher education is making a future of debt an almost assured one.
Teens are often surprisingly aware of these facts, and that awareness can erode their outlook, confidence, and ambition. We can fight the system we live in and make the world better, bit by bit. But one of the biggest impacts we can make as parents is by helping our children remain mentally and emotionally strong by teaching them the skills they need to better cope with the pressures of life.
Here are 6 easy to implement strategies to help your teen stay mentally, emotionally and physically strong.
1. Carve Out Screen-Free Time
According to studies, nearly 50 percent of teenagers feel as though they’re addicted to their phones. Screen time, as a whole, according to other experts, is perpetuating “distractedness” which is the tendency people have to do things that are against their better interest. Like it or not, though, technology is here to stay.
I am not one of those people who believes that technology is ruining our youth or making this generation lazy. On the contrary, I think it’s helping our kids stay more in-tune with the world than ever before. But that doesn’t mean we can’t use a break to appreciate what’s around us.
Every night, my family and I sit down to dinner sans-phones. We have a conversation, joke around and eat. Afterward, we try to do some kind of family activity. Sometimes it’s a board game, sometimes it’s a bike ride – anything where the focus isn’t on a screen that disconnects us from each other.
The idea is to help our kids step away from their phones, computers, and iPads (even temporarily) to look up, enjoy healthy face-to-face conversations with family and friends and seek out better balance in their lives.
2. Encourage Creative Outlets
Because finding the words to describe their emotions or mental state can be difficult for some teenagers, having a creative outlet could be just what they need to help them release those pent up emotions and find a sense of calmness.
According to Forbes Magazine, being creative can actually improve your health. It can reduce anxiety, combat depression, and relieve stress. Studies have also shown that writing can help people manage their negative emotions in a productive way, and painting or drawing helps people express trauma or experiences that they find too difficult to put into words.
Help your teen find their “inner creative self” through outlets such as drawing, writing, sculpting, singing, playing an instrument or any other myriad of creative outlets.
3. Get Active as a Family
Every Sunday, my family and I go on a hike or trail ride. At first, it was like pulling teeth to get my kids on board with the idea. Now it’s become a weekly ritual that we all look forward to. We’ve challenged ourselves as a family to try harder and longer excursions, and last summer, we even went on a three-day hike/camping trip for the first time. It was a great way to release tension, boost our natural happiness and remind us all what’s really important.
Exercise is one of the best ways for our teens to find their “center of gravity,” so to speak. It’s an all-natural way to beat the blues and even fight full-blown depression. So, whether you take up a game of football in the backyard, learn Karate as a family, join a fitness center or go for a hike, get your teen away from the stress of school and life, out of the house, away from technology and moving!
4. Teach Them to Love Themselves
I will never forget how my mother was always complaining about putting on weight, the lines around her eyes, or how she had to color her hair to banish the grays. She’s a beautiful woman, but all my life she was obsessed with her flaws. And, in turn, I learned by example. It took me years to break that harmful habit in myself and now I’m making a concerted effort to teach my daughters and son to learn to love and accept themselves.
Research has shown that teens who have self-compassion are far better off. Self-compassion offers them a protective barrier against the effect of trauma, peer victimization, depression, self-harm, and even low self-esteem. It may not be easy for our teens to master, but the more they cut themselves a little slack and accept themselves (and all their perfect flaws) as they are, the better prepared they’ll be to face the world’s pressures.
5. Make Your Home a Tranquil Sanctuary
Imagine the dread a teenager would feel coming home knowing that their home life was unstable, that a fight could break out at any moment or having to deal with constant chaos or noise.
Of course, our homes may not be completely calm and harmonious all the time (especially when you’re raising teenagers), but if we want our children to grow up feeling in control and content, we need to build peace in our home.
One surefire way to create a peaceful, tranquil home life for your teen is by making their bedroom a comfortable and organized retreat so they can come home from school, de-stress and regroup. Music and aromatherapy are also great stress relievers. Even something as simple as conquering clutter in your teen’s room and painting it in a serene color can make a difference in how they feel.
6. Give Them a Break
How much does your teen have on their plate? Do they juggle homework, afterschool activities, sports, a tutor, music lessons or other responsibilities like a part-time job? To avoid total burnout, it might be time to teach them to prioritize what’s really important in their life.
In college, one of my advisors gave me some advice that stuck with me over the years. She said: “When planning your life, pick one thing that moves you forward and one thing that brings you joy.”
Our teens can learn from that piece of advice. They don’t have to spread themselves so thin. They don’t have to push themselves toward an invisible finish line they feel compelled to reach. With a little guidance from us and some self-reflection on their part, they can choose what activity or activities are important to them so they can find a healthy balance that doesn’t wear them out physically, mentally or emotionally.
Cindy Price has worked as a parenting educator for over 15 years and writes on a variety of topics from how to deal with teenage rebellion to positive parenting techniques. As her own children are in their mid-to-late teens, many of her topics focused around getting teenagers through their transition from childhood to adulthood. As one of life’s greatest joys is her family, she works hard to give advice that will allow families to come together, no matter what problems they are struggling with.