This post: My Precious Son: I Miss Your Littleness, But I’m in Awe of the Man You’re Becoming
Written By: Amannda Maphies
I recently found myself standing face-to-face in a conversation with my oldest son, Liam. He’s 13 (going on 27… at least in his mind), so these real-time, face-to-face exchanges rarely happen, unless forced (by me), or late at night when he suddenly becomes chatty and I, of course, have long passed the alertness of this world.
My precious son now stands at least three inches taller than I do. I have known this for a while but stubbornly refused to fully accept it. It all happened so quickly!
There’s something very bizarre and unsettling that happens when your firstborn child surpasses you in height. I mean, yes, he’s still a kid (and perhaps always will be in your heart). But in a sort of adult body.
I don’t like it. But I also love it…
My Precious Son: I Miss Your Littleness, But I’m in Awe of Who You’re Becoming
When we hug, (which is most often on his terms, not mine), his newly minted behemoth leans down to envelop me with his long, lanky, not-yet-defined (though much more defined than mine, I not-so-readily admit) teenage arms. Despite the awkwardness of him peering down at me, I find myself feeling safe, warm, and cozy.
I can only imagine that this is how he felt when, as a young child, I stood several feet taller than him and leaned down to hug him or scoop him up with my loving, warm, and comforting mommy arms.
Perhaps most moms might agree that it’s rather confusing when our boys begin to mature into young men. One minute they’re curling up in our laps wanting us to read them a book; the next they’re towering over us looking far more manly than we’re ready for.
Some days, I’m perplexed by the ridiculous (although still sweetly immature) nonsense he flings at me, as we are, (for instance) yet again, late for an event. Usually his event. Other days, he amazes me with his deep and keen understanding of the world surrounding him. More so than I had at his age, without a doubt.
Alas, what a sense of comfort and relief I feel when I see the beautiful glimmer of hope; he really is going to be a productive member of society someday!
For now, though… I still see the little boyness deep in his royal blue eyes – the same beautiful eyes that mesmerized me when he was my precious baby who morphed into a sweet, young toddler and now into a teenager who towers over me. I hear the changing tone of his voice and I can’t help but notice his big feet and hands and the stubble on his chin… all signaling a full-fledged man is taking over his young body, mind, and soul.
I have never felt so small than when looking up at my son. And yet, ironically, at the same time, I have never felt so proud, humbled, or in awe of any one single person than when looking up at this emerging young man who shares the same (albeit slightly larger) footprints of my first precious, prayed-for and much-anticipated baby boy.
Life is full of these rare lightbulb moments, aren’t they? And, if we’re truly aware and paying attention, we might be fortunate enough to grasp and fully appreciate the beauty of those moments as they’re happening.
I thought time could never flow as rapidly as when my two sons were babies turning into toddlers – all in a blurry blink of an eye. However, as my boys grow into young men, I feel the gift of time has sped up exponentially. Days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, and months turn to years.
Before you know it, your once precious kindergartner who needed help tying his shoes and reaching for the water fountain is now driving you to work, moving the heavy furniture in the living room, and wisely offering life advice on relationships – because, let’s face it, you don’t seem to know any more at 44 years of age than you did at 23 (speaking strictly for myself here)…
I still don’t know when or how it happened – that this precious soul, who awakened my greatest and most-anticipated desire to be a mother, surpassed me in height. Not to mention, surpassing himself in maturity, wisdom, insight, and an inspiring passion for life!
It was seemingly overnight. But it happened. At first, I didn’t like it. But this Mama is slowly warming up to the idea…
There was a time my son needed the fierce mother’s protection of his little boy self. And, while we’re not fully there yet, someday he will no doubt provide that same level of protection for his aging mother. A tender shifting of the tides, impossible to pinpoint, until the evidence is right in front of my face.
Or rather, slightly above….
About Amannda Maphies:
Amannda works at the UMKC School of Pharmacy, is a boy mom to Liam (13) and Waylan (11), and enjoys freelance writing based on her travels, life adventures, and pretty much anything that stands out as ‘story-worthy’. Manndi contributes to several online and written publications varying in content from single motherhood, raising teens, biblical perspectives, and inspirational/overcoming stories based on her unique life journey. She also enjoys a slice of journalism, writing for two local publications: Ozarks Farm and Neighbor and Connections Magazine. Manndi is proud to be published in Chicken Soup for the Soul Believing in Angels (January 2022), and her first book was published in September 2022, Tales From My Mummy. Her writing is lovingly filled with inspiration, encouragement, and always a touch of humor. “Live a life worthy of writing about,” is her life motto, which she strives to emulate daily.
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