This Post: The First Few Weeks of Being an Empty Nester Are the Toughest: Here’s a Fun & Easy Bucket List to Get You Through
Written By: Marybeth Bock
Well, it happened…
You dropped your precious child off at college, said your tearful goodbyes, and drove home with a heavy heart while quietly whispering to yourself, “How did we get here so fast?” And now, life feels completely surreal.
Let me first say, the empty-nester stage can be incredibly hard on parents… It’s when you may find yourself experiencing a strange combination of relief, sorrow, freedom, and the intense urge to text your son or daughter 37 times a day to make sure they’re okay, that they found their classes, and that they’re making friends.
As a mom who’s been there, the first few weeks can be pretty emotional, especially after 18 years of having your kids at the center of your world. But this time can also be the beginning of an exciting new chapter of your life. Instead of moping around the house (it’s okay if you find yourself moping a little… we all do), walking past their empty bedroom 40 times a day, and reminiscing about their childhood, plan some fun activities to keep yourself busy.
The First Few Weeks of Being an Empty Nester Are the Toughest: Here’s a Fun & Easy Bucket List to Get You Through
Heads up: You’ll probably hear advice like, “Take a nice trip and start traveling!” or “Get a puppy.” Sure, both are solid suggestions if you currently have the resources and the energy. But our suggestions here are a lot less pricey and a bit simpler.
There’s nothing earth-shattering here… just simple ideas to keep you busy, make this big life transition a little easier, and remind you that there are, in fact, a whole lot of fun things to do and try after your child (especially the last one) leaves home.
12 (Rather Simple) Ways to Ease the First Few Weeks of Empty Nest Sadness
1. Make Plans You Actually Look Forward To
There is an element of grief (at least for many parents) when their child leaves for college, but try not to leave your calendar completely blank during the first few weeks. Keep yourself occupied by planning something small that gives you a reason to get dressed, get out of the house, and have something to look forward to–lunch with a friend, a Saturday morning farmers’ market, a concert, a day trip, dinner somewhere you’ve been wanting to try, or even a ridiculously good cup of coffee at that new coffee shop in town. You don’t need to fill every empty hour; you just don’t want your entire week to suddenly become one long stretch of “What am I supposed to do now?”
2. See an Intense Movie (or Two)
I’m talking Odessey-level action, almost pee yourself laughing comedy, jump-scare intensity horror, or sci-fi fantasy that transports you to another realm. Basically anything besides a sappy romance or stressful biopic that may induce even more tears. Get out of your head, get into a theater, and live in another world for a couple of hours. Bonus points for sharing a bucket of buttery popcorn with a partner or friend.
3. Treat Yourself to a Little Indulgence
Yes, you really do deserve it! Book a mind-numbing massage, a relaxing facial, a “time to chill out” mani/pedi, a dreamy scalp treatment, or an appointment with a “normally too expensive, but what the h#ll,” hair salon and let them transform your look with a new cut, a luxury blow-out, or highlights just for fun! It’s all about getting a new lease on life and helping you feel better about yourself so you’re ready to move forward into this new phase of your life.
4. Start a Tiny Tradition That Is Just Yours
Saturday morning coffee somewhere with your husband, partner, wife, or bestie (or by yourself!), a Friday night movie, an evening walk after dinner, or maybe a weekly stroll through a bookstore. Whatever it is that “tiny new tradition” will help give this chapter in your life rhythm… something it desperately needs right now.
5. Focus on Your Health and Well-Being
You’ve dedicated nearly two decades to your child. Maybe it’s time to put some attention toward yourself. Do a gym trial, buy a treadmill or free weights, start taking a Yoga class, start walking every morning with a friend and/or make a diligent effort to start eating better. (Also, be sure to catch up on all those doctors’ appointments you’ve been putting off because you couldn’t find the time. This is your time to regroup.)
6. Learn Something New… Anything
Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn French! Maybe you’re dying to learn how to golf! Maybe you want to give Pickleball a try! Or maybe you want to take a painting, pottery, photography, or cooking class.
For 18 years, you had a calendar full of things you had to remember, schedule, and figure out. Now you get to learn something simply because you’re curious. That’s a pretty wonderful perk of an empty nest. (HINT: Here’s a list of best language apps for fluency.)
7. Refresh Your Holiday Decor
It’s a lovely coincidence that the start of college matches up with the rapidly approaching holidays. (Just pretend it’s not boiling outside if that’s your current situation!)
Set aside a weekend or a couple of nights to sort through any bins and boxes that are stuffed with outdated or shabby holiday decorations. Toss those old Halloween costumes, half-melted candles, and stained tablecloths–then have some fun! Maybe this is the year you finally buy the wreath you’ve been eyeing, add some new ornaments to the tree, swap out those tired table linens, or choose a fresh color scheme. Your empty nest might feel different this year, so why not let your holiday décor feel a little different, too? (The Simplicity Habit has excellent holiday purge tips.)
8. Start a Big, Juicy Novel or a Journal
If you haven’t read one of those can’t-put-down books in years, go get yourself one. Instead of lying in bed at night overthinking or worrying whether your teen is settling in, eating healthily, or getting lost on campus, get sucked into an exciting thriller or fantasy that will keep you turning the pages late into the night. (Here’s a great book list from Oprah.)
Or if you’d rather write, start a journal. It can be whatever you want it to be–a daily gratitude list, a freeform flow of consciousness, or an airing of grievances. Let your feelings flow onto the pages that no one else has to see.
9. Host an Empty Nester Potluck Dinner
Spend time in the company of other moms and dads who are sharing similar feelings and just get what you are going through. The fun is in both the planning and the doing. It can be as casual or as elaborate as you’d like. Come up with a theme and be a little crazy. (Here are a bunch of fun themes to try from The American Patriette.)
Perhaps this can lead to the formation of an empty-nester monthly supper club that rotates among houses. Be sure to include a toast to reaching a new level of parenting prowess.
10. Go Somewhere You’ve Never Been
Not a vacation. Just a day trip. Visit a little town, museum, garden, bookstore, hiking trail, antique shop, etc. There’s something psychologically calming about having a place to go when your house suddenly feels too quiet.
11. Make a “Someday” List and Start Crossing Things Off
Not necessarily huge bucket-list items. Maybe just 10, 15, or 20 things you’d like to do one day. See a Broadway show, take a trip somewhere you’ve never been, learn to make homemade pasta, or start a book club. The idea is to start looking ahead and get excited about what’s yet to come!
12. Schedule an Online Therapy Session
It’s so easy, so convenient, and covered (finally) by so many insurance companies. And it’s the height of self-care for a new empty nester – especially if you’re struggling with this major transition in your life.
Let a professional listen to your unique ways of coping –whether it’s crying, laughing, obsessing, fretting, or crashing out. They’ll absorb, empathize, clarify, and accept all your thoughts and feelings without judgment and probably better than a spouse, sibling, or best friend can. It’s seriously the best. (Here’s Forbes Health’s list of best online therapy platforms.)
Mostly, parents, remember this… you’re not alone, and your empty nest sadness will slowly lessen with each passing week– even if the first few are rough. So, take these ideas, tweak them or come up with a few of your own and run with them. The future holds so many wonderful things!
Marybeth Bock, MPH, is a Mom to two young adults and one delightful hound dog. She has logged time as a military spouse, childbirth educator, college instructor, and freelance writer. She lives in Arizona and thoroughly enjoys research and writing, as long as iced coffee is involved. Her work can be found on numerous websites and in two books. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
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