This Post: 15 Ways to Stay Close to Your Teen (When Life Is Pulling You in Different Directions)
Written By: Marybeth Bock
There are days – sometimes even weeks – when we measure time spent with our teens in minutes, not hours.
So often, my kids would dash out the door before the sun was fully up to catch the bus or get the “good” parking spot in the crowded high school lot, leaving me with nothing more than a quick side hug and a “See ya later, Mom” as they started their day.
By the afternoon, they were off again – to practice, an away game, a club, or their part-time job – only to arrive home (typically late), to gobble down dinner before they’d hunker down in their bedrooms to do hours of homework before they climbed into bed.
The truth is, I felt like I was waving at them as they rushed by.
15 Ways to Stay Close to Your Teen (When Life Is Pulling You in Different Directions)
The calendar is full. The house is loud. The days are chaotic – and yet somehow, amidst all the busy, frenzied days, your heart longs for your teen. You miss them terribly… even though they sleep right down the hall.
The truth is, though, that all the “busyness” isn’t the real enemy.
It’s the feelings of disconnection that swiftly build up when you’re constantly trading real conversations for practices and games, and emotional connection for school, projects, and homework.
Staying close to your teen doesn’t mean forcing family dinners (because we know schedules don’t always allow that) or blocking off half a Saturday for “mandatory family bonding” (let’s be real — that can be hard to pull off). It’s about finding those moments that keep your relationship warm when everything else feels cold and rushed.
Here are 15 Creative and Doable Ways to Stay Close to Your Teen (Even When Their Schedule is Jam-Packed)
1. The 10-Minute “Car Window” Rule
No long lectures. No life lessons.
Just one simple rule: When you’re in the car, you give your teen 10 minutes to talk about whatever is on their mind. Whether it’s school stuff, how much they literally despise Algebra, a silly story they heard, or just random thoughts they have swirling around in their head – it’s their time to share whatever is on their mind. Even if they’d rather put their earbuds in and listen to music, that’s okay! Somehow, the silence can still feel like connection. (Soak up this time with your teen, parents… it won’t be long before they have their driver’s license and you’ll be missing these days!)
2. Stay Up Late Every Once in a While
I get it. Staying up late with your “semi-nocturnal” teenager can be a challenge – especially when you’re exhausted and SO ready to curl up in bed.
But even if you make a vow to stay up past your bedtime once a month, you’ll be doing your teen and your relationship with them so much good. Hang out on the couch and talk, whip up a late-night snack together, or curl up in bed and catch up on the day’s happenings with a cup of herbal tea – just enjoy your teen’s company. One thing I’ve learned… teenagers open up when the house is quiet, and the world feels smaller.
3. Institute a “High, Low, and Weird” Ritual
Maybe you did this when they were much younger, and it stopped somewhere along the way, or maybe you’ve never tried this. Either way, it’s a fun and low-pressure way to stay connected to your teen. Whether it’s in the car, at dinner, or whenever your schedules overlap, take a few minutes to ask your teen:
What was your high today?
What was your low?
What was something weird or random that happened today?
The “weird” question often brings out the best stories!
4. Create a Micro Tradition
Not every family tradition has to be a holiday-level production. It could be something simple, like going through the drive-thru to grab a doughnut every Friday morning before school, making Sunday night smoothies together, having a fun family movie night complete with all your teens’ favorite snacks, or having a Taco Tuesday dinner once a week.
These seemingly insignificant “micro rituals” will give your teen a feeling of belonging… and trust me, they’ll remember them forever.
5. Get Something FUN on the Calendar
It’s easy to get caught up in the constant whirlwind of life, isn’t it? Your teen is busy, you’re busy, life is busy.
But if you don’t put it on the calendar, it simply won’t happen. Plan a day of hiking, a day (or weekend) at the beach, or hit the amusement or water park. Ask your teen what they’d like to do and let them help plan it. Even if it’s once a month or quarterly, having something fun to talk about and look forward to can bring you closer.
6. Protect One Unmovable Family Activity
Maybe it’s attending church every Sunday as a family. Maybe it’s one Saturday a month where your family (and extended family) gets together to grill out or hang out together and play board games. Maybe it’s your family’s annual ski trip or camping trip. Or it’s Wednesday night takeout from the Chinese restaurant down the street.
Pick one consistent activity that won’t get sacrificed to sports, clubs, or social plans. These predictable family activities can be just what your teen needs to feel close and secure in their always-on-the-go lives.
7. The Drop-In Bedroom Chat
Make it a habit of dropping in on your teen every night before bed. You don’t have to stay in their room long… 10-15 minutes or so, to ask about their day, hug them (if they’re accepting), and say “I love you.” The key? Don’t stay too long and don’t make it a “big talk.” Just hang out, check in, and leave before it gets awkward.
8. Spend One-on-One Time with Each of Your Kids
Moms, plan a girls’ night out with each of your daughters every once in a while. Dads, plan a guys’ night out with each of your sons. OR, have a mother/son evening or dad/daughter night on the town.
It doens’t have to be elaborate or expensive – a drive-thru at their favorite fast food restaurant, a coffee run, a trip to the mall, a night at the movies, take a class together, go to a sporting event, or just hit the bookstore and stroll.
Having that one-on-one individual attention will make your teen feel so incredibly special. Plus, these are the moments you’ll remember when the house is quiet one day.
9. Have a “Teach Me” Night
Ask your teenager to teach you something – a workout or dance move, how one of their favorite apps or video games works, the lyrics to their favorite song, or how to make their go-to coffee order.
When you become their student, it builds their confidence and your connection to them – and it reinforces that you care about their world.
10. Run an Errand Together (With the Promise of Food, Of Course)
Chances are, if you ask your teen to run an errand with you, you’ll likely get a “Nah… thanks, I’m good.” BUT if you tack on the words, “We can stop for food if you like,” you might just get a resounding “Okay… I’ll go!!” They might have a long list of conditions, including:
- We can’t be gone for more than an hour
- If you run into someone you know, you can’t talk to them.
- You can only make one stop… not five or six.
Teenagers are funny that way! But if you can get your teen all to yourself – even if it’s only for 15 or 20 minutes – it’s worth it! It’s a special time that fortifies your closeness and bond.
11. Text or Snapchat Something Unexpected
Maybe it’s a silly meme. A great memory. A simple “thinking of you.”
I started sending my kids a weekly Snapchat selfie with a funny filter when they left for college, and most of the time, they’d send one back to me immediately. We still keep this up years later! Sure, they might roll their eyes at your silliness, but they notice and appreciate the gesture. And sometimes they respond to your texts and snaps more honestly than they would face-to-face.
12. Parallel Time
As most of us know, our teens don’t always want to have deep conversations – but they’ll tolerate “proximity.”
Try folding their laundry in their room while they do homework. Sit on the couch next to them and go through your mail while they game. Go with them when it’s their turn to walk the dog. Or, a GREAT way to connect with your teen is to set aside time to cook with them. Whether you teach them how to make their favorite snack or whip an awesome taco salad together, time in the kitchen is a great connector!
You might not have a heart-to-heart, but just sharing space with your teen gives them peace and comfort and gives you a bit more insight into their world.
13. Volunteer Together
Choose a low-commitment act of service of your teen’s choosing. Maybe it’s working at the animal shelter or a local seniors center. A friend of mine volunteered with her son at the local library, helping senior citizens learn how to use their cell phones.
Start with just one Saturday afternoon, not a year-long obligation. Serving your community side-by-side with your teen is a low-pressure and rewarding way to spend time together. And hey, you never know! You both might end up liking it so much that you commit to it more often!
14. Share “When You Were Little” Stories
Your teen might pretend that they don’t care, but they do. Next time you’re hanging out, share a story about how sweet they were when they were little, and they’d willingly share their favorite toys at the playground. Or how they used to make homemade birthday cards for their stuffed animals.
Tender stories like these ground your teen and make them feel loved. Try it and watch your teen’s face light up!
15. Get a Little Vacay on the Books
It doesn’t have to be long, far, or expensive. Maybe it’s a fishing trip, a weekend ski getaway, or renting an Airbnb for a couple of days near your home just to get away from it all. Nothing can hit the reset button on your relationship with your teen more than stepping away from school, schedules, their laptop, daily responsibilities, and life in general. Those short (or sometimes long) getaways are just what your relationship needs.
Here’s a Little Pro-Tip.
Staying close to your teen isn’t about controlling their schedules or competing with their friends. (Because that’s a losing battle). It’s about becoming a safe, steady place in the middle of their busy world.
And, no… You may not get hours of uninterrupted bonding time most weeks. But what you will get are precious moments – in the car, in the kitchen, in between practices and homework deadlines. It’s about noticing those little moments and choosing to fully lean into them – because that’s where the magic happens with teens.
Marybeth Bock, MPH, is a Mom to two young adults and one delightful hound dog. She has logged time as a military spouse, childbirth educator, college instructor, and freelance writer. She lives in Arizona and thoroughly enjoys research and writing, as long as iced coffee is involved. Her work can be found on numerous websites and in two books. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
If you enjoyed reading “15 Ways to Stay Close to Your Teen (When Life Is Pulling You in Different Directions),” here are a few other posts you might like!
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The Relationship Your Teen Daughter REALLY Wants to Have with You: 10 Ways to Achieve It