Don’t Be Disappointed this Mother’s Day: 4 Tips to Make SURE You Have an Amazing Day

Ahhh… Mother’s Day.

A beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers, breakfast in bed, and thoughtful cards written by my wonderful children where they each pour out their hearts telling me all the reasons they’re so incredibly grateful for everything I do and how much they love and appreciate me.

And, when I’m absolutely convinced I’ve been given all the warmth and love my heart can hold, they present me with the perfect gift – a luxurious day filled with pampering at a five-star spa complete with a massage, facial, and a deluxe mani-pedi. Heaven really is a place on Earth.

Oh… wait a minute, I have teenagers.

There may be teenagers out there who shower their moms with love and appreciation (lucky for you if that’s you), but in my house, that kind of special treatment and pampering on Mother’s Day doesn’t happen. It’s not that I have awful kids or that they don’t love or appreciate me. In fact, my kids are actually awesome.  It’s just that, well… they’re teenagers and sometimes, they’re a little clueless.

It wasn’t always that way. My kids used to be very thoughtful and appreciative.

When my kids were young my husband would pile them in the car (typically the night before Mother’s Day) and they’d all head out on an exciting, fun-filled excursion to find me the perfect Mother’s Day gifts.

After being gone for a couple of hours they’d walk in the door as giddy as ever telling me how much I was going to love what they bought me and how they didn’t think they would be able to sleep that night because they were so excited to give me my gifts.

Sometimes my gifts consisted of a giant Hershey’s chocolate bar (which they secretly bought in hopes that I’d share), a balloon, and a Target gift card. Another year I remember getting a cookbook and a small bouquet of flowers hand-picked from our garden.

What made Mother’s Day so special wasn’t the gifts they gave me, although I loved them all, but my kids’ excitement. Their enthusiasm, their pride in the gifts they chose, the time they took wrapping them and their lively excitement when they presented me with my gifts. That’s what made my heart melt.

And then… they grew up and became teenagers.

I adore my kids – all three of them. They’re terrific kids – caring, loving and kind – and I’m blessed to have a wonderful relationship with each of them. But, when it comes to Mother’s Day, they’re a little clueless. And, as hard as my husband thinks he tries to make the day special for me, he’s really not much help either.

If I left it up to my family, Mother’s Day would be just like any other day – feeding the cats, cooking breakfast, doing the dishes, throwing in a few loads of laundry, asking them to pick up their shoes in the middle of the floor for the fifteenth time and maybe running a few errands to get a jump on the week.

I used to get really frustrated. How could they not know that they’re supposed to treat me like a princess on Mother’s Day? I know I said I didn’t want anything for Mother’s Day, but I lied. I do! I want the pampering, the breakfast in bed, the daisies, dinner at a fancy restaurant, and the spa day. Heck, I’d settle for a rose and a piece of dry toast. Don’t they know I’m pretty darn easy to please?

It took me a couple of years to figure it out, but I eventually realized that my kids are basically caught in the abyss between childhood and adulthood. They’re too old to have the childlike spirit I desperately miss and too young to be adult enough to “get it.”

I’m totally convinced they’re not intentionally thoughtless. I suppose they’ve become so accustomed to me giving and doing and driving and buying and caring and cleaning without expecting anything in return, that they think I don’t need to feel appreciated. So, when Mother’s Day rolls around and I raise my false expectations in hopes that they’ll put me on the pedestal I feel I’m so deserving of (like all moms want), they just assume I won’t mind, just like I typically don’t mind the other 364 days a year when I give unconditionally and expect nothing in return.

So, I went on a mission to teach them.

Knowing that this is just the way it is in my house, a few years ago I laid down my “Mother’s Day law.”

Things are definitely different in my house. It’s not as though I laid down the ground rules with an iron fist. I, more or less, let my family know that Mother’s Day meant the world to me and that my idea of a perfect day was spending quality time with my family.  (Something that can be hard to do when your kids are all running in different directions.)

Now I tell my kids to clear their calendars (weeks in advance because teenagers need as much advance warning as possible) and I plan the day from beginning to end.

Mother’s Day is now my day. I get to call the shots, which means no friends, no other commitments, no “Mom, I have to meet Carly so we can study,” or “Mom, I can hang out with you in the morning, but after that I have plans,” and no cell phones.

Since I essentially took over the planning of Mother’s Day, the last several years have been awesome. My entire family looks forward to the day because they know I’m going to plan something fun and, in the midst of everything, I’ve taught my kids a thing or two about the importance of the day, what it means to me and the value of showing appreciation and gratitude.

Last year we went hiking. The year before we spent the entire day at the lake – a full day filled with eye contact (that was a gift in itself), conversation, and quality family time. Now, I actually look forward to Mother’s Day every single year.

As a mom of three teenagers, I’ve picked up a few Mother’s Day lessons that I thought might be worth sharing. Lessons that have helped me gain a fresh perspective on Mother’s Day and helped me enjoy the day without frustration, disappointment or hurt feelings. If your teenagers are like mine (loveable, but a little clueless), here are four tips to make the absolute most of your Mother’s Day.

Speak Up

One of the more important lessons I’ve learned as a mom of teenagers is that if you want something, you have to ask for it. Don’t expect your kids to remember Mother’s Day and definitely don’t wait around for them to make plans.

If you want your kids to take you to brunch at the new restaurant down the street, tell your kids to make reservations. If you’d like the entire family to head to the beach and have a picnic, tell your kids to clear their calendars. Or, if your idea of Mother’s Day is a pampered day to yourself, speak up and tell your family ahead of time. Teenagers have very foggy brains (it’s true), so if you don’t tell them exactly what your expectations are and what you want, chances are it will never happen.

Plan Ahead

If you want your Mother’s Day to be special you might just have to plan it yourself. And, that’s ok! Don’t focus on the fact that you had to do the planning and that your kids dropped the ball (it’s pretty universal – most teenagers just aren’t overly thoughtful), just set the stage for an amazing day doing whatever it is that’s going to make you happy. A hiking trip with the family, a drive through the mountains, a backyard bbq, or a day at the pool – whatever it is, plan it and make the absolute most of the day.

Adjust Your Expectations

Expectations are, quite often, our worst enemy. As a wise person once said, “Don’t blame people for disappointing you; blame yourself for expecting too much.” Of course, we want our kids to treat us like queens on Mother’s Day (and every other day of the year, for that matter), but the reality is, sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Don’t let your high (or unrealistic) expectations ruin your Mother’s Day.

Keep things in perspective and remember they are teenagers. They may not show their heartfelt appreciation the way we’d like them to now, but in time they will. Perhaps not today, perhaps not tomorrow… but, eventually.

Love ‘Em No Matter What

Despite the fact that your kids aren’t showing their warm gratitude and genuine appreciation for all that you do by handing you a fresh bouquet of flowers and treating you to a wonderful, relaxing dinner so you don’t have to cook, be under no illusion, they do appreciate you.

Kids in general, regardless of their age, aren’t always adept at showing anyone, let alone their moms, their appreciation. It’s a learning curve. And, with a few more dropped hints from you, a tad more guidance from your husband (or someone else you put to the task), and a little more maturity that will eventually sink in, they’ll someday reach a point in their lives when they truly understand the importance of Mother’s Day. Until then… my advice is to just love ’em no matter what.

Thank you for giving me life and thank you for not taking it back during my teens years.”