“My child never seems to follow through with anything. He lacks the determination, motivation and fortitude to see things through to the end and he doesn’t seem willing to fight for what he wants. Sure… he starts out with tons of enthusiasm, but over time, his ambition fizzles, and he abandons his goals like a flock of birds heading south for the winter.”
Sound familiar?
If you’re like most parents you’re probably wondering what separates the “Let’s get the job done” kids from the “Nah, I’d rather play video games all day” kids. Is there something one has that the other lacks?
Interestingly, experts have found that there is one distinct difference.
In education, the one thing we know how to measure is IQ. But what if doing well in school and in life depends on much more than your ability to learn quickly and easily?
Dr. Angela Lee Duckworth, an assistant professor at the University of Pennsylvania, former seventh-grade math teacher and author of the best-selling book “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance,” has built a dedicated following sharing her groundbreaking studies about intangible concepts as a way to predict both academic and professional success.
In her studies, one characteristic emerged as a significant predictor of success. You might be surprised… it wasn’t social intelligence, education, good looks or even IQ.
It was grit.
According to Dr. Duckworth, “Grit is passion and perseverance for long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your goals day in, and day out – not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”
The fact is, there are many talented, smart kids who simply don’t follow through with their commitments or who lack the determination and motivation to be successful. So, how do we, as parents, instill grit in our kids?
According to Dr. Duckworth, the best idea for building grit in kids is an idea developed at Stanford University called “growth mindset,” which embraces the idea that the ability to learn is not fixed. In other words, the ability to learn can be dramatically changed by effort.
The study showed that kids who read and learned about the brain and how it changes and grows in response to challenge were far more likely to persevere when they failed because they didn’t view that failure as permanent. They came to terms with the fact that they hold the power to control outcomes based on the effort they put in.
Although it’s every parent’s dream to raise a child who has the perseverance and motivation to succeed no matter what it takes, grit is not a characteristic that’s particularly easy to identify in our kids.
To identify if your child has the “true grit” and “stick-to-itiveness” to see things through to end and put forth the effort that perhaps no one else is willing to put forth, here are five surefire ways to tell.
Nothing Stops Them
If your child stops at nothing when they set their mind to something, chances are they possess grit. Kids with grit are on a mission to achieve their goals even in the face of failure and they have the ability to take their passion, turn it into perseverance and block out any distractions that get in the way of them reaching the finish line.
They View Life and its Challenges with Optimism
Nearly everyone has been stopped in their tracks by challenges and setbacks, but kids with grit have the ability to push through negativity, setbacks, and challenges with a positive attitude turning lemons into lemonade. Kids who are gritty have an optimistic attitude and, despite what life throws at them, they have the ability to dig their heels in the ground and move forward.
They’re Strong-Willed
Typically, when you hear a parent talk about their strong-willed child, they’re not referring to it in a positive sense. And yet, being strong-willed is a sign often found in gritty kids. However, to be truly strong-willed, gritty kids also possess the ability to keep their emotions in check and the vision to set goals and pursue those goals with staying power.
They Believe in Themselves and What They’re Fighting For
Whether you have a child who’s fighting to get into the college of their dreams or a child who practices five days a week to be the best on the team, kids with grit not only believe in themselves, they believe in what they’re fighting for and they’re willing to work hard for it. They’re not afraid of hard work, they’re not discouraged by what anyone thinks or says and they keep their eye on the prize – their goal.
They’re Committed to Leading Even When No One is Following
Gritty kids are committed to staying on track even when they’re the only one on the track. They’re leaders even when no one is following them and they don’t let it stop them. Like a horse with blinders on, their uncompromising fortitude is evident in their stamina, resilience and their desire to succeed.
Tips for Developing Grit
As much as it might appear that grit is an inherent quality, grit can actually be learned. To help your child develop grit, here are a few tips:
Focus on a Passion or Interest
When our kids are passionate and truly invested in a project or a goal, they’re far more likely to stick to it. Encourage them to focus on what interests them. Whether it’s a passion or something they’ve been eager to learn or try, let them dive into it with the freedom to immerse themselves in something they love.
Don’t Give Up
One of the best ways to help our kids develop grit is to encourage them to make the decision when they establish a goal they’re passionate about that they won’t give up. While this sounds easy, it’s actually quite difficult, especially for kids who are often bombarded by distractions such as friends and social media. The trick is to choose one goal and stick with it regardless of what obstacles they might face.
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try, Try Again
Remember, if you’re not willing to risk failure, then you’ll have to settle for ordinary. Successful people with grit didn’t get there by giving up. They reached their destination by picking themselves up after a setback, brushing themselves off and pushing forward. As Steve Jobs once said, “If you really look closely most overnight successes took a long time.”
Do Something That Scares You
Grit isn’t developed by taking the easy road. Encourage your son or daughter to put themselves out there, try something new, take a risk or step out of their comfort zone. Even if they have no idea what the outcome will be, new experiences should always be viewed as a learning experience. Plus, another benefit of learning something new is that it triggers the brain to build connections between neurons, replacing some of those we lose over time, and it also gives you a rush of the reward chemical dopamine.
Do you want to see if your child has grit? Take the Angela Duckworth Grit Scale Test! Click here: Does My Child Have Grit?
If you enjoyed reading this post, be sure to check out this post:
Teach Your Teen to Have a Growth Mindset: Why it Matters and Powerful Strategies that Work
2 comments
I enjoyed reading the article. Good for parents who are growing up teens.
enjoyed reading the article. Good for parents who are growing up teens.