Post: Expert Advice on Protecting Your Teen’s Mental Health
As if dealing with the roller coaster of emotions that comes with being a teenager isn’t challenging enough, the COVID-19 lockdown is making it even more challenging.
Our teens are feeling a tremendous sense of loss. Not only have they lost day-to-day interaction with friends, but they have also lost their freedom and every sense of normalcy in their lives all while coming to grips with an abrupt end to what should have been a final semester of school filled with end-of-year activities, prom, graduation, major milestones, and once-in-a-lifetime events.
To make matters worse, the too-close-for-comfort 24/7 family living conditions is making some teens feel suffocated and anxious, and the lack of social interaction is making it harder for them to control their stress and emotions.
To get a handle on what parents can do to help their kids with feelings of anxiety and isolation during this time, we reached out to Dr. John Duffy, psychologist and author of the best-selling book Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety, about what parents can do to help their teens manage their emotions and protect their mental health during this time.
Recognize That You’re Not Alone
Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress and the uncertainty of these times are stressful, not only for teens but for the vast majority of people regardless of their age. How am I going to manage my online classes? When will I get to see my friends again? How long is this going to last? Nearly every teen is feeling the same way, dealing with the same doubt and trying to find ways to cope.
Understanding that they’re not alone in their worries, fears or sadness and giving themselves the freedom to feel their feelings and talk about them with friends or family will offer them a sense of solidarity and remind them that they’re not alone even though they may be feeling isolated. “I find that teens who talk with their friends daily via Zoom, Skype or FaceTime feel more validated and acknowledged than those who do not. It’s a way to ensure our kids recognize that they’re not alone in the suffering or loss affiliated with this time.”
Establish a Schedule That Works for You
Just a few weeks ago, the vast majority of kids were overscheduled and overwhelmed trying to keep up with school, homework, sports, clubs, internships and after-school jobs. Now, these same kids are finding themselves with far too much time on their hands and little to no structure in their day.
According to Dr. Duffy, having a schedule, even if it’s a loose schedule, can help give teens a sense of stability and help them feel empowered, especially during times of uncertainty. “The teenagers I’m working with who are wholly unstructured are listless, anxious and frustrated and no one wants to feel that way. Even if your teen opposes a strict schedule, it’s a good idea to have them settle into a routine that works for them.”
Focus on What You Can Control
At a time when our teens feel they’ve lost all control over their lives, it’s easy to understand why they may be feeling anxious and stressed. But, they’re not quite as powerless as they think they are. There are actually plenty of things that are in their control – things that can make them feel more empowered and in charge of their daily routine.
From what time they wake up in the morning and their attitude when they start the day to how much effort they put into their online classes and what they do in their free time – no matter how small the task, teens need to focus less on what they can’t control and more on what they can control.
“Some of the kids I work with conceptualize this pandemic period as an almost existential punishment, forced into a pseudo-grounding: no time with friends, and stuck in the house,” says Dr. Duffy. “I’ve encouraged the kids I work with to shift their thinking about this time. This time presents a rare opportunity to take a break from all the activity in their lives, learn something new, slow things down a bit, and even connect with family.”
Find Creative Ways to Stay Connected to Friends
Social distancing doesn’t mean our teens can’t be social. “Teens need to be in touch with their friends via social media, video games or other modes,” says Dr. Duffy. “Our kids steady themselves through relationships. They can’t go weeks or months without being connected.”
Thankfully, there are a ton of great websites and apps available for teens to chat with friends online, watch movies and videos, listen to music together, and even take online classes together – all as if they’re sitting right next to them.
Get Moving
With usual routines out the window and the growing temptation to lounge in their pajamas all day, it’s more important than ever for our kids to focus on their health during the lockdown. “Teens need to exercise every single day – idle bodies during this time won’t fare well,” says Dr. Duffy.
Whether they take a walk, go on a run, ride their bike or join along on a YouTube video for a quick 15-minute HIIT or cardio workout, getting their heart rate up and their muscles moving will do them a world of good to stay healthy and combat stress.
Have a Little Fun with Your Family
Up until now, most families struggled to carve out quality family time. Even having dinner together seemed like an insurmountable task amidst the busyness of school schedules, sports, and homework. But, all that has changed – at least temporarily. Now is the perfect time to savor precious family time and reconnect on a deeper level.
“I think it’s so important that families spend some time together. Our teenagers will remember this time for the rest of their lives. They’ll remember the losses too, no doubt, which is why we need to be sure to balance them out with good memories, family time, jokes, games and laughter. There needs to be some joy in the wake of the sorrow,” said Dr. Duffy.
Create a Positive and Calming Environment
Protecting your teen’s mental health isn’t simply about adopting healthy coping mechanisms, it’s about creating an environment that makes them feel more relaxed and peaceful. If your teen’s bedroom is a mess, now is a great time to declutter their room and create a more positive and calming environment for them. Studies have proven that more mess means more stress. Clutter can affect your teen’s ability to focus, sleep, cope and it can even trigger anxiety.
So, open the curtains and windows and let the sun shine in. Hang up all the clothes on the floor, organize the shelves, put away the clutter and have them make their bed and create an environment that’s comfortable and sends off positive vibes.
Cut Yourself Some Slack
“My clinical approach to this has actually changed quite a bit since the beginning of the pandemic,” says Dr. Duffy. “Now, I strongly encourage my teenage clients to be gentle with themselves and to modulate their expectations in light of the fact that we are all going through a highly stressful time. So, if you are perfectionistic, you can ease up on doing every assignment perfectly. You can stay up a bit later, and sleep in a little. Your job during this time is to stay safe and to do your part in helping others do the same. Anything you do beyond that is great.”
Self-care will look different with every teen. For some it might be getting lost in a great book; for others, it might be playing video games with friends or listening to music. Some kids might find comfort talking with friends while others might need a lot of alone time. This is not a time for teens to be hard on themselves. There isn’t a right or wrong way to deal with what they’re going through. They need to find what works for them.
Protecting your teen’s mental health – especially in these times of stress and uncertainty – can be challenging. But by staying connected to your teen, helping them find healthy coping mechanisms and encouraging them to seek out ways to stay calm, socially engaged and active, they’ll be better equipped to ride through these tumultuous times despite the upheaval in their lives.
Protecting your teen’s mental health can look like deleting an app, muting a group chat, limiting negative news coverage, engaging with positive friends, spending time alone when needed, doing something they love or listening to music.
1 comment
Grateful for guidance on shielding teens’ mental well-being! Empowered parents, supportive communities foster resilience, helping young minds navigate life’s challenges with confidence.