This Post: 12 Soft Skills That Will Set Your Teen Apart for Life
Written By: Marybeth Bock
When my husband and I were raising our teenagers, we focused on the milestones we thought mattered most with our kids. Good grades. Getting a driver’s license. Playing sports and being involved in extracurricular activities. Landing their first job. And getting accepted into a “good” college.
And while no one can deny that those things certainly matter, I’ve learned they’re not what determine whether a young adult thrives later in life.
In fact, after countless conversations with employers, college professors, and young adults trying to navigate life on their own, I’ve realized some qualities matter even more.
They’re soft skills.
12 Soft Skills That Will Set Your Teen Apart for Life
What Are Soft Skills?
Soft skills are the personal qualities and interpersonal abilities that help people successfully navigate the real world. They’re qualities that determine how well they communicate with others, how they solve problems, handle disappointment and frustrations, manage conflict, work with others, and essentially, build healthy relationships.
Why Are They So Important?
Unlike grades or a GPA, soft skills aren’t measured on a report card, and you won’t find them on a standardized test. Yet, they’re quite often the very qualities employers, college professors, coaches, and even future spouses value most.
The fact is, your teen can earn straight A’s, but if they have a hard time accepting feedback or constructive criticism, they’re unable to communicate effectively and respectfully, they don’t take ownership of their mistakes, or they don’t work well with others, they’ll likely struggle in school, college, the future workplace, and even in their personal relationships.
The good news is that soft skills can be learned over time with practice and the guidance of parents who intentionally teach them.
Here’s a list of 12 soft skills that every teenager should develop before heading out on their own.
NOTE: Remember, parents… your teen is a work in progress. Some of these skills may take time to master.
1. They Can Communicate Effectively
Whether your teen is talking to their teacher, interviewing for a part-time job, or just chatting with an adult neighbor, good communication skills matter.
Encourage your teen to practice speaking clearly, making eye contact, and expressing themselves clearly and respectfully. When they learn to communicate confidently, it can open doors in every area of their life, especially in today’s world where teens primarily communicate digitally.
2. They Know How to Listen… Really Listen
This is a big one, parents. Listening doesn’t mean looking at your phone when someone else is talking. And it doesn’t mean looking around the room and paying “half attention” when someone is sharing a story, explaining something, or trying to give you directions.
Really listening is a skill that doesn’t always come easy for teens (and frankly, some adults, too), so this might take practice. Remind your teen to pay attention when others are talking, to ask thoughtful questions (not one-word answers), and try to understand others’ point of view. If they can master this one skill, it can set them apart from the vast majority of teens.
3. They Can Handle Disappointment When Life Goes Sideways
Stuff happens. They don’t make the team. Their boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with them. They fail a test they studied hard for. They get rejected from their dream college.
Disappointment is part of life, and learning how to deal with it is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids. A resilient teenager understands that setbacks don’t define who they are–they’re simply part of the journey, and everything can be worked through and overcome.
4. They’re Responsible
Your teen might think they’re responsible because they remembered to take the trash out or they made their bed two days in a row, but it’s a whole lot more than that.
It’s the ability to follow through with commitments, showing up on time, owning up to their mistakes, and doing what needs to be done even when no one is watching.
5. They Can Take Constructive Criticism
No one likes hearing that they can do something better or that they made a mistake, but teens bound for success learn that constructive criticism isn’t a personal attack; it’s an opportunity to learn, grow, and improve.
Teach your teen (this one takes practice!) to accept feedback without becoming defensive or making excuses. Encourage them to listen first, ask questions, and look for the lesson instead of focusing on the discomfort. Make sure they know the people who grow the most aren’t the ones who never make mistakes. They’re the ones who are willing to learn from them.
6. They Have Conflict Resolution Skills
Friends argue, teammates disagree, and siblings get annoyed with each other. Conflict is a normal part of life. But teens need to understand that when conflict arises, the goal isn’t to avoid conflict (aka – “ghosting” someone); it’s to learn how to handle it with honesty, maturity, and respect.
Teach your teen to stay calm, communicate honestly, and listen with an open mind–even if they disagree. Encourage them to take responsibility for their part, apologize when they’re wrong, and work toward finding a solution rather than trying to “win” an argument.
7. They Can Face Problems Head On
Life is full of unexpected challenges. Instead of immediately asking someone else to fix every problem, encourage your teen to pause and think things through. (And don’t be the one who jumps in to solve those problems for them, parents.)
Help them get into the habit of asking these questions when faced with a challenge:
- What is the problem?
- What are my options to solve it?
- What are the consequences of each choice?
The more problems your teen successfully works through on their own, the more confident they’ll feel tackling bigger problems.
8. They Aren’t Afraid to Take Initiative
The most successful people in life don’t wait to be told what to do. They notice problems around them, volunteer to help, and look for opportunities to better themselves.
Whether it’s asking for extra responsibilities at their job or taking the lead on a group project at school, initiative is a quality that employers, coaches, and professors love to see.
9. They Look For Reasons to Be Grateful
It’s easy for teenagers to focus on what’s missing, what’s unfair, or what everyone else seems to have. But truly successful people learn to appreciate what they already have while continuing to work toward what they want.
Help your teen develop the habit of noticing life’s everyday blessings. There’s so much good happening around them IF they just look for it.
10. They Can Self-Advocate
As parents, we naturally want to solve problems for our kids and make life easier. But there comes a point when our kids need to learn how to speak up for themselves.
That might mean asking a teacher for clarification, talking with a manager about their work schedule, explaining to a doctor how they’re feeling, or discussing a grade respectfully. Self-advocacy teaches our teens confidence, responsibility, and independence.
NOTE: When we jump in and handle it for them, we’re robbing them of opportunities to learn how to advocate for themselves, which won’t help them in the long run.
11. They Learn Empathy
One of the greatest strengths a person can have is the ability to understand how someone else is feeling. Because teenagers are still learning to see situations from another person’s perspective (and they’re self-absorbed due to a still-developing brain), empathy is a skill that takes time to master.
In a world that encourages quick judgments, teach your teen to slow down, listen, consider another person’s perspective, and always choose kindness.
12. BONUS: They Become Comfortable with Public Speaking
Most people dread public speaking–in fact, it ranks as one of the biggest fears for most adults. But here’s the good news: public speaking confidence grows with practice.
Whether it’s making a presentation in class or leading a meeting, if your teen can learn this valuable skill, it will benefit them their entire life.
The Bottom Line on Soft Skills
Like riding a bike, cooking a meal, or learning to drive, soft skills are developed over time with practice. The good news is, we have countless opportunities to help our kids gain these skills before they leave our tender care.
Family discussions, helping them land their part-time job, teaching them how to approach a coach or teacher verbally or via email, everyday conversations, and even when disagreements occur–they can all become valuable teaching moments.
And those skills you’re teaching them?
They won’t only help them now… but throughout their entire lives.
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Marybeth Bock, MPH, is a Mom to two young adults and one delightful hound dog. She has logged time as a military spouse, childbirth educator, college instructor, and freelance writer. She lives in Arizona and thoroughly enjoys research and writing, as long as iced coffee is involved. Her work can be found on numerous websites and in two books. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram.