This Post: After Raising Three Teenagers, Here’s What I Wish I’d Worried Less About
Written By: Raising Teens Community
When my kids were teenagers, I swear, I worried about everything…
Their grades. Their messy bedrooms. Every bad mood I couldn’t figure out. Whether they were “behind” compared to other teens. Whether they were involved in enough extracurriculars, fitting in at school, and even what others might think if they wore the same hoodie to school three days in a row.
Looking back now, I realize some (if not most) of those worries weren’t worth my attention. In fact, I wasted far too much time worrying about things that truly didn’t matter. It’s funny how time has a way of teaching us what really matters, you know, parents?
After Raising Three Teenagers, Here’s What I Wish I’d Worried Less About
If I could sit down with my younger “mom self,” coffee in hand, these are the things I’d tell her to worry less about… and the things I’d remind her never to stop investing in.
1. Stop Worrying So Much About Perfect Grades…
And start caring more about the life skills a report card could never measure-whether they’re learning to be responsible, dependable, resilient, and learning how to work well and communicate with others.
Because eventually, no one will care what grade they got in biology their sophomore year or what their final GPA was their junior year. It won’t matter whether they took 5 AP classes or 12. The real goal isn’t to raise a teenager with a perfect transcript. It’s to raise a young adult who’s willing to work hard, keep learning, and never give up when it gets hard.
2. Stop Worrying About Whether They Fit In…
And start caring more about whether they’re kind, whether they’re learning how to be a good friend someone can count on, and whether they’re learning to accept and love themselves instead of focusing on dressing like or acting like everyone else.
Because in a few years, no one will give a d#mn whether they were popular in school. No one will ask if they were voted “best dressed,” or crowned Homecoming queen. Popularity fades. Character doesn’t.
3. Stop Worrying About the Messy Bedroom…
And start paying more attention to the conversations you’re having inside that messy bedroom.
Of course, we don’t want our kids’ bedrooms to become a verifiable hazard, and we want them to learn responsibility, but a few clothes on the floor? An unmade bed because they’re overwhelmed with school and their extracurriculars? Some things, such as whether they’re being responsible in other areas of their lives, carry far more weight.
4. Stop Worrying About Whether They Get Into the “Perfect” College…
And start praying that they’re slowly figuring out who they are, what ignites their passion, and what they want to do with their life.
Because the “perfect” college can teach them a lot of valuable things, but it can’t give them purpose or a passion for the life they’re meant to live.
5. Stop Worrying About Every Mistake…
And start helping them learn from the mistakes they make.
Because mistakes are inevitable. They’re young and learning. Embrace those mistakes (even the ones that make you want to pull your hair out), because they’re teaching valuable lessons they’ll carry with them for life.
6. Stop Worrying About Making Every Point…
And start protecting your relationship fiercely.
Because it’s all too easy to get wrapped up in being “right,” in making sure you have the last word, in pounding your parental wisdom into every conversation. But nothing matters more than your relationship. Protect it, nurture it, and place it above all else. Without a strong relationship, every ounce of wisdom, instruction, or life wisdom will likely fall on deaf ears.
7. Stop Worrying About What Other Parents Think…
And focus more on your child, your family, and what’s best for you.
Because no two teenagers are the same, and no two families are either. The decisions you make don’t have to make sense to anyone else—they just need to reflect your values and what your child needs most.
8. Stop Worrying About How Your Child Measures Up to Others…
And relish in your OWN child’s unique journey.
Some kids bloom early. Some bloom later. Both bloom on their own timeline.
Don’t agonize because your son isn’t as mature as some of his friends or that your daughter isn’t dating when all her friends are. They’ll get where they’re going when they’re ready. Just love them for who they are now and cherish their own wonderful journey.
9. Stop Worrying That Your Child Needs You Less…
And start realizing that they’re growing, your relationship is shifting, and that they still need you… just differently.
Because their “need you less” isn’t a rejection… it’s growth. It means your parenting is working. They’re becoming more independent and capable, and that’s a good thing! In the meantime, stay close to them, jump in when they need you, and look for those pockets of time in their day (grabbing a few minutes before school or a quick run through a drive-thru) to connect and stay close.
10. Stop Worrying About Whether They’re Always Making the Right Decision…
And start focusing on making sure they know where to turn when they make the wrong one.
They’re teenagers, and they have A LOT of learning yet to do. The “right” decisions won’t always come easy to them. Instead, guide them the best you can, offer your lessons and wisdom when they’re accepting, and keep reminding them that you’re there and that they can come to you no matter what.
11. Stop Worrying About Their Closed Bedroom Door…
And start remembering that they need that space to grow up.
Because it’s a normal part of growing up–needing some space and time (within reason, of course), to think and feel and figure a few things out on their own. Instead of taking it personally, focus on the moments when their door is open, when they come to you late at night, when they hang out in the kitchen and share pieces of their day in no particular order. The goal was never to keep them little… don’t make them feel guilty for growing up.
12. Stop Worrying About Whether They’re Happy Every Minute…
And start trusting that it’s normal for teens to have unpredictable mood swings and “bad days” for what seems like no reason at all. It’s also okay for them to experience boredom, disappointment, frustration, and failure.
Because all those feelings and emotions they’re experiencing are the work of a still-developing brain and body, and a mind trying to figure life out. Rather than focusing on their happiness (or lack of) focus more on whether they’re learning how to manage those emotions and whether they know they can ask for help, if needed.
13. Stop Worrying About Their Resume…
And care more about their reputation.
Are they taking enough AP classes? Do they have enough volunteer hours? Are they exhibiting leadership skills? Did they land a summer internship? Sure, those things can help build an impressive résumé. But perhaps even more important is the reputation they’re building every single day. Are they becoming known as someone who is reliable, respectful, and responsible? Those qualities won’t just help them land opportunities—they’ll help them keep them.
14. Stop Worrying About Controlling Every Outcome…
And start focusing on your influence.
Because one day, you’ll lose the ability to control their choices. But if you’ve built trust and influence in the relationship, they’ll still value your advice long after they no longer need your permission.
15. Stop Worrying About So Many Little Things…
Because one day, the grades won’t matter. The trophies will sit on a shelf collecting dust. The messy bedroom that drives you nuts will be painfully quiet and spotless.
What will matter are the conversations in the car, the hugs that lingered a little longer, the late-night talks when they opened their heart, the laughter of an inside joke, and countless ordinary moments that you realized weren’t ordinary at all.
If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this:
Don’t spend so much time trying to raise a perfect child that you forget to enjoy the one sitting right in front of you.
The years slip by faster than you think. And in the end, the only thing that will truly matter is who they become and the relationship you still share when they no longer have to come home…
but still want to.
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